Adoption - Babies, Pets! Why not Elders?

@thesids (22358)
Bhubaneswar, India
March 19, 2016 3:50pm CST
Hello All, This discussion is inspired by discussions from two other discussions one from @vandana7 and another from @patgaica (yes, I did not respond here but definitely read it) and also by my school days. When I was at school, I was working for an Organization called HelpAge India which was a charity and I used to collect monies from my locality and send them. Initially, it was done as a part of school work, but as I grew, I loved the idea and the nobility involved. Oh, during these days, my parents had subscribed to a hindi fortnightly magazine by the name Sarita - where in I would see advertisements where elders would put themselves up for adoption. Later, when I started working, I even started visiting an Old Age home here and spent time with the elders. I realized, most of these elders are quite affectionate, loving and have great stories of inspiration with them. But there is a pain of not being with the family. Reading the above two discussions, I felt that this is something that I had as a dream and I gave it up somewhere - maybe owing to my illness or any thing else. When we hear or read about Adoption, we normally see this as Adopting a Baby (boon for many who do not have their own kids) and I even see many adverts online for Adopting Pets. Unfortunately, there is not much around with Adopting Elders. The questions - 1. Why is that? 2. Would you be interested in adopting an Elder (if you are younger) or if you are old enough, would you be interested in getting adopted? Either case - If so, what would you look for? Have a great weekend, Sid. ps: I know it is not my time to start a discussion, but I am still sleepless.
24 people like this
22 responses
@Jessicalynnt (47880)
• Centralia, Missouri
19 Mar 16
I could use some adopted elders here, as all my family is very far away
4 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
I know you have too many issues at hand as of now. Family and also work. But when things start getting back to the good, I can suggest that you spend some of your time at one of thee old age homes. Maybe start off with 30 minutes a week. And definitely you will be more happy at least with more peace of mind.
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
20 Mar 16
@thesids I had pondered doing that, volunteering at a no kill shelter, or working with the Red Cross.
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
@Jessicalynnt I am happy that you had pondered over it. in my view, working needs commitment - something that is not always easy to decide upon. That is why I mentioned starting off with 30 minutes, just being around with such people. I started visiting the old age home just as a time pass initially as I did not know what it had in store. And soon, that became an important to do thing on my daily routine, because I enjoyed their company, their talks and their shares of experiences. I did feel at times that things being told were exaggerated but then, it is all okay, the essence is what seemed more important.
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (18407)
• Delhi, India
20 Mar 16
Hmm...even I too have my grand mother at home so no need to adopt an elderly person.
3 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
Didnt you miss out mentioning parents?
@sjvg1976 (18407)
• Delhi, India
20 Mar 16
@thesids even they are old now so I can't afford adopting an elderly person at present. I pray God to give me strength to look after them only.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Mar 16
We already have an elderly here which is my grandma, I think she would get furious to even adopt another elder. probably just adopt a puppy might be fine.
3 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
Of course, when there are already elders in the family, our first responsibility and priority is them. I believe, if one cannot attend to the elders who are immediate family, we cannot be good with adopting other elders. About Adopting a puppy, yes, that too is some good - I mentioned that I came across many websites that allow you to adopt a Pet - and most of these sites were either from US or your part of the world - Philippines, Malaysia etc. It is strange that in India there are many activists who are for stray animals, pets etc but not too many websites that offer adoption.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (138399)
• United States
28 May 16
That might bring her some joy.
@nanette64 (17949)
• Fairfield, Texas
20 Mar 16
The truly sad part @thesids is that a lot of elders are placed in care facilities because their own children don't want to take care of them. Sometimes the children don't even visit their family member. It would be nice if people would visit a nursing home once a week and just spend some time with them. You don't have to personally know the person, but just visit them and let them know they are still a valued human being.
3 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
I completely agree with the visits to a Nursing Home. I did frequently visit one such old age home (and an orphanage) for many months when I was healthier and was staying in this town (I left for some years for work later). and meeting these people, interacting with them, I came to know many things that I had only seen in movies or read in stories, and people mentioning it - many were left there due to illness, for some, their kids didnt want to keep them, some others even were duped by their own children and even some were left there because their children settled off in some foreign lands and had no interest to take the parents along with them. It is always a sad thing to hear such things, and when one listens directly from the people who suffer, it makes me think... will my baby too do this to us someday. i feel scared, no doubt.
