SAD TIMES :(

Cyprus
February 27, 2016 1:23pm CST
What can i say really apart from i know myself, and 9 years on and still sadness. I do know that nothing will change no matter how much i try to win them, which i had gave up 9 years ago. My husbands family and relatives will never accept me and i will never be good enough for my husband either in their eyes too. I dont know any reason at all thats why its bugging me for all these years. I tell my husband to ask his family what their problem is but because of different culture and he said forget it and he is not bothered what they think as he has his own life and dont listen. Yes thats true, but i believe he cant question them, i dont know. Maybe because they are old fashioned minds and because im British and the first outcast to the family. i dont know. All i remember was 5 years ago was his mum pleading and crying to her son to finish the relationship with me and that im not good enough. Yet they have never met me before and straight away they judge me!! Next we got the rest of the relatives that are weird with me too and dont speak or smile at me or even my son Callum anymore! But my daughter yes obviously because she is half English and half Cypriot. It brakes my heart to see that they have stopped talking or smiling to my son even though hes says he is not bothered. When my hubby comes home with a gift for my daughter Meliz who is only 3 years old, i ask him who its from and he says relatives and did Callum get anything? Obviously not because he is not blood! i new this from the beginning! So i say from now on please dont not bring anymore gifts home for meliz. Not fair that 1 child can recieve and our other child gets nothing! To me this would cause jelousy and problem between brother and sister later. Its pure selfishness!! I have alot of anger and sadness about many things that has happened in the last 9 years since leaving the UK as my mum divorced my dad after 31 years of marriage and told me the first weekend i arrived with my son that their marriage was all over and my dad will be going back to the UK 2 weeks later. I was shocked!! i gave everything up in the UK to come to Cyprus to be with my mum and dad as a single parent to have their only grandchild close to them. Anyway so my dad went back to the UK and waited for the house to be sold in Cyprus and have his half and after 3 months it finally happened and then my mum who had met somebody 1 month before house went through and they made plan together after 5 months in total to move to Turkey to where he is from and live happily ever after! Her new man is ok i guess and its her life but he is so much younger than she is. But her life.. Now to this day i dont hear from my mum at all for the last 3 years as she has changed her brain and i washed my hands with her for other reasons too. I hear off my dad 3 lines on a email a month or every 2 months. I dont hear from my brother and sister as they have their own lives and my 33 yr old brother has never spoken with my mum since my dad returning to the UK alone with 1 suitcase and my 26 year old sister needs her when is ok for her. but i understand her because she is going through remission for the 2nd time and sometimes needs her mum but my mum dont go back to the UK!. (im sorry this is an extremley long discussion but i have been aching to speak out for 9 years in total now and having no family of my own here is sad and lonely. Not one email did me or the kids get for Christmas either
8 people like this
8 responses
@jaboUK (55052)
• United Kingdom
27 Feb 16
My goodness, what a sad heartbreaking tale. Sometimes it helps to spill things out to people you can't see, but believe me, we are here to listen. I think your husband is right in that you shouldn't worry about trying to get his family to accept you - plainly they never will. Just concentrate on your children and husband. I do realise that it's doubly difficult for you as you are in a foreign country with none of your own family to support you. Are there no other ex-pat women in the area that you could get to know? I really hope that things will improve for you.
2 people like this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
Jabo.., thankyou yes i have friends here but because its a small country everybody knows each other and i dont really want everybody learning my business here thats for sure because the expats i dont really trust half of them lol x
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 16
My dear friend..I have great understanding of what you say. You are British living now in Cyprus? I am not sure..but what is your inlaws, they are Cypriot? Oh my what a terrible loneliness for you. I understand a lot more as also my son was outcast. It is long story mine too, but I feel your pain and so sorry this is how it is for you. Glad you came here to talk. People should not be like this, hateful to others for stupid reasons. Please take care my friend and do come to talk to us.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
Yes they are Cypriot (Turkish Cypriot) Strange thing is the Cypriots are actually lovely people here in Cyprus. Just maybe im the unlucky one for no reason at all given to me. 5 years ago when me and my hubby got together i remember the weekend he introduced me to his family but unfortunatly for me it was a busy weekend with loads of people in their house just stopping their conversations and looking at me.. it was bayram (you may know of their traditions) and so i guess i had to meet the family! but so suddenly,, omg. Then after that weekend his parents done research about me to see if im good enough by asking my hubby sister to ask her hubby who is a police here to research about me. This was over the top!! We left shortly after this and lived in Izmir in Turkey for 1 year to save our relationship and this was my hubbys choice. The only reason why we came back after all this time is because we wanted to get married and i felt thge guilt their son running away with me to another country and i couldnt face anymore talk behind my back like they do. But also to know how close they are as familys i new i needed to do this one. for my husband.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 16
@Nikkiahmet You have made a great sacrifice because you love your husband. I see what you say, omg, over the top, that is too much! I feel great compassion for your situation friend. It is harder because of the favoritism with the children..just one child gets the love, not right.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
28 Feb 16
