Am I missing something?

@sharon6345 (80716)
United States
April 23, 2016 6:30pm CST
I had a talk with Adrain today before he fell a sleep. I thought I could really tell him how I feel and he for once try to understand me. I suffer from depression,bipolar disorder,anxiety,and something I can't spell. I go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling another.. It' so bad that I am a basket case more times then I can count. I can't control it no matter how I try. One min I hate him the next I love him. he is so use to it that he just deals. Today,as I told him how deeply tired I am of living like this and want to just end my life. He told me that I have nothing to be upset about because,I have a beautiful home and a great view. Now,I won't lie to you the view is priceless and my home is beautiful. I know this but,trust me that is not going to fix the issues I am having. I want to live a life without mood changes every time I turn around. I wonder how a nice house and view could compare. He could have those things if he really wanted them. I am not a person who is happy having things.. it is nice and i can use them for sure. I want what I can't buy even if I had the money to pay for it. I did not see my therapist twice due to anxiety issues going outside. I hear voices and have visions of all kinds of stuff. This week I saw my mom at her funeral and she is alive. I saw my daughter crying over my casket asking me how I could leave her without a mom. I can't for the life of me even get my daughter to understand how I am tired of living this way. I know without any doubts I could not be in my right frame of mind ad leave her like that. I would not ever want the questions to be unanswered till she met me in the after life. Right now I am in a better mood then yesterday and I stopped crying as well. I just want to know how adrain could even think a nice home and view should solve all my problems. Am i ungrateful I don't think so. I could be wrong though..
6 people like this
10 responses
@marguicha (66384)
• Chile
23 Apr 16
I´m SO sorry! You should ask someone to keep you company to go to your doctor. I´m sure that a change on the dose of pills does help.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
I don't need company to see the dr. I just need a pill that will help me. He can't change my pills so I am just going to live this way..
2 people like this
@miniam (9356)
• Bern, Switzerland
24 Apr 16
@sharon6345 Why can't the doc change pills?I'm asking because i have been where you are now.I don't want to and don't have to tell you what to do, but I'd suggest you insist he/she change pills.You can't know till you try. I lived in this gray/dark roller coaster for years(over 15 years) if I can be here today writing,giving hope to someone then i believe it is possible. Im not saying im cured,maybe l never will be but they gave me my life back and for that l will always be grateful.Your doc should be able to meet you half way concerning medication.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
@miniam I had an operation and no other medication can be given to me for it won't absorb in my body. This is working better then the others will.
@yukimori (8322)
• United States
24 Apr 16
No, you're not being ungrateful. People who say you have nothing to be upset about because you have x, y, or z in your life just don't get what it's like to live like that. You have everything to be upset about because your illness is controlling your life. How can you enjoy the things you have when your moods are on a roller coaster and your anxiety keeps you from living your life to the fullest? I know it's frustrating as hell when doctors won't change things to help you out. It's clear that your medications aren't really doing what they're supposed to do right now. I think it's time to start looking for a psychiatrist who's willing to help you find the right combination to get your symptoms under control.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9356)
• Bern, Switzerland
24 Apr 16
You are so kind with your comments, someone like me can understand.
1 person likes this
@yukimori (8322)
• United States
24 Apr 16
@miniam Thanks... I just know how hard it is to deal with doctors that won't address the problems for whatever reason. My fibromyalgia controlled my life for a few years until I got it under control... nobody should have to be at the mercy of their illnesses like that. It's just not right.
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
My dr. has been so good for me I had the gastric bypass 6 years ago. Since then the medications that are for my situation don't absorb in my body. They had tried but,I ended up trying to kill myself over and over. They put me on the highest amount of this one and it got me to a point where I was stable enough to stay home. he can't even put me back on zoloft either which worked for me too. I don't regret the operation for I did need it. But,the out come of this has truly hurt me. I am suffering in this world and I am tired now.
@Wowtalk (298)
• Jamaica
24 Apr 16
I hate mood swings I just can only imagine how you are feeling, right now I am having terrible mood swings, screaming kids, feeling a sense of hopelessness, headache, going take two paracetamol. It a phase just tell yourself that it shall pass and better days are a head , I know its not a good feeling.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
I had a headache two days straight which does not help.
@Wowtalk (298)
• Jamaica
24 Apr 16
so sorry about that, I hope you are finding time to rest, with me when I get short nap I feel much better. I hope you feel better soon.
@just4him (67305)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Apr 16
I am not going to even tell you I understand what you're going through, because I don't. I can tell you a nice house with a priceless view is not the answer to your problems. I'm sorry you couldn't go to your counselor because of the issues you have. The only thing I can tell you is that I will pray for you to find the answer. Have you tried praying?
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
I prayed one night and I did not want to because,they don't help me. But,that night that I prayed the next day adrain had a stroke.
2 people like this
@just4him (67305)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Apr 16
@sharon6345 I'm so sorry. I hope he is okay or will be okay.
@softbabe44 (5987)
• Vancouver, Washington
23 Apr 16
I think its just how he sees things from his point of view he thinks differently then you do
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
I know that is why I did not fight with him. I just stop talking and let the day go by. Thanks a lot.
1 person likes this
• Vancouver, Washington
27 Apr 16
@sharon6345 Just handle it the way you see fit.
@miniam (9356)
• Bern, Switzerland
23 Apr 16
Im so sorry thngs are not well, i have dealt with depression,anxiety and God knows what.It`s not a nice place to be,people will not understand. It will be helpful if you take a day at a time,if that fails,take an hour at a time.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
It's not doing me any good I tried all those already. I just hope tomorrow will be a better day.
2 people like this
@IvySaysHi (3857)
• United States
24 Apr 16
I'm sosorry you have to deal with so much. Is the last one schizophrenia?
@sharon6345 (80716)
• United States
24 Apr 16
your half right schizoeffective. thanks.
1 person likes this
@rona07 (1572)
• Philippines
24 Apr 16
I cant tell you i know how you feel because i dont. I didnt experience what you went through right now. All i had before are some anxiety attack and i even had 3 different doc. The third doc helps me calm down and she prescribe me a pill that i have to take if it seems like i cant take it anymore so that it will help me to calm down. But she did remind me to take it only if i feel like it is too mch for me and up till now i didnt take one. I just had the pill with me always to know that its there if worst come to worst. And i havent had an attack since i talk with that doc. So maybe, you might want to change your doc. Just a thoght..
@jstory07 (51300)
• Roseburg, Oregon
24 Apr 16
Just do what works for you to solve the problem.
@toniganzon (33294)
• Philippines
24 Apr 16
I don't know what to say at all to make you feel a little bit better. I don't have what you have and I can't say better. But maybe you should try yoga. It might help you find inner peace and get rid of those thoughts. Wishing you all the best.