I am wondering about my friend.....
February 7, 2016 11:14pm CST
I am worried about a friend of mine. She is young and has just had a baby. She has been staying at home while her fella works. He has had a bad family history and his sex drive is null and void. My friend is having trouble with this scenario. He says he just doesn't feel it. She is young, loves him and wants to have a normal sex life with him. He fakes his organism, isn't into having sex with her but will just to appease her. She knows he isn't seeing anyone else. He just has a problem. My first thought is that he doesn't love her much. But, he is a good fella and treats her good in other ways. What would you guys do? I told her she should start back working and have all her ducks in a row. Cause when it comes down to it if the relationship goes down hill any further and she decides to end it then the baby will go with him because she isn't working. She hates daycare and doesn't trust them but I told her she needs to start talking around and learn of a good one. If she has a job too then he won't be able to take the baby if it comes to that. Of course I hope it all works out. Any thoughts?
5 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 16
I think the telling part on that is that it doesn't seem to be bothering him. @celticeagle I forgot to mention it last night, but I think your friend should see about having an STD panel done. I know she doesn't think he's up to anything, but it doesn't hurt to be sure.
• United States
8 Feb 16
My first thought is if they want to save the relationship, they need to seek couples counseling to help them work through their issues... but there are a lot of red flags there. If they're not married, she needs to get herself to the courthouse and file for full custody of her child immediately. The fact that she's not working isn't necessarily going to mean that she's going to lose the baby to him. She still needs to start covering her butt, especially if they're not married. My question is whether or not she will end up having to spend more money on childcare than she will possibly make. Advice would depend on what her career opportunities are as well as how long she's been out of the workforce. Working alternating shifts with the other parent isn't necessarily fun, but it's certainly doable--that's what my husband and I do currently, although we're fortunate that we're working at the same place under the same supervisor and have very rare scheduling conflicts. Another possibility would be to look for a sitter on Care.com, which is a site that requires background checks on all of the people who offer their services through it. In the meantime, I'd tell her to start getting those ducks in a row. She can do simple sites like Swagbucks or InboxDollars (or heck, myLot) for extra money to stash "just in case." She needs to get a bank account that's only in her name if she only has joint accounts with him, make sure custody is taken care of, and she really needs to find a local lawyer who's familiar with family law in her area to speak to about the situation and find out what she needs to do to protect both herself and the child. Knowledge is power, and she needs to arm herself with it in this situation. The other thing I'd do is point her toward the DWIL Nation board on Babycenter.com if there are major active issues with his extended family right now. They can be extremely blunt over there, but the advice is gold most of the time and most of the ladies are speaking from the perspective of someone who's been there and done that when it comes to dealing with crazy relatives.