1 person likes this
@hora_fugit (5435)
• India
28 May 16
I am not for 'adopting' an elderly. May invite them over to stay with me...though I am very gullible when it comes to being with elderly. My question was - seeing why one adopts a baby (have none) or a pet (some kind of joy, and sense of being a master) what could be the reasons to adopt an elderly. They are never going to heed to your "commands/instructions" like the earlier two do. They have had spent most of their lives without you, and as such, their lives do not revolve around you. Adoption is very difficult in its true meaning. I like talking with elderly people. About them, their lives, their children....and so on. Can entertain them all the time. But adoption, no.
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
28 May 16
A very interesting response and what you mention about the command/instruction is so true. After an age it becomes real difficult for them to be obedient or even understanding. and you are logical with your response. But for my understanding I should also ask you - there are times when humans adapt and change due to the need of the hour. so in case, there is an adult (maybe 60+ in age) and has no one to care or even is terminally ill. And this adult finds out some way to reach someone (say X) for adoption. And somehow, X starts doing it (for the sake of charity or anything). And all goes on quite well between them. X wants to bring the adult home. In Indian society, there is no legal way (or even social way) to do this. In that case what would you suggest. Oh and if it may help - X is married, has his parents and inlaws too but they do not stay together. All are in different cities/villages or locations.
1 person likes this
• India
29 May 16
@thesids To give your inquisitive mind some rest, I didn't like it last night itself as the reply had to come today only. Last thing first. If I am that (married) X, will not be able to even invite, forget about adoption. I see a friction looming... for no special fault of anyone. I don't mean to make 'obedient' people out of those elderly! That's so... well, no words to describe. And somehow, X starts doing it - means person is already adopted... shouldn't that include bringing to home? Am not well versed with legal aspects here. Somewhere I am thankful our laws are not like those of US_of_A (badmouthing them without any basis...lol) and that we can still invite someone to our house without worrying about being sued. I think if that person is ready along with X, they both are adults and it should not be a problem. Would rather believe this already happens. And the society will have to nod, either willingly or grudgingly. But I can't "adopt", seriously. Adopting an elderly means adopting a whole maze of families and people. Marriage looks less troublesome in comparison!
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 May 16
@hora_fugit Lol for the last sentence. Definitely marriage is different. X above was not for you, surely. As you got the question right, I thought to ask you more. And somehow X starts doing it - I only meant caring for the elderly sick person, funding the medical and other expenses arising from treatment, maybe food too. But I do understand your point and yes, it is quite difficult. Spending a while with them is all good but adopting makes things for life.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (67667)
• India
29 Mar 16
There is reason here. First, the elder may have children so may not be too happy to be with us since emotional attachments can never be disconnected. Secondly, elders may talk which leads to misunderstandings or disagreements. Children don't. But think about it. It makes more sense. lol
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 Mar 16
Many of the elders I met at those Old Age Homes were abandoned by their children due to various reasons. But still, these oldies did have most of their discussions about their children, their grandchildren - and the peculiar thing was that they remembered their birthdays, anniversary dates. So definitely I understand the emotional attachment thing here. No one can take the place of parents or even no one can take the place of your own baby (or family should be better word). I also understand the disagreements and misunderstandings things - but then, they happen even in a family. But still I have to agree, because this time the disagreement is not within your own blood and it can have severe complications. But then, despite all these, should they never be adopted - I mean, cant we have something where you can only care for them? I recall many older discussions here at MyLot and even some from you where you mentioned that there was an old lady, who was all alone and had no one to cook. Now, in Indian society, you being a woman, and helping an old woman is all acceptable. No one objects. But let us say, this was a case where you needed to prepare food for an old man (nowhere related to you) on a regular basis. And the society would jump in from nowhere asking you to justify your relationship with him. (I had faced this problem during work days - when there was this girl - and I could not help her as her parents just will not see anything positive.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (67667)
• India
29 Mar 16
@thesids As usual, my opinion is, if a child has even one parent he or she is better off when compared to the child who has none, so the child who has no parent gets priority for any help. Exception to the rule are children of social outcasts. Similarly, parents who have children should be looked after children. Those rendered helpless without children should be preferred to give help. Institutionalizing help like orphanages and old age homes helps children feel comfortable with abandoning their elderly. I am not ok with that. They need to look after them, and there should be periodic verification of health and wealth of the elderly people to tell that this person has not been troubled. There should be severe punishments as well for those who trouble their parents and other elderly folks.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 Mar 16
@vandana7 Yes, that last paragraph makes a lot of sense. But then, i think laws are nowhere at place for this. Do you think that these old age homes of US or UK or elsewhere have some better laws for them? Maybe I should ask that in another discussion and hope that some of us here tell us better things. The fact that India is wakening up to child laws seems all good but sadly, this aspect of life - children should be held responsible for their parents when the parents turn dependent are yet to be considered.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Mar 16
I have my Mother tho she is not an adopted elder. She is very precious to me. I can see adopting an elder person. There are areas where the elderly are visited a few times a week here, but nothing replaces the family. It seems it would have been a good calling for you Sids. You have a loving heart. They would have been blessed to have you.
