She Wants Me to Break the Rules

United States
May 30, 2016 8:55pm CST
My lady was admitted to the hospital on Saturday night. I have been in touch with her every day and told her I would continue to call her. She asks me every time I call for my phone number. Well after considering that one, I will give it to her. If she calls at an off hour or a when I am busy at work or elsewhere I will let it go to voicemail. Tonight she told me she will be going to rehab for a while to gain her strength back. I told her that it was a good idea for her to do so. She now worries that she will not have clothes or other personal items to bring with her. I have told her that I cannot be in the house when she is not at home. I would lose my job. Then I jokingly told her that she could hire me full-time to be her aide, but she couldn't afford to do that. So I offered to go with her neighbor to get the things she needs. I know where everything is in her home and could gather them up quickly. Then I would have ask her neighbor to bring them to her. I cannot bring them to her myself because of agency rules. My lady then said that I needed to ignore the rules and help her out as a friend. I would if I could, but I can't.
29 people like this
26 responses
@Susan2015 (17503)
• United States
31 May 16
You can only do so much. Maybe you can visit her once she gets settled in there.
4 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
I will visit her once a week if I can. I hate to make promises that I can't keep. They only disappoint people.
2 people like this
@Susan2015 (17503)
• United States
31 May 16
@ElusiveButterfly Yes you can only do what you can.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
@Susan2015 still it bothers me that I can't do more for her.
@BelleStarr (29318)
• Portland, Connecticut
31 May 16
I know she doesn't understand that to your employer there are no friends just clients. It is a shame that compassion can't be part of the business model.
3 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
To add insult to injury, this poor woman was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She isn't coping well.
3 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
@BelleStarr it is. I keep telling her that at her age (84) she is doing better than my mother is and she is 77. Now with this recent happening I wonder how long it will be before she has to move to assisted living.
2 people like this
@gudheart (12808)
31 May 16
@ElusiveButterfly Oh no that really makes it even harder :(
2 people like this
@jstory07 (57772)
• Roseburg, Oregon
31 May 16
You should not you do not want to loss your job.
3 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
I cannot afford to lose my job. If her family would want to hire me to do private duty I would not have a problem with that.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (76046)
• Chile
31 May 16
You cannot afford to lose your jobs because of her.
2 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
I keep telling her this, but she doesn't seem to fully understand the ramifications I could suffer as a result of my doing these things for her.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (76046)
• Chile
31 May 16
@ElusiveButterfly Then just don´t mind her. It seems that she has gotten too demanding and doesn´t realise that you are doing your job in the best way you can.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
@marguicha she is a demanding person. Always tells me that I need to bend the rules. I have to laugh it off.
@LadyDuck (108572)
• Switzerland
31 May 16
She surely does not understand that you risk your job if you break the rules. Do not listen to her and follow the rules.
2 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
That is my intention. She thought I would bring her for her belongings. I cannot do that.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (48827)
• United Kingdom
31 May 16
It sounds like you have your hands tied with silly rules.
2 people like this
• United States
31 May 16
I cannot risk my job for the sake of a client's requests.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (90145)
• Bunbury, Australia
31 May 16
This is getting harder and harder isn't it? I hope you can work something out with the neighbour. Can't the agency help in authorising two of you to go to the house and get the needed garments?
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (90145)
• Bunbury, Australia
31 May 16
@ElusiveButterfly With respect, it doesn't sound as though her Alzheimer's is very bad yet. But it is certainly a difficult situation.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jun 16
@JudyEv she has a way of masking her way through things.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (90145)
• Bunbury, Australia
7 Jun 16
@ElusiveButterfly I know they get very good at social chit-chat etc making it hard for others to believe they have Alzheimer's.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (48172)
• Centralia, Missouri
31 May 16
it's sad, but very true, you could loose your job. Still gathering them up with the neighbor there, perhaps they could drop it off.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
That is what I am hoping. She tries to be manipulative, but I nip it in the bud. I can't tell you how many times during my 45 minute visit with her just how many times she tried to convince me to bring her home, or pick up her things for her.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
1 Jun 16
@ElusiveButterfly the few times I have done jobs like this I could actually take the client to appointments or home, not pick things up, but I could take THEM to pick things up. I prob would have been ok delivering stuff from their home to the hospital too
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
@Jessicalynnt We cannot take a client in our vehicle without special insurance, and also permission from the company. They have to be on a special program for that. Not everyone transports. If we don't want to do that we don't have to.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14417)
• United States
1 Jun 16
oh the poor thing. I know how she feels. I felt that way toward one of my therapists once and I knew the rules very well so I never said anything to her. When someone treats us well, believe me, we take notice!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
I have always lived by the rule that you treat others the way you wish to be treated.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14417)
• United States
2 Jun 16
@ElusiveButterfly that's the best way to live...for everyone!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 16
@CRK109 more people need to try this.
