This Pain Is Going To Be The Death of Me
March 16, 2016 12:08am CST
Have you ever seen the movie Groundhog Day? That could easily be the story of my life since 2008 minus the funny one-liners and Punxsutawney Phil. It's the same thing every day and just like Bill Murray states in the movie, "Why couldn't I get "that" day" instead of February 2 repeating over and over. For me, it's waking up as soon as the sun rises (and that's if I can manage to fall asleep) and throwing on a half pot of coffee. I used to love coffee, now there are days when I never even look at the coffee maker let alone make a half pot. Then I get washed up (can't make it to the shower or in and out of the tub safety) and change clothes. If I'm lucky there will be a Law & Order marathon on to kill off part of the day. I do physical therapy three or four times a day but that's mostly out of habit. Since I am using crutches for a while I have to modify what I am doing at the moment. The pain usually starts to become prominent and disruptive around 11:00am; maybe it’s the time of day or that I have been up for a while but I noticed that pattern a couple years ago. I use THC (medical marijuana) to keep the nerve endings from receiving the signal that I am in pain (or phantom sensations) but when there's lower back pain, a migraine or sore muscles involved I need to take a pain medication. If I am home alone I can usually scream a little to vent some frustrations but I've gotten very good at being a 'closet cryer'. Every day I swear that I have hit the wall in regards to pain – that there is no way that it can get any worse – but it does. Right now it's 12:56am EST and I'm typing this in the dining room while I'm having muscle jerking / twitching / spasms and pain in both of my stumps. If there was a way to "see" pain somehow I would imagine it to be a strong red color with hints of purple and violet for the extremely stressed areas. I took my pain meds over an hour ago and nothing has changed. Years ago I would be completely dumbfounded by people who would kill themselves because they had chronic pain or were in a situation similar to mine. Now that the shoe is on the other foot (yes, intended joke) it's not so funny and I completely understand how and why someone would swallow a bullet. The most depressing part is knowing that tomorrow will be just a little worse than today in regards to the pain. How do you deal with pain? Have you ever experienced chronic pain? Any advice or suggestions on how to deal with this?
5 people like this
• Bunbury, Australia
16 Mar 16
I have no experience with pain of this magnitude but I believe you implicitly. I have no words of wisdom either. Can't your physician do something to help? It seems incredible that 'they' (whoever they might be) would let you suffer like this.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Mar 16
Sometimes its just a sensation that your foot is there or that your toes are itchy but there are other times when you have a full blown leg cramp or a burning stabbing sensation that you can't get rid of. For me, as archaic as it sounds, sometimes hitting another part of my body with a back scratcher or remote control is enough to stop the pain. Swap one pain for another LOL
• United States
16 Mar 16
I had to research phantom pain to understand the suffering you are made to endure. I am sure you have done lengthy research too. I was able to understand a bit more at I do wish there were a way that those in the medical profession could alleviate at least some of this pain so that it is bearable and you have a better quality of life.
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