a bun in the oven

May 25, 2016 2:52am CST
Hush now, don't get excited. The bun in my oven is - quite literally - bread. Stodgy, doughy, delicious bread. It makes my belly bulge with fullness. Bloated. Yes. Bread is my Nemesis, my kryptonite, and my secret desirable lover. He taunts me in the shop with his fresh aroma and his many flavours. An ordinary sliced white loaf? Or a bloomer? Bread made with cheese on top. Bread made with nuts, or olives or sun dried tomatoes. Bread which is perfect for dunking in hot chunky soup. Take me home. Devour me. Give in, my love, he whispers. I love Bread. But I don't think Bread loves me. Last year - for six whole months - I was able to resist the temptation he tried to sully me with and my tummy became flat. Flat!! No bloatedness, no bulging over my jeans, none of this muffin top business. Since Christmas I've lost all willpower. And now I feel constantly bloated and bulgy. It is time to start ignoring Bread. When he waves at me enticingly in the shop I must simply turn around and walk away. When he whispers sweet nothings I must simply stick my fingers in my ears and make childish la-la-la noises. It will be difficult. He will pester me with a plethora of emotions. He will cry, stamp his feet in anger, flirt with others in my presence. I shall not give in. {Until Friday when my MiL will make tasty sandwiches for our riverside - weather permitting - picnic.}
4 people like this
5 responses
@sol_cee (14333)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
25 May 16
Bread is a he. A handsome he. lol
2 people like this
26 May 16
Yep, he's definitely a he. There is a hint of femininity about him, but he's definitely a he. :)
@sol_cee (14333)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
26 May 16
@Poppylicious hint of femininity. lol
1 person likes this
@xFiacre (4227)
• Ireland
25 May 16
@poppylicious I have to tell you that Bread is also having a fling with me - so fickle.
2 people like this
26 May 16
The scoundrel! *gasp*
• United States
25 May 16
what a delightful tale 'f evils won 'n then lost. kinda like one'f those dime store romance novels, lol. jest loved't! i miss eatin' bread sometimes. i miss makin' bread e'en more. i've celiac disease'n that which's gluten free jest aint the same. i'd love to bake me a crunchy french bread right now 'n slather freshly made cream butter'n 't. sigh... happy now?? lol these days i don't bother with fussin' o'er bread, jest make sandwiches'n lettuce, lol. 't least 'tis crunchy, eh? hope yer weather holds!
1 person likes this
26 May 16
Awww, you poor thing. I think that if I was diagnosed with that it would break my heart. I'd like to be able to enjoy a quick tumble with Bread once in a while!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 May 16
@Poppylicious i always figure such could be worse. i've severe crohn's 'n a few other maladies that keep me from partakin''n foods i once loved. i do fix me some bread e'ery now'n then. jest aint the same's what i was so used to eatin'.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (146741)
• Switzerland
25 May 16
I have the same problem, I love bread, I love to make bread, any kind of bread, but as soon as I eat, even a small piece of bread, I feel bloated.
1 person likes this
26 May 16
It's so delicious, yet so cruel.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (146741)
• Switzerland
26 May 16
@Poppylicious I agree, we have a guest and I have served cheese and bread for lunch, now I do not feel well at all.
@Fleura (7110)
• United Kingdom
25 May 16
Oh yes, the smell of fresh bread is enough to overcome all willpower!
1 person likes this
26 May 16
Definitely. It's one of the most wonderful smells in the world. :)
1 person likes this