I told adrain something bad..

@sharon6345 (118092)
United States
February 16, 2016 3:54pm CST
I don't know what could be causing m these flash backs,but it's ruining me right now. I had a very abusive boyfriend in high school. So abusive that he stepped over the line and did something down right horrible to me. So,much so that my life changed for ever. I could not dare tell my mom even though today I almost did. I would not ever want her to know that my mind is over taken by these dark memories. Adrain keeps telling me that he knows something is going on with me. So,much so that he thought it was his fault. And I could not make him believe that when it's clearly not. So,I had to let him know that what I was about to tell him I never told another living person. he could not imagine my pain and he just listened. I can't understand why I am seeing flashes of what he did to me. And his face in my head. I am not depressed as far as I can see.. I can't tell what could be causing this for me. It's just a terrible situation and I am very sad over it. I don't know how adrain will feel about it after knowing what he knows now. The good thing is he was very understanding as to why there are things I just can't do. I just don't want my mom to ever find out because,she already has enough pain knowing he was beating me as it was.
4 people like this
4 responses
@owlwings (38850)
• Cambridge, England
16 Feb 16
First of all, it's very normal to have flash-backs of very distressing incidents like this. You did right to tell Adrian and I'm sure that he will be very supportive because whatever happened was NOT your fault. It sounds from what you say that you are suffering (and have been for a long time) from Post-Traumatic Stress. You may already feel better from having talked to Adrian about it and seeing a good therapist will almost certainly help even more. There are plenty of people, veterans and rape victims and people who have been involved in horrific accidents, who have suffered in the same way and have been helped greatly by proper therapy.
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (118092)
• United States
16 Feb 16
I am in therapy and he does not know about it. I don't want to talk about it and it never go away.
1 person likes this
• Church Hill, Tennessee
16 Feb 16
I agree with@owlwings PTS please do seek some professional help. I to suffer from Post Traumatic stress and I know it was the best thing to find professional help.
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@owlwings (38850)
• Cambridge, England
17 Feb 16
@sharon6345 Unfortunately, it is never likely to go away unless you talk about it with your therapist. I realise that that might seem incredibly difficult for you and I can't pretend that it won't be painful. It is also true that many people who suffer from something like this actually hold the suffering as something which is, in a way, 'precious' to them and are more afraid of losing the pain than of being cured of it. Absolutely the most difficult thing, strangely, is the problem of 'giving away' or 'giving up' the pain that you feel has been so much a part of you for so long that you feel that losing it would be like cutting off your arm or leg.
@TheHorse (61994)
• Pleasant Hill, California
16 Feb 16
I'm glad that Adrian appears to be supportive of you.
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (118092)
• United States
16 Feb 16
I am as well it feels good.
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@Tampa_girl7 (24886)
• United States
16 Feb 16
I am sorry that you are having these bad memories.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (118092)
• United States
16 Feb 16
Thanks so much Marie. Thank you.
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@jstory07 (65332)
• Roseburg, Oregon
17 Feb 16
Bad memories are not good at all they come when you least expect them and you get flash backs on those memories
1 person likes this