ADD/ADHD, Autism, Blah Blah, Blah. Let's Call It What It Is......... BAD PARENTING!

Fact: Children Throw Tantrums!
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
April 25, 2016 9:07am CST
Ahhhhhh. There I said it. I cannot believe how many people are blaming the children. "Oh, it's ok they have ADHD." No, No it is not ok that your 7 year old autistic child just hit my 3 year old in the face with a toy, because he was in his path. By the parents allowing this behavior and not making a point to correct their child and TEACH them how to handle these social situations early in life, they are allowing them to behave however they choose! THIS IS NOT OK! People are enabling their children to act this way by using their syndromes as an excuse for regular childhood behavior and not correcting them when they are wrong. Children are not stupid and they know just how far they can go and with whom. I have worked in early childhood education for 20 years and I have seen it unravel before my very eyes! I have worked with children who are "autistic" and while their parents were present they lacked communication skills and were very uncooperative. Once the parents were out the door, they became totally different children! Making eye contact, using actual words and functioning like a normal child. As long as parents keep treating them like they are different, they will continue to act different. When they are actually taught the rules and communication skills, THEY WILL USE THEM. So how is this bad parenting you ask????? Well when your child is 5 years old and cannot ask you for a drink without throwing them self on the floor first, THAT is because you as the parent have not taken the time to teach your child that all they need to do is ask for the drink and they will get it. My son tried this behavior when he was two years old, and i would wait all day for him to actually ask for what he wanted. He eventually learned that he would get nothing out of me by yelling or being rude and impatient. This did not happen overnight, but it happened because I was consistent. I taught my son young to be respectful, and it makes a difference. But parents are lazy and don't understand how naturally stubborn children really are. Many of these syndromes start showing shortly after a new baby is born into the family. Caused by lack of attention and natural jealousy. This is a normal thing for kids. It is up to YOU as the parent to make sure they feel heard and included. Lack Of Verbal Skills: There is another factor in this behaviour, it is having an older sibling. Older siblings love to be the big helper and they love nothing more then following their little brother and sister around helping them every chance they get. They will ask for drinks, treats, snacks and anything else on behave of the little one. When they do this they are not allowing the little one to develop their verbal skills because they are being cut off at the pass. When they know what it is the little one wants, it's their eagerness to please and of course we can all appreciate that. But some times we need to make a point to allow the little one to use their own words to ask for what they want! Lack Of Listening Skills: This battle with any child is always a battle of wills. You as the parent must always stand strong, NEVER back down. The moment they win, it's all over for you. That my friends is a fact. When my two years old refused to do something, I MADE him do it. He might have screamed and cried through it once in a while but he did do what he was told. Even if that meant me helping him do it. If he didn't want to clean up his toys, I would take him by the hand and lead him over to the toy box hand him the toy and get him to put it in the box. If he refused then I would place the toy in his hand, wrap my hand around his and help him put it in the toy box. I did it for every toy if I had to, while he was loosing his mind. Eventually when it was time to clean up the toys all I had to do was ask. Sure I could've taken the tantrum as a symptom of ADHD but come on, let's be realistic. Two year olds throw tantrums, until they can communicate in words how they are feeling. That is why it is up to you as the parent to teach them those verbal skills early. To avoid the tantrums continuing for the next 10 years. You must Nip It In The Bud. Give them consequences for their negative behavior don't reward them by giving in, to keep the peace. The longer parents allow their children to behave so poorly, the harder it will be to reverse it in five years.
6 people like this
11 responses
@TheHorse (73698)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Apr 16
Good post. There are SOME children who actually have autism or ADHD. But these kinds of diagnoses are overused. Parents have to learn basic things like consistency in discipline, understanding what's normal for children at early ages, and so on. Like you, I've worked in ECE for over 20 years.
7 people like this
• Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
25 Apr 16
Thanks So Much!! :)
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (68629)
• India
25 Apr 16
The little one does not speak as yet...she is 2 and not a single meaningful word...plastic bracket is "toh pa"...in her language. I am just afraid...I love her so much..
3 people like this
• Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
25 Apr 16
@vandana7 Repeat the same words often. Things like Help please, cup, juice, hungry. Make her at least try to say the word and if she doesn't respond the first few times, just keep at it. I am currently looking after a little guy who was 18 month old when he came to me. He didn't say anything either. But here we are 4 months later and he talks up a storm. I chat to him all day, and every day he learns new sounds. He might not get the word right, but I give him credit when he at least tries to say it. It will work just be consistent!!
2 people like this
@akalinus (22218)
• United States
25 Apr 16
You are so wrong. There are degrees of autism. Some children are non verbal. I raised an Autistic child. I also was a parent advocate on the Committee for the handicapped at my children's school. I heard a lot of stories. It is not just a matter of parental control. I am sorry for the kids you work with. Nipping it in the bud is a simplistic answer for a very complicated problem.
5 people like this
@vandana7 (68629)
• India
25 Apr 16
Love ya...hugs. You sure understand something.
1 person likes this
@akalinus (22218)
• United States
25 Apr 16
D. is now grown and lives in a group home and works at a sheltered workshop. I know he wanted to be independent but he never would have made it. He had years of therapy and behavior modification and went to a special school. It is not like it was just bad parenting. I joined a support group for parents online and the stories I hear are just heartbreaking.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (73698)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Apr 16
I wouldn't say she's completely wrong. Many diagnoses are overused, and this can undermine the quality of service that those on the Autism spectrum, or with true ADD or ADHD, get.
