How men see it.

By vids
@vhpsandi (360)
Mumbai, India
April 9, 2016 1:44pm CST
Today I had a bit of an argument with my husband. For some reason we have stopped communicating over the years, and now I am thinking 'is this the life I want?'. So when I brought up the subject, first he passed it off as a joke, then he saw that I mean business, so he said will try to improve and in order to prove that he means what he says , he promised to go out on a family outing tomorrow. Initially I thought that maybe I was over reacting since he immediately came up with this solution. So we can spend the day tomorrow and talk it all out. But he did not take time to burst my happy bubble. Looks like he has invited his friend and his family, his own sister and her family and another family friend with his. Some bonding huh! only I don't know with who. So is this what he took away from the conversation, is this how men really decipher what their women tell them?
6 people like this
7 responses
• United States
9 Apr 16
Oh dear it seems definitely a barrier there. I am sorry this is the way it is for you friend. It is clear that you are not quite deliriously happy with the communication problem. What to do... I had this at various times in life and walked away..I am very blunt when it comes to this..if I am not happy, if at all possible, I walk away, though this is not always easy for everyone due to various factors. I wish you luck with this my friend.
2 people like this
@vhpsandi (360)
• Mumbai, India
9 Apr 16
I spoke with the kids regarding this as well. They love their father a lot, so asking me to compromise. But its really tough when you tend to become invisible.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Apr 16
@vhpsandi I understand perfectly vids. Of course when there are children involved, it has to be our priority to do the best we can. I am still sorry to hear this..I wish it to be okay for you, I wish it to be more than okay and have the happiness and peace and love, respect you deserve in life. I only had one son, and when the situation became not only lonely, but dangerous, that was all it took for me to walk. But it still was not easy, for years it was terrible struggle. I know if you have children this has been going on for years, so you have probably already tried to initiate intimacy just you and him in outings, but it seems like he is not into that for some reason. So sad he is thinking like this.
1 person likes this
@vhpsandi (360)
• Mumbai, India
9 Apr 16
@TiarasOceanView yes walking away is really tough, and you must be a very strong woman to be able to do it.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 16
Why must you bond with other family and friends? Just not your intimate family? Is there some sort of party or sports show he wants to watch?? Hopefully he can compromise one day just you + your family but I guess it's a start to bonding?
2 people like this
@vhpsandi (360)
• Mumbai, India
9 Apr 16
yea I guess so, after tomorrow, hopefully he will realize this defeated the purpose of the trip and next time keep it for the four of us.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Apr 16
@vhpsandi hopefully he'll compromise next time around!
1 person likes this
9 Apr 16
i think you need to tell him that you guys need to get out more but only you and him . i think you need to say that you need one day every week were you guys go out somewee by yourselves and spend more time talking and getting along . men are retards sometimes. sometimes they just dont understand what they actually need to do to make their women happy again and the solutions that they come up with are usually not what their women needs. so you need to tell him exactlly what you need him to do and tell him that you are willing to try if he is but if he cant get with the program then he needs to get gone . i tolled my husband this and he jumped to do exactlly what i said .
2 people like this
@vhpsandi (360)
• Mumbai, India
9 Apr 16
So leaving things to their imagination is useless. I realized this for the n th time today. You are right, but he did it without telling me first , he tells me after the whole thing is fixed and all the others are ready to join in.
1 person likes this
9 Apr 16
@vhpsandi men are so stupid sometimes but when you love them i guess you just gotta put is head straight without hurting the relationship.
2 people like this
• Eugene, Oregon
10 Apr 16
Unfortunately that is the way some men understand things. Perhaps you should request a getaway and say "just the two of us?.
2 people like this
@vhpsandi (360)
• Mumbai, India
10 Apr 16
Yes, I guess that is the only way.
2 people like this
@kaka135 (14130)
• Malaysia
9 Apr 16
I am sorry for your situation. I am not sure if your husband really didn't get it or he was just trying to avoid. One thing I have learned is that, we need to tell them what we really want, not to let them guess. So, perhaps you can tell him, you want a talk between two of you, and a family outing just within your own family (with your children only).
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35589)
• United States
9 Apr 16
It sounds like he doesn't want to be alone with you so the two of you can talk things out. Or maybe when you said family outing he thought you meant his family and friends, yeah right. He knew exactly what you meant.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (34829)
• Canada
10 Apr 16
You have already told us that you and you husband are having a communication problem. I think that it is your husband's way of dealing with the matter that you brought up and it is not a matter that are all men are the same. Other men, might have taken more time to listen to your concerns and tried to discern your real needs. Please do some research on proper and loving communication and both you and your husband try to see how communication can be improved in the relationship.