@TiarasOceanView But in some countries i suppose its like this when i was a single parent and some people automatically judge by the front cover of the book and not reading the inside first. Being a single parent was my business and not theirs But i was married into the family with a child before having a child with my husband and luckily he accepted straight away and he treats them the same and gives them both the same love. Love that my son never had before. So yes its not right
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (82465)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Feb 16
Sorry to hear all that and, I hope things get better, everyone should have a close family.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
thankyou, we cant have everything we wish for
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (82465)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Feb 16
@Nikkiahmet Things will get better
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
@TRBRocks420 naaaa.. its been too long now,
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
27 Feb 16
It hurts me to read this as I can never understand Parents who turn their back on their Child especially in this sort of a case I am glad though that you have managed to write it here as it is of your chest now Does your Husband know how you feel From experience though I can advise ...do not waste your time trying to please and to earn the acceptance of his Family it is not worth it you live your Life Sweetie with your Children they are the most important People in your Life I really feel for you I was in a bad marriage and also his Parents didn't accept as such but I will say they adored my Son and Daughter but I was in my Country not like yourself who is in a different country and no Family who cares When I was in a bad way a very good Friend of mine suggested I start like a little and write everything down to get it of my Chest what I actually did is write it all down after an incident then I would rip it to pieces so no one can ever find it it did help and it helped to that all that mattered to me was my Children
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
Oh Gabs your message touched a weak part of me and made me feel little tearful. But i will not as have not let a tear fall for almost 4 years now (properly)! I keep holding them back and dont want them to see that they are winning even though they all have. I am a strong person that does keep bottled up and my star sign is Virgo lol But i am still trying to go forward for my kids sake more. My kids dont see the stress its causing as this is something i dont let them see, but my son is 13 and he knows what going on but he is a quiet lad. My daughter is only 3 and she dont understans nothing obviously. My husband has known how i have felt for the last 5 years of being married but he dont know what to say or suggest apart from he has stopped speaking to his relatives and only sees his mum and dad onec a week but thats his choice as i dont control him with nothing. He will take my daughter Meliz to go visit but my son Callum prefers not to go and that his choice too. I have been in Cyprus for 9 years now and obviously met my hubby here after 4 years of being here, so i had the other problems before we met too.,with my family. I know divorces are normal things to happen, i accept aswell being the oldest but i dont understand why all of a sudden she wanted to end it after 31 years because they was all good and now our family is broken too.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
27 Feb 16
@Nikkiahmet Sweetie I have had a rough life from the age of 5 I am now 54 and even though I am sick I have won all my fights and do you know how? by not giving in to the pain agony it has caused From the Day my Children where born they became my Life and they kept me going and I am glad that you are a strong Person because Girl they haven't won.......you have because you don't show them how much it hurts and when you do see them always hold your Head up high because you are the good Person, I am glad to hear that your Husband supports you as my Ex didn't when I was diagnosed with my Illness after giving him another chance he did not take it so I decided to end the Marriage after 22 years of mental abuse because if I hadn't it would have killed me .......your Son is a good Boy and I am so happy that he is also so strong as you say little one is to young to understand stay strong Girl and if you need to cry which you have to sometimes cry when you are alone I used to when everyone was in bed asleep it needs to come out but when you are alone you have won not them as for your Parents well my opinion is and please do not take offence at this, I think they are a waste of space for letting you down like that
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
28 Feb 16
@gabs8513 thankyou my lovely aswell for being such a good listener xx
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (22463)
• Carthage, Tunisia
27 Feb 16
Families are complicated things sometimes. Hopefully writing about it here will help straighten some things out in your own mind.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
thats what i thought id try to get it off my chest a little bit in the open instead of keeping it bottled up like i have done over the years like Daljinder says.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (22172)
• India
27 Feb 16
Yes sadness and loneliness... It eats at you... Glad that you vented out some... Even though it is in a discussion. Its not good to keep everything bottled up... I hope you feel even a tad bit lighter
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
27 Feb 16
Thankyou, i do know that things will never change and i never forget. Its too difficult for me and i love my hubby so much but it sometimes cause stress between us as you can imagine. I try to move forward but when living in a small country and familys here are so close and connected and know each others business what ever you do. luckily i learned the language to understand what they say which is a good thing. But it makes me feel more uncomfortable more than anything! Im sorry i spilled the beans on my private life as i have kept this bottled up for 9 years now but it needed to be spoken out for advice from good listeners on this forum or i would sink into depression, but i feel like i have really.
@xFiacre (5143)
• Ireland
27 Feb 16
Sad times indeed, and a lonely life.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (115667)
• United States
27 Feb 16
No one can change a person no matter how hard they try. I think it best you focus on your children, which you do already, and just focus on those friends who will stand by your side. When family fails, then we have to find others of good character who can fill the void.