Forgiveness as a gift of Divine Grace

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So I got some questions on my one post about forgiveness, and to Allen0187 I gave a reply concerning his question about what I would tell people in certain circumstances-and though I gave a response, I wanted to treat it more fully in another post. My post on that was primarily about myself coming past things and forgiving those who had wronged me...and how concepts of love etc. are part of Christian orthodoxy...I hadn't written it in mind of others, because my posts sometimes well, I am talking to myself as much as anyone...I am reminding myself of things I need to do...but the questions raised, were very good. So what I would tell others who are struggling with the concept of forgiving those who wronged them... I said in it that to those struggling I would give an ear and dialogue, and that I would not demand someone who had gone through a traumatic experience that they be inflicted with a guilt where somehow they were transformed into the aggressor or wrongdoer...that is madness and in reality is simply attacking a victum further-that is diabolical. That is to say, people have gone through serious harm, and at times have had clergy or other Christians *demand* that they forgive others right away and if they don't then they are not a Christian or are living in sin-they will be quoting Jesus' words yes, but in another sense, are also twisting it to a kind of legalistic manner...um, Jesus was defending the victum and His words must not be interpreted here to become a sword...or else we transform the Saviour into...well, something else. The element which Jesus was talking about was on a condition of the heart on those who were hard hearted, vindictive, and self righteous in their eyes opposed to those "other sinners"-and that must be remembered...or else, we are twisting the Gospel of Grace into again a works based conception where we establish our own perfection...or even demanding that others be perfect when we ourselves are not. And examining the entire concept, when we are speaking of the ability to forgive others who have wronged us, or anything else within the Christian life, we are talking about a Divine Grace and Divine empowerment as a result of Divine restoration. That is, according to the New Testament, it is God who empowers us to obey Him, it is God in us through the gift of the Holy Spirit who enables us to live the Christian life-and part of that is the ability to forgive others as well. I would say if someone had gone through something difficult, traumatic, go to God with your cares, and yes, even feelings of anger or hurt...because if we are talking about healing to our nature, by definition, this is part of that as well. Those who demand perfection of us...or of others, the the truth is, on our own, the Bible says we can't be perfect on our own, the ability to keep His command is based on His action in us...as St. Paul says, "not I, but Christ in me." Anything Paul says in a letter such as Galatians, or Romans, or anywhere else about obeying the Law and the weakness of the flesh, as contrasted with the Gift of the Spirit, must also be remembered that this is part of that as well, since Paul talked about these very things in those letters as well. How can we forgive? Well, how can we do anything in the Christian life? On our own in a wounded state? Does God even expect that of us? Do we expect others, anyone, or ourselves to establish our own righteousness on our own practice? I've sat with people who had undergone trauma...just today I had to do that and my heart breaks every time for them...I would not villify a victum when the truth is... We were never intended to do that on our own, just like Salvation being the work of God, so the ability to live the Life is an extension of His Grace. Christ the Saviour-Christ the Healer-Christ the God who what He requires of us also works within us that which He requires.