When obligations are not cleared in time...

@vandana7 (63566)
India
April 3, 2016 11:29pm CST
We may feel overwhelmed with some. And then the need to repay it may be there. But with time, significance of the obligation decreases in relation to the life events and other obligations coming into picture. Personally, I don't like taking obligations, and many I know do not like it. But when it is imperative, there is NOTHING WRONG I feel. Repaying obligations is something that I would prefer to understand. For example somebody helps me when I was in need.. Should I pay them back when they are rich or Wait for them to be in the same situation? Should I calculate my obligation with inflation included or Should I consider the ratio of my needs back then (if I remember)? There are no easy answers to this. Recognizing the need to repay is the only thing. Some of the help that we receive can't even be weighed monetarily!!! But it is huge! How do you clear your obligations, if they are monetary, and if they are emotional support or faith in you.
13 people like this
12 responses
@Daljinder (21147)
• India
4 Apr 16
I don't expect anything in return. If it is monetary help, I don't care about getting it back if the amount is small. With large amount I don't give it to somepne I don't trust. If I trust someone and have plenty to give I wouldn't expect that to be returned either. I am help and forget kind of person... If I am incapable of providing monetery help since I am short of money myself then I stand by that person through thick and thin. I don't wait for an appropriate time to come when said person needs help. And I don't keep counts either like you helped me two times and I would help you only two times in return. As long as I am on good terms with that person, I will be at their side throughout their life. No expectations!
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
I don't go overboard with help for sure. It makes the person feel too obliged and that is in itself something that ruins the relationship. I usually like to retreat from any such relationship but as gradually as possible so that I am not extracting my pound of flesh sort of. But I am not sure how clearing obligations to others are concerned. Here is an example. One of my aunts helped us buy some property in installments. She was developing contacts and began her career as real estate agent at that time. I accepted to take it from her because it was within my budget, and she came to my home and I wanted to help family. Both of us were in bad shape financially, she was somewhat better, but as it was family...and in those days I was dying for family having lived in hostels, I agreed. It gave good returns and in fact, it helped us out of red. Technically, I am not obliged. Dad does not feel obliged. But I feel she has been instrumental in some way in helping us. And it is her help at the right time that has seen us out of red. So I wish to give her better gifts. Dad is very firm and says no. I tell him his sister did not help but this distant relative did. He says no. We were not above red when her children were married so we could not spare much. But now, I feel we should be giving and dad is firm that it is not much of help. Mind you, dad used to feel at one time that we are out of red because of her. May be it is his senility. I do have my set of rows. lol. Would you call that kind of help something of an obligation? Of course, you are a cancerian and I know how you feel. lol. I have many such obligations that I need to recognize and clear. It is becoming increasingly difficult to talk to dad. He is becoming like Silas Marner. lol. Eventually this kind of help, how do you repay?
2 people like this
@Daljinder (21147)
• India
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 If a stranger helped me during my hard times and relatives did not? I would favor that stranger over them any day. Of course that doesn't mean that I would get rid of relatives. It is impossible... Lol You know about Dad's unfortune. In those days none of the relatives helped. They laughed, taunted, gave advise, suggestions but did not spare a dime. Even though they could see that studies of all three of us siblings were suffering. Only Grandpa helped! LOL Its funny you know. They didn't even spare Rs 300/- monthly fees for my youngest bro's schooling. I had to drop my studies and take up a job to pay that fees. And they were the same relatives who my father helped in tough times. Paid their kids school fees that was in thousands for years! That taught me a big lesson on expectations! And the relative you talk about if your father doesn't agree may be find a different way to help? It need not be giving gifts. LOL That kind of help would stay at the back of my mind until I had done something about it. Its like a debt hanging over our heads!
2 people like this
@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
@Daljinder ..That is what...it stays back in the mind...:( I have had relatives asking dad monies when we were struggling to pay rent, and I was earning. Women who don't work but want dad to spare monies for their children. Women who have enough, more than enough, much more than us, but begging has become a habit with them. Yeah when relatives were so mean, they ceased to be important. lol In general, I weigh now. It is the kind of need. Medical emergency. I will help. School fees, yes. But if I am helping I surely expect the person not to be wasting anything. After all, I am foregoing something. I analyze based on that I give in installments. If I find somebody wasting, I stop. I too don't expect anything in return unless I specify. lol However, I do not offer beyond some limits. :)
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (151615)
• Switzerland
4 Apr 16
If I receive a monetary help, I pay it back as soon as I have the money, it does not matter if my money is needed or not. For any other kind of help, I help back when there is the need.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
That is quite like me. Others do not believe that to be correct, but I do.
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@LadyDuck (151615)
• Switzerland
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 I cannot understand why the others do not believe that to be correct, this is the way we all go here.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
@LadyDuck ..My father for one. It is difficult to convince him that. :( Over a period it the help seems less when compared to other types of help we receive. So he becomes sort of it is not important. It is!