4 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
25 Apr 16
Autism is a very real thing. I have worked with children for 17 years and I have taken care of 2 autistic children-one was on a higher functioning level than the other. One could communicate verbally and the other one could not. The one that couldn't did not speak to me even when his mother was not around-so it was not a show for her at all. They both had the repetitive motions and the attachment to familiar things and surroundings. My son is borderline autistic and in most situations he functions as a normal child, I have never treated him differently than his sisters but there are some things he struggles with. He has trouble with certain textures, certain motor skills and sensory problems. ADD/ADHD I do agree that most of the time these are PARENTAL laziness issues-a good amount of discipline is what needs to be done to fix the problem-not medication.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (68629)
• India
25 Apr 16
Agreed to this one...experience shows.
1 person likes this
• Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
25 Apr 16
I also work as a lunch monitor at my sons school. I work with grade primary. There are 4 classrooms in our hallway and there is an average of 3 children per class that require a TA. That is ridiculous if you think about it. When we are out on the playground most of those kids will play with others and listen to the duty teachers. When they are bored in class and don't feel like sitting, they act no differently then any other kid who is restless. Their parents are requesting this special treatment and it's clearly not needed in some of these cases!
1 person likes this
@Autismmom (400)
• United States
25 Apr 16
You may have never come out and said it isn't real, but your discussion sure implies it. Just because an autistic child can't speak doesn't mean the parents haven't tried. All of these are real. No a child shouldn't hit another without correction. You never know when something will sink in, so you have to go overboard. Which some people have told me is wrong. And by you saying don't give in to the tantrums to make it to where they don't have any is a crock. My son still throws tantrums and he is a big boy. We have been in therapy since he was 3 and he is now 21. You really need to back off and think about what you write. You made yourself look rude and petty. To make a statement like this, you need proof and you don't have it. Why? Because there are physical reasons for these disabilities. I am really concerened that you work in Early Childhood and have these thoughts about parents. It doesn't seem to me that you are willing to be very open minded when there is a problem to solve.
2 people like this
• Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
25 Apr 16
Well my son is now 9 and hasn't thrown a tantrum since he was very small. He knows I won't tolerate it !! And As far as your concern for me working in childcare, I love children and I come highly recommended in the Early Childhood world because I'm good at what I do. Parents, teachers and kids love me!! I have never had a complaint in 20 years. NEVER! I am very open minded that's why the kids who are labeled with these syndromes love me because I treat them well and can see things from their level. I take the time to listen to children and adapt my thoughts into those of each individual child!!
• United States
25 Apr 16
@Halfpintohoney I don't tolerate it either, but when you don't have the ability to understand, sometimes it happens. I guess my main problem is you were only telling about those children with labels. I see these behaviors more in those who a "normal" children. I made the comment because what you wrote sounds very narrow minded. My son may be 21, but functions at a two or three year old level. Trust me I've worked my butt to get him this far. Not all children have the ability to learn to talk. It's just not there.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 16
@Halfpintohoney I guess I should add my son has the verbal level of a two year old. I think that is low but that is what they tell me. He seems to get new words added all the time.
1 person likes this
@rona07 (1662)
• Philippines
25 Apr 16
This is a good topic. Helpful. One of my co worker before had a daughter with adhd. The kid really wont stop crying and bump her head when she wants something. Now that they consulted a specialist and the fact that she also goes to school improve her bahavior. Maybe its a great help that her mother resigned from her job to focus on her. She raised well, i can tell.
2 people like this
@aju007 (1470)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
25 Apr 16
Agree. Parents play a great role in making up a childs behaviour. I have seen some parents justify their childs no matter what they do. If they have to correct them they have to do it.
2 people like this
@akalinus (22218)
• United States
25 Apr 16
There are some things that you might want to consider with Autistic kids. They see and hear things differently than the rest of us. This is an article I wrote a couple of years ago. I got permission from the administration to post it. I will not get any money for anyone reading it. It does not cover every child and I post it only for an alternative look at these children.
You know how much you love all your children and the special love you have for your autistic child. He cannot tell you why he is throwing a tantrum or why he is upset. Here are some of the things your autistic child might want to tell you, if only he had t
@acelawrites (12558)
• Philippines
25 Apr 16
Parent's role is very important here and communication is the key to understand children.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (18090)
• Fairfield, Texas
25 Apr 16
I believe that some cases of the above; true cases of ADHD, Autism, etc., are brought about by the chemicals, pesticides, hormones, steroids, etc., in our foods @Halfpintohoney and @JolietJake that are absorbed by the mother during pregnancy and passed onto the baby causing chemical imbalances in the brain. However, the majority of incidences are brought about by the parents not doing their 'job'. Babies even know how to manipulate the parents into being held constantly or they will throw a fit. If the child is not given borders and consequences, they will continue their bad behavior.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (5800)
• United Kingdom
10 May 16
I have a son who is autistic. He's well behaved, could talk before he could sit up, and I think he's had a tantrum once, maybe twice in his life. The thing is, some parents do try to say that their child does things because they are autistic or have ADHD, etc. OK, they might have those things but a lot of parents also seem to use autism, etc. as an excuse not to discipline a child. Yes there are things that my child does because he's autistic. There are situations which overwhelm him. But he's well behaved now because he learnt because I taught him rather than using his autism as an excuse not to discipline. It is parents who do such things who make it difficult for people like myself. And who make other people think it's just bad parenting. While my son was going through diagnosis, there was one child who was clearly just naughty and seeing how his mother was with him, it was bad parenting. So, my point is that, yes, sometimes it is bad parenting (although that doesn't necessarily mean they don't have autism or ADHD) but autism, etc. is real and there are people who have it who try really hard to cope with things other people take for granted.
@cherriefic (4805)
• Philippines
28 Apr 16
I guess that good behaviour comes from parenting. Children with these special condition needs to be tamed or the should not let them mingle if they will hurt other children.