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
I always believe in that - "charity begins at home". If I cannot be good to my parents or the elders who are around in my own home, I cannot be any good to others if I adopted them. I used to visit an old age home but eventually, I had to give up. no doubt, I feel bad about this. But the times I spent with them, I learned many things, saw life in different shades. Sometimes, I wish I had some good money to either start one such thing of my own or even try to find someone to adopt. I know, it will never be a substitution, but then, things can become healthy and I might be more at peace.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 16
@thesids Are your parents living Sids?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Mar 16
@TiarasOceanView Yes, my parents are alive. Though we stay at different places owing to many reasons, but we are all still in touch and almost every weekend, we spend time together - at their place or mine.They prefer to stay with the family of my younger brother.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (37406)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Apr 16
great idea. only problem with me is someone would have to take my dog also. haha. I would like to be in a family where the lady stays home and wants a mom around. lol
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Apr 16
Sounds all better. I mean, if I were to adopt you, I could fit the first condition... Dog - I had one too and love them. But as you know, as I am ill and stay at home, it is my wife who works.
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (37406)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Apr 16
@thesids sometimes we so wish we could still work also. I feel your pain. sorry
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (67667)
• India
12 May 16
@bunnybon7 .. If my father were open to the idea, I would adopt some too..
1 person likes this
@Lucky15 (33698)
• Philippines
23 Mar 16
i would love to, for i, we didn't see our parents grow older than what we expected
2 people like this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Mar 16
That is sad to read. but yes, if you want, I think you can start with visiting an old age home (f you have one around) for about 30-40 minutes a week and that may help you understand them better. And if you start loving this deed of yours, you can always spend some more time with them. I think such smaller contributions too can have a bigger effect. Oh, btw, what happened to the baby in the earlier avatar?
@SIMPLYD (83146)
• Philippines
23 Mar 16
Here elders who have no family is in a home for the aged , where kind people help them to be fed and go about their daily living . I guess , if ever , i will just let the elderly be housed in the home for the aged where she can be happy with the other older people. I would just visit her always .
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Mar 16
This does sound good dear Dee. I mean, at least they have some good hearted people around them who are caring for them with almost not many vested interests.
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@SIMPLYD (83146)
• Philippines
31 Mar 16
@thesids But as for my parents , they are at their house surrounded by my sisters and their families , which makes them happy always .
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
31 Mar 16
@SIMPLYD That is what makes you all special. I know you are a very caring person (from the past years of our interaction) and had always thought that others in your family too would have some of these caring traits. Your response just confirms that I had read things correctly.
2 people like this
@rina110383 (24070)
19 Mar 16
1. Here in my country, we only have adoption of children or minor because that's what the law says. Elders here live with their children or relatives. 2. Since my parents are still alive, no. They are my priority. If I'm old enough, I don't want to be adopted. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Besides, I'm difficult to please so better if I'll live and die alone.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
Well, some cultures are better. But still, in today's world when families are becoming nuclear, it always gives me happiness when I read that some of us still have a heart and care for our parents and elders. What makes you think that if you were adopted in old age by someone, you would be a burden to him/her? I mean, if you were so, would he/she adopt you? I too think that I am much difficult to please - especially because I have a heart of a kid who mostly remains dissatisfied as he wants too much. Until some years back, I too was all alone and felt that I will die alone. Even today at times, I think it would have been better if I were all alone. But then, the life is weird many a times and when you get out of that "being alone", it becomes scary to even think of being alone.
