Keep talking about issues really helps??
By Wendy789
@Drosophila (16573)
Ireland
May 26, 2016 8:47am CST
Keep talking about issues really helps??
It's good to talk.
It's good to get things off your chest.
It's good to vent.
It's good to talk until you have arrived at a solution.
It's good to talk, as it helps you to get over things.
But...
Is it really good to keep revisiting the hurt?
Is it really good to keep to covering the same grounds again, and again?
When deep down, you know what you gotta do.
Sometimes to move on, means exactly that, letting go and moving on.
No more delibating about it.
No more discussions.
No more I should do this or that's.
No more feeding mental energy to a problem you try to make it go away.
Just simply moving on....
p.s. This post was inspired by a fellow myLotter, who wondered if I could share an example of my "issues"...
My response had been, there are plenty, I'm just too busy putting it behind me. I don't want past issues to keep clouding my today or tomorrow.
Your thoughts on this???
10 people like this
10 responses
@Daljinder (23233)
• Bangalore, India
26 May 16
I feel these issues work like the "grudge" does. I mean some people find it difficult to forgive and forget. They hold a grudge for a long time while there are people who forgive and forget just like that.
People have different ways to deal with things or issues as you said. Some deal with letting it all out. Some deal with putting the lid on it and throwing them away.
I don't know if I am making any sense here.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
exactly, I just don't find "talk and repeatedly talk" works for me.
If I keep feeding mental energy to something am trying to "forget" its has the opposite effect.
also I don't think anyone can "forgive and forget" just like "that".. at least not the people I come across. forgiveness is an ongoing work.. and so is forgetting. it might take some people longer time than others. but by no means its an effortless "just like that".. they might just choose not to talk about it that's all.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
27 May 16
@Daljinder depends on the magnitude of the transgression..
some hurts can go on for months or years. but it's not an easy process.
I actually think, people that took years and not getting over the issues, are actually holding onto the hurts themselves. For what purpose, I don't know.
But the more they keep reminding themselves of the issues, the more they will not move on.
I think in some aspects, because they have hold onto it for so long now, that it actually scares them to let it go. because it has been so ingrained in their identity, that without it, they no longer knows how to function properly.
That.. I think, is more scary than the original damage of the transgression
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23233)
• Bangalore, India
27 May 16
@Drosophila I didn't mean effortless by just like that. I meant in a day or two at the most.
Just the way people move on from issues in a week or month while some take years and still are nowhere near getting over the issues.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215405)
• Chile
26 May 16
It helps with recent pains. But I don´t believe that it will help any to tell about a bump on your head when you were a toddler.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
hahaha.. yes I don't even remember the bumps..
am sure dredging it up does little good either.
Recent pains aye :D
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215405)
• Chile
26 May 16
@Drosophila Some people want others to pity them. When there´s nothing that has happened recently, they will tell that their parents abused them. BTW, my parents did give me some spanks in the butt when I was a kid but I do not feel abused. And I did not become a serial killer because of that
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
@marguicha that's true.. ya I keep getting told in order to get over something.. I need to "relive it"..
am not sure that works for me, as I gotten over it just fine..
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
26 May 16
The issues I have - putting them out there here wouldn't do me much good LOL
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
@AbbyGreenhill hhahahahaa.. you knows it.... xD
the ghost of the tomatoes past
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
lol.. you mean your murderous deeds to the poor tomatoes.. no wonder you don't wanna talk about it. :D
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
26 May 16
Broadly speaking I agree with you. We do, however, have to learn from our past mistakes or the way in which we've dealt with a particular issue before so don't put them so far behind you that you can't retrieve them if required!!!
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
26 May 16
HAHAHAHA... yes, the idea is.. if we have sufficiently dealt with the issue, and solved the root cause, hopefully we shouldn't run into the same problem again. I sometimes think, the fact we repeatedly run into a similar problem, is perhaps, we've yet to solve the "root cause" issue. like dealt with the symptoms but not the cause.
And we will keep run into that same problem, until the "root cause" is solved. so the lesson there is maybe to try out different solutions...and not merely repeat the solutions we used before.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
27 May 16
@WorDazza yep! so best treat the finger instead of the plaster :p
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@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
27 May 16
@Drosophila Yeah, the sticking plaster only works so many times before the finger eventually falls off.
1 person likes this
@HebrewGreekStudies (1646)
• Canada
31 May 16
Revisiting the hurt, no, then it becomes like a mantra or affirmation of pain-like a hypnotic suggestion, it does take root in one's subconscious. When I get ppl to talk about somnething, when revisiting something, I try to introduce a new angle that they can reconsider with it.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
31 May 16
that I guess is the true value of talking about things, a fresh aspect.
1 person likes this
@acelawrites (19273)
• Philippines
28 May 16
It could be so stressing to tackle such issues that keep you down, so better avoid it.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
28 May 16
Lol then I guess it shouldn't be surprising if one stayed down
@JESSY3236 (18923)
• United States
27 May 16
I think repeatedly talking about something can be more hurtful. But once is enough.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
27 May 16
I think so, I have had friends who studied psychology insisting you must retrace your steps blah blah to go forward...
I just dont think it works for me
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
27 May 16
Indeed.. ya, I acknowledge it, deal with it, then move on..
1 person likes this