1 person likes this
@Lucky15 (33271)
• Philippines
31 May 16
hope she understands you
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
I have tried to explain, but it falls on deaf ears.
1 person likes this
@Lucky15 (33271)
• Philippines
31 May 16
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (20964)
• United States
2 Jun 16
I think she thinks of you as a a friend. She doesn't understand.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 16
She is under the assumption that I can pick her up after I get out of work and drive her around. Per company guidelines I cannot.
@GardenGerty (87554)
• Marion, Kansas
1 Jun 16
I have been in situations like that. You cannot afford to break the rules and put your job at risk.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
I spoke with her son and told him my concerns. He said not to worry, he wouldn't want me to lose my job either. He knows that I am the one that she depends on most.
@gr8nana6 (2256)
• United States
31 May 16
I'm sorry that it isn't allowed through your employer to help this lady out, but rules are rules and you do have to abide to them which is sad.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
I may bend them a little, but never break them to accommodate a client's wishes.
@Macarrosel (7652)
• Philippines
31 May 16
I hope everything is fine and no breaking of rules. I hope your lady is fine too.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 16
Hoping that she is able to pull through this episode with flying colors.
@BettyB (4304)
• Summerville, South Carolina
31 May 16
Do what you can. That's all any of us can do.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
I wish I could do more, but would probably lose my job if I did. Eventually there may be an option for her to have someone in the evenings for an hour or so. It won't be me though. I work enough hours as it is.
@MGjhaud (20833)
• Philippines
31 May 16
thats tough but i would rather call her relatives to take care of her instead of you. we can only do so much for a friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
I am going to see her neighbor at some point today. Hopefully she will help her.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
31 May 16
Are you an in-home-caregiver? Too bad she doesn't have family that would bring her those needed things like I did last year when my husband was in rehab for a few months time. Does that mean that you can't visit with her there in rehab either? Is she your only account or one of many?
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
I am a home-care provider. She said her family can't bring her things. Her children are scattered about the USA. She has more or less become dependant upon me lately. I can understand that too. Even though they frown upon our seeing our clients outside of work, I will visit her occasionally while she is in rehab. The problem with that will be that she will want more visits than I can give.
@marsha32 (6795)
• United States
31 May 16
I think it would be hard to not get personally involved.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
I have been her aide for nine years now. How does one not grow close to someone after being with them for so long?
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
My aunt took on a client after my mom passed away. My aunt went to the classes and started working for the agency she used to work for, just for my mom. Anyway, my aunt took on another client after my mom passed away and the two became really good friends. I am not sure of the exact rules, but I do think my aunt broke a few. For one, she had the lady at her house for a couple of holidays. The lady was a very nice and funny woman, full of life. She also took the client out and they'd stay out PAST my aunt's working shift. Of course my aunt did get a bit agitated at that. Anyway, the woman did have my aunt's phone number, and my aunt did go to see her at the hospital and the such. My aunt actually became attatched to the woman, so when the woman passed? My aunt had to just quit the CNA business. She couldn't handle getting so personal with another client after my mom passing and then this lady. When I worked as a IHA, you weren't allowed to have anyone take you to or from the clients house, no one was to know where the client lived except for you, no un authorized outings etc... Of course this was a different company I worked for.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
Same rules apply here as well. In the past I brought Christmas Eve dinner to one of my clients. Brought her a couple of small gifts. She lived alone with her cats. That brought her so much joy. It did me as well. I brought Thanksgiving and Christmas meals to my lovely 100 year old lady all the years I knew her. If I had a ramp I would have brought her to my house.
@softbabe44 (5963)
• Vancouver, Washington
31 May 16
When rules over rule that's when to worry
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 16
And I worry about that too. LOL. So I just keep telling her that I will do what I can to help.