Surprise! The Hurt is Still There

Tweet

I just got back from church and found you've been just as active as you've been all day, so you must not have taken time to do the SS&S let alone eating, drinking, or being merry except on here. I don't mind. My bank also climbed while I was gone. So anyway, I'm going to tell you a story - a true story. It happened a little over a year ago. Wait, I can give you the exact date my world turned upside down. February 11, 2015. That's the date the letter was postmarked. I had been going to the church for a few years. I enjoyed the church. I was involved and I was a member. I had/have a lot of friends there. However, the husband of a good friend decided to take it upon himself to totally disrupt my life. I had been part of a group he was the head of, for about six months, called Grief Share. I became part of that group because I lost my brother in June of 2014. Consequently when you see someone every week, you learn things about them, and they you. However, I never once suspected what was going to fall down around my ears. I stopped going to Grief Share. I didn't feel I was getting anything from it. There were people there who had lost loved ones who were really hurting. I couldn't feel their pain. Yes, I had lost my brother, but the closeness of our family was never there and I didn't feel anything at all for his loss. I still don't. You all know I write a Daily Bible Study. I also send it out to a few friends. One of those friends shared the study with this couple. He took it upon himself to start making accusations against me and telling me I didn't know what I was talking about and I was listening to bad teaching and so forth. Through the course of the letter he sent me, he also told me I was going to Hell, to stay away from his wife, and get counseling. I was so hurt I didn't know what to do, but I knew one thing, I couldn't go to that church any longer. No, he wasn't a pastor, but he was in a leadership position. But I couldn't stay there. So I started church shopping as they call it, and finally landed at the church I'm currently going to. Fast forward to tonight. He was there. All the pain, all the hurt, all the feelings that I've been working through for the past year with my counselor, because yes, I did start counseling almost right away, all of it came back in a flash. I felt conscious of every song I sang, every move I made, and every thought I had throughout the service. It felt like he watched everything I did, though I'm quite certain he didn't. Yet I felt guilty. I felt cheap. I felt like maybe he was right, and yet I know beyond a doubt he's wrong. He was wrong when he wrote that letter, and everything I felt tonight was all wrong as well. If there's one thing I know it's this. I have been a Christian for 36 years. I've sat under some great Bible teachers and pastors. I've listened to countless hours of radio ministries, and I've been to Bible College. I have read the Bible cover to cover countless times. I used to be able to count the number of times I've read the Bible by how many Bibles I owned because I would buy a new one every time I finished with one. The reason I did that was that I didn't want all the highlighting, underlining, circling, and messages in the margins to influence me the next time I read the Bible all the way through. I also have countless notebooks filled with my Bible Studies. Now I have a Bible program - two of them, and I do my Bible studies online, and start a new one every time I finish the first one. I might not have all the answers, but I know where to find the answers, and I'm going to Heaven not Hell. When I saw him tonight I almost walked out, but I didn't. I stayed and when the service was over. I didn't see him. He was gone. I prayed all the way home, for all the pain, for him, for an end to the feeling of guilt that really isn't mine. I have nothing to be ashamed of, yet I felt shame. I asked God to take the hurt away. That is only one reason I'm in counseling and I will win this battle. With God's help. I don't know if you have anything or anyone who has caused you as much pain and hurt as I have felt in the past year. I hope not, but if you are going through it, I hope you too are getting some help. I'm a child of the KING and I know it. Thanks for reading.