2 people like this
@rina110383 (24070)
20 Mar 16
@thesids I might die early if I will be adopted because as I told you I'm difficult to please, it will just end up with fights with my adopter. Better to be alone.
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
@rina110383 I understand. And no, I dont want you to die early. May you live long and have a happy healthy life
2 people like this
• United States
7 Apr 16
i used to love goin' to the nursin' home myself - not the place coz 'round here they're jest awful :( - but to visit with those who's families seem to've fergotten'f their very existence. those folks're true treasures 'n i used to get great delight with their tales'f days gone by. seems that particularly these days, if'n folks don't find'ja "useful", they don't wish to be 'round'ja. i always looked fer those who seemed to be the most lost.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
7 Apr 16
Loved reading your response. They do say that people with a great heart look out for such people. I always wondered what makes these Volunteers who do such things for almost no money. Until the day I went and started mixing with the old aged people, I was clueless. Only then, I realized that the volunteers have greater hearts. Many of the people I met were just 9as you said) forgotten by their families and spending time with them, I learned so many things. Probably their influence changed many things in me for good.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
7 Apr 16
@crazyhorseladycx I feel blessed that I know you... a lady who has a heart. ..she cares for mother nature, animals and the older folks.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (22177)
• India
30 Mar 16
Because kicking out elderly person is more in trend these days. How can one knowingly go and adopt one in such case? That is how society works. We should just follow them like the sheep we are supposed to be unless we wish to be outcast. (I should add that is not how I feel. I am just reciting)
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Mar 16
Quite true about how things are happening with the society today. I try not being one in the herd. Given a chance, I will consider it with all my heart and soul.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (22177)
• India
30 Mar 16
Same here.... There is an old lady who is not stable mentally. She has been left by her husband for another woman. when her kids grew up, they kicked her out of their home. She roams on the streets in our locality. We have tried rehabilitating her. But she always manage to run away. And I don't even wish to send her to a mental hospital. The treatment of patients is worst thing imaginable there. So, there is a lady in our locality who has an extra room set up for her. That lady brings the old lady back to that room for her to spend the night. Otherwise she would be staying out in the open at street side the whole night. the old lady never stays at one place and leaves every morning. Whenever we come upon her, we give her water and food. It is a sad situation...
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Mar 16
@Daljinder many of these stories are definitely sad and heart breaking. But then, the world is still some better place with people like that lady who set up a room for her and also you who cares and gives her food and water.
1 person likes this
28 May 16
Thanks for the discussion. I think elders are too big to be trained. People adopt children whom they can give shape to.
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
28 May 16
Yes, sadly that is one reason enough. Just as it becomes difficult for anyone adopting a grown up dog (for instance), the same applies to humans also. Once we grow up it becomes difficult to adjust or adapt. But... dont we gain more maturity once we grow up and learn to handle things and situations better than when we were growing up? we could use the same and be soft and accommodating with the people who adopted us (in case).
1 person likes this
29 May 16
@thesids Thanks the sids, I am not actually supporting the mind-sets. I had said that may be the mind set. It is easier to give shape to a raw clay mud than when the mud becomes hard.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (102194)
• Chile
1 Apr 16
I´m old and I´d love to be adopted. Not that I´s go to live elsewhere, but we need to talk to someone who cares. Even a phone call does it.
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@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
1 Apr 16
That is exactly what I was trying to say. And coming from one who feels all alone, you understand it better. Not many have been to those sides (and glad that they havent). There are times when I too just wait for someone to show up so that I can talk or even listen.
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@marguicha (102194)
• Chile
1 Apr 16
@thesids Once we had a quarrel with one of my daughters. I hinted that they should be nearer and she replied that she worked. I said that I did not need a visit, but even a phone call to ask me how I was doing would be nice. After that, things changed between us. I guess she did not mean to leave me like that.
@much2say (40199)
• United States
21 Mar 16
Interesting about adopting an elderly person - I never thought of that! When I think of "elders", I think of my elderly skating friends that were in the "coffee club" . . . they were "older" folks mostly about age 50 and above. I got to know many of them throughout the years . . . I never had much experience with my own grandparents so they were kinda like my adoptive grandparents - at least on the ice. There were all kinds of personalities from all different walks of life - but one common denominator was they were all very independent individuals to some degree as they felt compelled to be on the ice (at that age - that is completely amazing!). I heard many of their stories (and boy they were limitless when it came to telling their life stories). Some had families, some did not - but in any case, this coffee club was like family to all - it was a happy place for them. And I learned so much from them. So seeing such sharp minded, physically active elders, it made/makes me sad to see those who are not so fortunate - health wise and everything else. They are the ones who need that extra TLC. You have such a big heart @thesids - it's wonderful that you spent time with the elders that way and I'm sure it meant a lot to them!!
