Is it possible to have too much empathy for others?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (205627)
Walnut Creek, California
February 28, 2016 11:27am CST
On Friday afternoon, when I got to my kid client's house, he looked really sad. The house was dark, and his mom and brother were nowhere to be found. He made some self-deprecating comments about himself (he's usually pretty cocky), and I found myself feeling sad for him
Fortunately, we rallied, played some basketball (he's good!), went to McDonalds, and then went to the Dollar Store and bought two basketball pumps, one for him and one for me.
But when I dropped him off at home, the house was still dark, and his mother and brother were still nowhere to be found. He did all he could to get me to stick around for awhile, but I ultimately had to go and play music with my adult friends.
As I was driving home, I was thinking about how I only get to spend a year with each kid, taking them out for big fun once a week, and then I have to move on. Many of the kids I work with come from troubled families, and I sometimes wonder if a year is enough.
Throughout the evening, I couldn't let go of my sadness for this kid. As psychologists, we're supposed to do our best and then "let go" at the end of the day. But that's not always easy to do. I've hardened myself up enough that I don't feel sad for every bum or prostitute that I see on the streets. But it's hard for me to "let go" once I've established a relationship with a kid.
Do you ever feel like you have "too much empathy"?
33 people like this
32 responses
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
28 Feb 16
I can if I let myself, but I often don't.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
28 Feb 16
@TheHorse I often try to keep distance, so I don't get too empathetic.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (205627)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 Feb 16
@Drosophila I certainly don't give money to every beggar on the street. I'd be broke. But I do what I can.
3 people like this
@hexeduser22 (7253)
• Philippines
29 Feb 16
You are doing great and you have a big heart. I'm pretty sure that those is thankful that you get to spend some of your time with them... It is sad but there are just something's in this world that no matter how we try to change or do something about it, nothing will really change.. The life you live is hard.. I salute you on this one
3 people like this
@hexeduser22 (7253)
• Philippines
29 Feb 16
@TheHorse good thing I'm not in that industry... I would have adopted every client of mine
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
29 Apr 16
I thought that WAS where you found that beautiful little girl in your avatar, @hexeduser22 bastart! I am sure she didn't really KNOW you, or she wouldn't be smiling like that! 
@allknowing (130066)
• India
29 Feb 16
Too much empathy is no good if it just hangs in the air. You need to do something if you can or just move on.
2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
28 Feb 16
I would have a hard time letting go if I was in your position. 
Was he old enough to be home alone? Though I think he had a wonderful time with you!!
Was he old enough to be home alone? Though I think he had a wonderful time with you!!2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
29 Feb 16
@TheHorse Do you often visit him? Is his family ever around then?
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
28 Feb 16
that just proves you care, all you can do is what you can do, try to provide the tools to make a lasting difference. I say that, but I worked in a crisis care center at a childrens home before...and it was HARD. you knew bad stuff was happening, everyone did, but what you cant prove, what the kid won't admit...sometimes.... kid goes back in and you just know whats going to go on. and you have no way to stop or change a thing
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
29 Feb 16
@TheHorse hopefully something will come up, something that works out that he can participate in or do, or a hobby thats ok for kids. I know, its not much, but sometimes hope is all there is
@sherryericha (1806)
• Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
28 Feb 16
People tell me that all the time, but if I can I try to help people. I just bought a bottle of water for a homeless man. He was trying to steal it and of course the store's staff was watching him from the minute he walked in the door. I was buying gas and figured a dollar and change wasn't going to break the bank. It was wrong for him to try to steal it, but I just felt compelled to do something.
@lilnana1111 (2305)
• United States
29 Feb 16
Yes, especially when it come to children.
2 people like this
@teamfreak16 (43421)
• Denver, Colorado
28 Feb 16
I've been told that I have none to very little, honestly, so I'm probably not qualified to answer.
2 people like this
@teamfreak16 (43421)
• Denver, Colorado
28 Feb 16
@TheHorse - Oh, my girlfriend, for one, past girlfriend's too. And yeah, they probably are right for the most part.
2 people like this
@kamel622 (310)
• United States
28 Feb 16
I think this is especially so when working with children. Adults who have problems have learned coping skills and can ask for help...children are in a much more vulnerable position.
I commend you for being there for this young man and I'm sure it must be difficult to just turn the caring feelings off.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 16
I probably do. I know I sympathize with people who are accused in criminal cases when everybody else wants to throw the book at them. I empathize with the victims too.
So are you doing a "big brother" type thing with these kids, or is it a professional relationship of some sort?
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (205627)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 Feb 16
It's a professional relationship, but what I do with them is similar to what a Big Brother would do. Except I have specific behavioral goals in mind. They've been referred to my agency by their schools, and we ultimately bill MediCal for our services.
@crazyhorseladycx (39515)
• United States
29 Feb 16
this's a most sad tale, my horsey friend. i fear i'd had to've stayed with him. when i worked't the hospital, i was prone to goin' visitin' once my shift was done. those elderly folks from nursin' homes that nobody e'er showed up to visit (didn't 't the nursin' homes neither) jest needed somebody to spend time with 'em. i'd read to 'em, we'd visit 'n then i'd take such 'pon myself when they were released.
i reckon one could say 'twas too much. although it took time 'way from my own family though, i felt such needed to be done. to let'em know they mattered.
1 person likes this
