Death, disclosure, and class

@vandana7 (66910)
India
February 24, 2016 11:11pm CST
I am a bit disturbed about a post by one of my favorite myLotters out here whom I treat like bro. I am not as articulate as I would like to be. But I do feel that if we know in advance that we are leaving the world, letting others know is important. They are more prepared and less likely to be shaken up, which to me is classy. I know it will hurt but it will hurt either way. Sympathies would be rolling in was what was mentioned. Cannot be denied. But interactions would be more human with less clinical approach. People who have had issues with us would get a chance to say sorry and there would be some sort of closure. People who differ from us would still get their way but there would be less anger and animosity in the way they take a stand against us. Why getting a closure to many issues and preventing new heart aches wrong? Can anybody explain to me why merely because sympathies are coming our way it becomes less "classy"? May be it is the cultural thing...I don't know. If I were dying and knew of it, I would bid goodbye to everybody like I was leaving a party. Not sneak out.
I'm sure you'd tell your spouse or other members of your family...but would you let it be known openly, like on a social media platform such as myLot or...
14 people like this
12 responses
@Lucky15 (33718)
• Philippines
25 Feb 16
Sympathy is something we all should give.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
26 Feb 16
Different people have different reactions towards sympathy I noticed. Here, the rule of do unto others what you would like to do unto you does not apply in all cases. That is what I learned recently. Moreover, concern gets equated to pity and sympathy for some reason. In addition, people do not know how to react. The situation is new so they are going to try to come up with their feelings at the moment.
• United States
23 Mar 16
I just commented on his post and I also agree that closure is important, but only if the other people know how serious. Like one friend, I knew she was hanging on as best as she could, and her strength was amazing. Then I got stuck taking classes and next thing I know, she is no longer posting and it took a couple years before I got confirmation that she had passed away. I feel awful, like I should have talked to her more, even if I did have many papers to finish. Because now she is gone, and I don't feel like I was a friend like I could have been.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
23 Mar 16
Yes, those few moments when we can be with friends and give them our time and support, we end up doing mundane things. :( I have faced a similar situation too..in fact worse. I did not know she had cancer, and she was on medication, which caused some irritation on her part, because of which she reacted on another person. She called me on that post for support, and since I did not know her condition, I told her she needed to apologize. She apologized. The next thing I knew of her was that she was no more. Can you believe how it feels? Even today I wish I had been more patient and may be handled it better.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Mar 16
@vandana7 Oh no, I am so sorry and yes, that is another reason. One who is dying is usually on medication that will make them say or do things they normally would not. It isn't your fault, please don't feel bad.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
23 Mar 16
@Carmelanirel2 ..Had I known, I would have convinced the other lady..
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (14417)
• United Kingdom
20 Mar 16
It is a personal choice it would be nice for someone to disclose but I can understand if someone wishes something as personal as that to remain very close to their chests. Someone in that situation could get a lot of support from our little community of on line friends.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
20 Mar 16
Yes...and we care...
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (14417)
• United Kingdom
20 Mar 16
@vandana7 We certainly do. I know I was elated to find you on here after the other site.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
20 Mar 16
@garymarsh6 ..Me too..
1 person likes this
@aju007 (1470)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
25 Feb 16
Like @sharon6346 said, whats your point?
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
25 Feb 16
Even if it means getting some sympathies, we need to be open to the idea that others would behave differently with us if we were to die in near future. Quite often false prestige and stuff like that block genuine nature from taking charge. I think it matters to let people not feel regrets and remorse about it. It also matters to prevent stress on family member for hiding the facts. It also matters to know have people accept it gradually if not gracefully in their mind. It also matters because when we let others know we are not going to be around much longer, we are telling them we know that they care, even if we don't care as much for them. And it gives courage to others who are going through something similar or will go through something similar.
1 person likes this
@aju007 (1470)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
25 Feb 16
@vandana7 Yes Ive got it.. Yeah we all have to accept that fact.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
17 Mar 16
I don't think it's about being classy. I think it's just doing what ever you think is best for everyone, in other words, one's own choice at this final time of life.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
17 Mar 16
I guess ultimately it is that..though it can save others from being shocked..
@hora_fugit (5439)
• India
5 Mar 16
Having this OCD kind of thing, I should rather refrain. But same as I would not like to pass away in a sleep, would try for a closure to those too who can't know until told by me.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
5 Mar 16
Yeah...my thinking too.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (81694)
• Philippines
26 Feb 16
I too , would like to let other people know , when i am dying . At least i can bid them goodbye and won't let them be wondering where i am already that i was suddenly gone specially here at myLot . Though , God knows what is best for us .
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
16 Mar 16
Exactly. You put it better than me. :)
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (171621)
• Switzerland
25 Feb 16
I have left my comment. I would only tell to my husband, he must know because he has to take decisions. There is a pre-written discussions for my friends... just in case.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
25 Feb 16
Aw...:(
1 person likes this
@ida123 (6242)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
25 Feb 16
Yes, I will also bid goodbye to my friends, relatives and most especially to my family. What's wrong if I'll do it, yes, we all leave here but letting them know will make them prepare what to do.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
26 Feb 16
They have to be prepared too. :)
@divssri (981)
• Bangalore, India
25 Feb 16
Hi vandana, I am new to my lot .you are from India as I see your profile yoy u use my lot for last 7 years .I want to know is my lot pay you .how much cash out you make .
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
16 Mar 16
Yes...and I lost count of how much I made, but I made a lot of money here.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Feb 16
I would too, but I think some people don't want the attention.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
25 Feb 16
I somehow knew you and me would be on same page about this. :)
@sharon6345 (136029)
• United States
25 Feb 16
What post talking about?
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66910)
• India
26 Feb 16
I included that...and anyway, you did come there, and mention that you would have a party. Me too. :) Why not..lol.