If I was an adopted child ...

*epiffanie*
By Bess
@epiffanie (10408)
Australia
April 13, 2016 12:25am CST
. My husband and I watched this program about adopted children being reunited with their biological parents . Some of these stories bring me to tears. Very emotional reunions . Although I can understand some women giving up their children, I don't think I could give up my child for adoption no matter how hard life is. I asked my husband if he was adopted, would he look for his biological parents? And he quickly said no. He said that he can't relate to that because he's not in that situation .. I am not in that situation either but if I was, I would definitely search for my biological mother.. I didn't have to think twice answering that question because I can sympathise with others by imagining myself to be in their situation.. If you were an adopted child, would you look for your biological parents? If you adopted a child, would let her/him know the truth and help your child in search for their missing link? Bess..
10 people like this
11 responses
@scheng1 (24748)
• Singapore
16 Apr 16
Some adopted children are in no hurry to look for their biological parents. There are a few families here who adopt children from developing countries. The children are now teenagers, and they are not that keen to look for their parents. I think the lifestyle is so different that the children who are here do not want to go back to developing country.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
16 Apr 16
I think those children who knew from the start that they were adopted, don't have that desire to find out .. I guess because these days, adoption is so common ..
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@scheng1 (24748)
• Singapore
16 Apr 16
@epiffanie Adoption is still not common in my country. I think the government really makes sure that the couple who want to adopt children are qualified to do so. They do so many background checks, and they also conduct background checks on those babies.
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
17 Apr 16
@scheng1 Australian government is also very strict when it comes to adoption.. You'll notice here that most adoptive parents go overseas to adopt .. I don't know how or why it is easier for them to do that ..
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (135299)
• United States
13 Apr 16
I would not look for a parent if they gave me up. There would be so much resentment in me that is would not go well I would not ever want anything to do with them for any reason. I kept my child in the toughest of times. I would want no less for my mom. if I adopted a child the only way they would find out is if they needed an organ. Not for any other reason would i subject them to that kind of pain. I can't see giving up my kid as long as I had two coins to buy milk and diapers.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
&sharon6345 .. Thank you for sharing your thoughts .. I do understand how you feel about this hypothetical scenario.. But you know, in some cases, the mother may be young and was forced or even tricked into giving up their children.. Some of them even spend their whole life looking for their children .. Would you not be curious or wouldn't you even want to know the real reason why you're adopted out? .. And yes indeed , no matter what, it's not going to be emotionally easy..
@sharon6345 (135299)
• United States
13 Apr 16
@epiffanie You want to know why I would be upset. I just always felt like the outsider in my family I just saw a picture of my dad that I put up yesterday,I look nothing like him.. I also put up a picture of my sibling and I look nothing like them. My mom I look nothing like. My sister we just met looks like the twin of my sister I knew all my life. if I were to find out I was adopted I would want to know now one. I felt out of sorts all my life.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
@sharon6345 I am sorry that you feel that way.. I know how difficult it is to feel like an outcast because I grew up and grew old feeling that way too .. But I know I belong to that family.. I'm just wondering if you suspect that maybe you are adopted, have ever ever thought of asking your parents? But you know what, there are families who don't look like each others ..My sister had three children and those 3 don't look like siblings.. they don't even look like their parents ..I don't know why that happened... Maybe that is also in your case ?..
@srisahara (4147)
• Indonesia
13 Apr 16
Yes, I have the same opinion with you, if I was an adopted child, I will looking for my biological parents. If I adopted a child, when he/she was adult, I will tell the truth. Because, I believe children have deep emotional relationship with those who raising them. Although they know who is their biological parents, they will feel comfort live with parents who taking care for tens years. What do you think about my opinion?
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
@srishara .. I agree with you there .. I too will tell the truth when the right time comes .. If they had a loving adoptive parents, they will continue to love the parents who brought them up even if they met their biological family .. Thank you for sharing your thoughts ..
@srisahara (4147)
• Indonesia
13 Apr 16
@epiffanie You are welcome...Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (33307)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
16 Apr 16
I'm not adopted, but I can understand why some people, who are adopted, want to look for their biological parents. However, I can understand not wanting to know. I knew a girl in university who was adopted. Growing up, she did want to look for her biological parents, but when she turned 18, she just changed her mind. She was happy with the parents she had, and that was good enough for her. So, I can understand both sides. Some people want to know, others are happy with the parents who adopted them, and prefer to leave things as they are.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
17 Apr 16
that's right .. it's better to give adopted children the choice..