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@besweet (7230)
• Greece
4 Apr 16
I like to clear my obligations immediately, I don't like the feeling of being obliged to someone! If I can't return all the favors, I prioritize but I still have them on top of my list. Emotional support can not be measured but I think it can be returned by making the other person feel safe that you will be there when they need you.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
So once the obligation is cleared, are we truly clear? :) Do we feel under no obligation to help them in future?
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@besweet (7230)
• Greece
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 In general I don't like people doing me favors and I would feel obliged if someone gave me money which I am returning as sooner as possible. In other kinds of support, I can accept only if I feel that I can give back when needed.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
@besweet ..I think nobody likes favors. lol
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@ida123 (6267)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
4 Apr 16
If someone help me like monetary help, then I'll pay it but if it is emotional or moral support, then that is another story because when I help someone even money matters as long as it is not a big amount, I won't expect someone to pay me back.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
What if you feel they will never need your monetary help? Do you still try to clear the obligation, and continue to feel obliged? Emotional and moral support is huge. I know. I can remember many of those. God never gave me opportunity to clear those. And I hope he never does. I would not want those who helped me to be in problems only to give me a chance to clear those obligations.
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@ida123 (6267)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 If they say that they don't need my monetary help then I won't pay them and I won't continue feeling obliged because as what they said, they don't need the money.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
@ida123 ..What if they are rich and want monetary obligation interchanged with emotional or moral support currency?
@jstory07 (65960)
• Roseburg, Oregon
4 Apr 16
If someone helps me I wait until they need help to repay them.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
What if they never do, and what if we are not in position to help them at that time?
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@jstory07 (65960)
• Roseburg, Oregon
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 Than I will be honest and tell them I can not help them.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
@jstory07 Let me give an example...I have nothing and a friend has 100 dollars. The friend helps me with 10 dollars. Ten years down the lane, I have 100 dollars, and the friend has nothing. In scenario... a. I may now need 50 dollars for my survival and helping the friend with just 10 dollars would be no help at all, she would need 20 dollars...should I be giving that or should I give just 10 and absolve my conscience. b. I may need 100 dollars because of other commitments, rather than necessity, should I spare the 10 dollars or should I be sparing more?
@thesids (22359)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 16
Depends for me. Monetary - I have not asked anyone yet for monetary help so have no idea how I would go about it. Though I have helped many with money. Emotional Support - Of course there are many- most of them here at MyLot. and I am indebted - I cannot repay them because I always pray there never comes a time in their lifes where they would need any emotional support. Faith? no one trusts me and I do not need anyone to trust me either - so nothing about it. I am honest, and that is all. I know my ill health, my limitations today. And as such I do not need anyone having a trust that come whatever, Sid will be around for me. Harsh reality that I have realized over the years.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
I have a few obligations that I am unable to define them as such. :( I will need your wisdom for classification someday. :) I feel monetary one is the easiest to clear. I have explained one of the obligation in Porridge's box.
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@thesids (22359)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 16
@vandana7 I like that name "Porridge". Some years back, I was fond of it I am not wise. Many people say I am unfit as I weigh too much - but they forget 48 at 5feet 11 is still underweight
@Lucky15 (33423)
• Philippines
4 Apr 16
If someone helped me, ialways see the chance to repay them
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
And once you have repaid those obligations? Does the obligation cease per se?
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@Lucky15 (33423)
• Philippines
5 Apr 16
@vandana7 not really. Cause it was like a continuous.process
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@AnneEJ (5023)
• Dollard-Des-Ormeaux, Quebec
4 Apr 16
When someone does something for me, maybe I cannot repay them. But I can pass it along to someone else in need.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
It feels bad when we are for some reason unable to repay even with resources or abilities in our hand.
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@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
4 Apr 16
If someone helps me monetarily then I pay them back if that is what is expected. If I'm given moral or emotional support then I don't imagine that as an obligation to repay. I see it as genuine care and concern with no strings attached.
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@vandana7 (63566)
• India
4 Apr 16
There is subtle difference. The monetary obligation can be interchanged for repayment in moral or emotional support. It happens quite often. People expect such support for wrong when they help monetarily.
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@josie_ (6979)
• Philippines
4 Apr 16
There are two kinds of obligation. The first is the kind you promise to repay, .like a loan of money. The other kind is one which is given voluntarily like the raising of your children. You should pay the first kind but not expect any for the second. A favorite quote I like is "Plant a tree under whose shade you do not expect to sit in."
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@SIMPLYD (78586)
• Philippines
5 Apr 16
Debts out of gratitude cannot be paid because they can't be measured . It's better to be in debt monetarily because you can repay it a little more than what you owed the person .
@Tampa_girl7 (25370)
• United States
5 Apr 16
I try to pay back or make it up to anyone that does a kind deed for me .