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Mar 16
That is so wonderful that you have a place like the "coffee club" where people from different age groups come together. At my place, we still do not have anything like this. There are parks where you can see elders come in groups and if you are interactive, may try your luck getting closer to them. But not many do that. Despite the cultural differences that India and US has, a growing scene here is Old Age homes. Sadly not many children of today are interested in taking care of their parents. The ones I met at the Old Age - most of them were discarded by their children due to varied reasons and a few were duped too 9sadly again by their children). I loved the idea of one such coffee club I started visiting them initially just to know how can people leave their parents at their age -I mostly saw such things on movies and a few stories I had read. So I started with 30 minutes a week. but sooner, there were many with whom I bonded well, and soon, it became an almost daily affair for a few years. I would sit listening to their tales of their lifes their ups and downs and much more. Maybe somewhere all of these stories had some impact on me.
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@much2say (40199)
• United States
21 Mar 16
@thesids The skating coffee club was a place where "adults" could skate, have a small group lesson, then enjoy some coffee and a stale pastry or cookie afterwards off the ice. It was a wonderful weekly social gathering (daily for some) - though I wasn't really a part of that club (I practiced before that session). I just lingered after my skate to bother everyone in coffee club ! Senior living spaces are opening up everywhere here. I know my parents have no desire to live with us "kids" nor any senior home. They live comfortably in their own home and deal with each other through thick and thin - and will do so til the end - which is what they always say. My mother in law could have taken care of my father in law, but she claimed she could not take care of him (she didn't even try). He was immediately sent to a "home" which must have been a shock to his system - and we often think how that was the beginning of the end. That was not "his" home and it was sad how he passed on not being in the comforts of his "real" home. It saddens Hubby deeply - that even though his father's mind has been lost to dementia - did he feel abandonment. Perhaps his disappointed soul just gave up. I noticed a lot of the elderly - no matter who they were - had a lot of things to say - and they were so appreciative of anyone who wanted to hear their stories - some of them being very very long long stories . I think they hoped their stories would make an impact - and I am certain they did make such an impact.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10404)
• Australia
26 Mar 16
In the Philippines, specially in the remote parts of the country, elderly people who don't have families are usually looked after by other people in the community .. in a way they have "adopted" them ..
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Mar 16
This is so wonderful to read. I am quite surprised asto why such a thing has remained confined only to a few sections, I mean, it is such a noble deed.
@Lazyblogs (495)
• Chandigarh, India
19 Mar 16
This is definitely a great idea
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
Thanks. You did not mention anything else on the response. So I am stuck as I have no clue what to reply to you
1 person likes this
• Chandigarh, India
20 Mar 16
@thesids your nobel thinking left me speechless . It is conventional thinking like yours which give me no words to explain my emotions
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
@Lazyblogs Let me be honest, many in real world dont consider my ideas to be sane
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35606)
• United States
20 Mar 16
That is a great idea as a lot of elderly people have no family members living nor friends. You could also look into a state run home for the mentally and physically impared as some of them have no families either and could use a new face around them to cheer them up.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
Some years back when I was a regular visitor at the local old age home here, I felt that these elders have so much of love and in return they do not ask for too much, just some of your time. Of course, many had health issues too but that is a different thing altogether.
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@Marcyaz (35606)
• United States
20 Mar 16
@thesids I have been there also and some of them are really lonely as they have no one to visit them and I love hearing their stories.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (134917)
• Bunbury, Australia
19 Mar 16
I think there are some schemes in Australia to adopt a grandparent but they are few and far between. It is very sad when an elderly person has no family.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Mar 16
It is sad that many people have nowhere to go specially at this stage in their lives. It is good to know that Australia has some laws for adoption. At least some place in the world thinks and cares. Here, in India, I am unsure of any such law and I think if anyone had to adopt an elder, it would be the other way round - on pen and paper, the elderly person adopting.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (134917)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Mar 16
@thesids I guess I used the wrong word. There aren't any 'laws' but some places have their own plans for matching families with elderly people.
1 person likes this