• Austin, Texas
14 Apr 16
Assuming a biological parent doesn't have to be hunted down because the adopted child has a medical condition and needs to find a compatible donor to treat their illness (not an uncommon scenario) … I think when an adopted child become an adult, they should be told. Some people tell their children right from the start. It's their decision. Just as it is the decision for a person to look for their biological parents. Some people can go on with their lives, never seeking, never knowing, and be content. For others, they need closure. They need to know if giving them up was an act of unselfish love or simply a matter of selfish convenience. I'm not adopted. (That's what I was told.) But as for me, watching that TV program with Henry Louis Gates Jr., where he traces the person's ancestry … makes me very curious about not just my parentage, but my bloodline and heritage, and the people who are the reason that I exist.
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
15 Apr 16
Thank you so much @cmoneyspinner for sharing your thoughts.. Yes it will the curiosity too that would drive to search for my biological parents.. if I was an adopted child ..
1 person likes this
@nonersays (2757)
• United States
13 Apr 16
Maybe, if my adopted parents were horrible. Or unless I ended up with some horrible genetic condition and needed a family history for some reason. Otherwise I would feel no need to seek them out if I had a loving family. People have their own reasons for giving up their children, but there are also ways to find adoptive parents and still be a part of your childs life if you want to. (eg..if you cant 'afford' to raise your child a family member can adopt them and you can still know them as was the case with my husbands sister who is actually his cousin) Some people might be happy to be reunited with a child they gave up for adoption when they were so much younger, but at the same time if you go looking for people who gave you up as a child you are setting yourself up for heartbreak if they still do not want you as a part of their lives. Plus...it has to be painful for loving adoptive parents. These people who have loved and raised someone as their own, tell them that they are adopted and then all of a sudden they go on a quest to find their "real" parents. No matter how supportive they are it would have to make them feel as "less than" in their adoptive childrens eyes. They might have raised this person from a baby to adulthood and now they are suddently being referred to as "my adopted mother" as opposed to just being "my mother" and this stranger in everyones lives is suddenly being called "my real mother."
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
14 Apr 16
Thank you so much @nonersays for your enlightening response looking at all the angles of adoption.. I so agree with you .. In many cases these days, people who can't conceive, adopt children from different countries outside of their race.. They don't have to tell them that they are adopted because it's obvious..But still very emotional for everyone involved.. unless of course if it's like in the case of your husband's sister ..I think that's great for everyone ..
@SIMPLYD (81466)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
Yes , i would too , i have known that i am an adopted one . I have to know who my real parents are . But if i didn't know about it , then it's okay .
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
Thanks for sharing your thoughts @SIMPLYD ..
@LdeL0318 (6440)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
If I am well fostered I probably won't.
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
Yes, I can understand too that there is no need to find out who the biological parents are if the adopted child grew up in a loving home ..
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@LdeL0318 (6440)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
@epiffanie True. Family does not necessarily mean that you have to be related by blood, it's the love that matters most.
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@rina110383 (24072)
13 Apr 16
No. To be fair to the people who adopted and brought me up, I won't look for my biological parents. I don't want to hurt my adopters in any way. It's enough that I know that I'm an adopted child. Yes, I would inform my child. As to helping him search for the missing link, I have to ask him if he still wants to search his biologicial parents. If says yes, then I'll help me. If he says no, I won't insist.
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
14 Apr 16
I think everyone involve in adoption of a child should think of what's best for that child ..
1 person likes this
• Surrey, British Columbia
13 Apr 16
if i were an adopted child,ofcourse i will look for my biological parents and ask them why i became adopted thats all
@epiffanie (10408)
• Australia
13 Apr 16
Yes, to me also, it's important to know what the circumstances of my birth ..
@GardenGerty (101631)
• United States
15 May 16
My daughter in law was adopted. Her parents helped her find her bio mom. Later that parent became controlling and a trouble maker. The same issues that made her not fit as a parent of an infant made her unfit as a parent of an adult. However, my daughter in law had the satisfaction of learning that for herself.