Part II Good News

The back of the facility where my mom is currently. © Marsha Musselman 2016
Midland, Michigan
June 4, 2016 2:22pm CST
In my previous discussion I titled it: Got some bad news, good news and an interesting proposition. I'll was going to share somewhat briefly on the other two, but instead I'll do the good news now and the other one later because knowing me I'm a bit long-winded. My mother has been staying at a senior facility that also has about twenty rooms of supported care. They help her get dressed, help with showers, but if you need a lot of help then you either pay an aide for a minimum of two hours each or come yourself, and that's what we've been doing. Since about November we've been having a family member with her for lunches and supper meals every day. Recently, about a month ago or so we've also been going for breakfasts. It seems that as Mom's eyesight has failed even more, that her interest in eating has declined. So even though she still feeds herself, we're there to cut any foods that need cutting and helping her find what she can't see on her own. Since we'd be paying for services for nursing staff for meals, since we're doing it, we're still getting paid a smaller amount to help her out since we have to rearrange our days to do so. Now my mom needs even more care that they aren't willing to oversee, so we've been checking out other assisted living arrangements. My sister and I went to a few smaller, family type facilities last Monday, and the lady running them informed us of a new place not yet well-known. We visited that one too and really liked the place. That is the good news for us that I wanted to share. We had my sister from Detroit also visit there and she went to a larger facility that is also somewhat new which she liked better. We visited that place today, but although they had a good sales pitch, they weren't as upfront in their pricing as they could have been. We all agree to go with the homey atmosphere and are hoping after my mom gets evaluated that she'll be moving in this week. Have any of you ever had to move a parent into a facility before and if so what kind of place did you find and how did your parent adapt? I could write another discussion just on that. The link is the place where she will be if accepted. She'll be sharing a room, but it's the only room with it's own bathroom. The picture is the place she's been at for the past two and a half years.
8 people like this
7 responses
@Corbin5 (60965)
• United States
4 Jun 16
Well, we tried to keep Mom with Dad in their home for as long as possible. But, Mom's dementia worsened to a point where she was hallucinating, going next door to call the police and ranting non-stop which was taking a toll on my dad. Mom's doctor said Mom would be best served in a nursing home setting and we looked around and choose the best one in the area. We had to work with elder care lawyers, well let's say I worked with elder care lawyers for a year, since I am Power of Attorney, to get Medicaid after two years of Dad private paying for Mom. We had to protect Dad's money so that he would be able to have good care too in the future. Dad did well in a senior living facility for 6 years, but a medical emergency resulted in a need for 24/7 care. Dad is now at the same nursing home as Mom, the best of the best. Dad will private pay, using the money we protected, until he meets the requirements for Medicaid. Dad is paying, $8,353 a month for nursing home care as a private-pay resident. We are only 3 minutes drive from the nursing home, so we can check on Dad all the time. Dad will outlive all his money even though he is age 95. Longevity is huge in our family, think 104. No way could Sis or I manage Dad's care, even with home help, since Dad's issues require constant monitoring. We have spent 17 years seeing to the medical and financial areas of our parent's care and we have what we like to call PTSD due to elder care. Whew. Cathartic response for me.
2 people like this
• Midland, Michigan
4 Jun 16
Well, I'm glad I could help you out in this manner, lol. I'll be back to talk to you again about this I'm sure, but I'm doing mom's supper today and need to leave shortly.
@jaboUK (48595)
• United Kingdom
4 Jun 16
@Corbin5 Once your Dad's money runs out, what happens? Will Medicaid cover everything?
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (60965)
• United States
4 Jun 16
@jaboUK Yes, when he only has the required amount left, then the government will fully care for him. The government will still be taking his monthly pension and social security, but that is fine since the cost of Dad's care is astronomical. The government took care of our mother for 5 years at over $6,000 a month and Mom just had a tiny bit of social security since she stopped working to raise us. So, the government paid over $360,000 to provide excellent care for our mother, and that is why we are fine with Dad private paying until he reaches the small amount required. I have a feeling the government will be paying even more for Dad's care when the time comes.
3 people like this
@just4him (72692)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
6 Jun 16
It seems like a very nice place. When our parents first went into assisted living we went together with Mom to look at the different nursing homes. It turned out my Dad made the final decision about where he wanted to go. But it was my sister who oversaw everything, even moving Mom to another facility for full care nursing a couple months before she passed.
2 people like this
• Midland, Michigan
11 Jun 16
So far, in the first few days, my mom has been spending a lot less time in bed sleeping, which is a great improvement. When she awakens in the mornings, she heads for the kitchen to see who is up and what's happening. Even when allowed to take naps, she doesn't stay in the bed the whole day, but she gets back up goes to find people. I hope that it will continue and not be a short-lived thing.
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@just4him (72692)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
11 Jun 16
@MarshaMusselman Is she suffering from severe depression? I hope it lasts as well.
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@just4him (72692)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
12 Jun 16
@MarshaMusselman It does sound like she's improving. That's a good thing. I'm glad she's giggling.
1 person likes this
@Susan2015 (16255)
• United States
4 Jun 16
Medicare paid for home visits and stuff like that when my mom fell. But a few years later after getting worse because of an illness, I had no choice but to put her in a nursing home. We could not afford home care. That is something that I will never forgive myself for, putting her in a home.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (60965)
• United States
4 Jun 16
We did the same for my mom and dad too. Mom's dementia was out of control, but she did really well in a nursing home, 3 minutes from my sister's house and my house. We kept Dad independent until age 94, but 23/7 care is needed now. We did choose the best nursing home in the area, and my sister and I are over there all the time since we are so close. Do not feel bad about your mom because you and I are not trained in elder care and no way could a home-care person provide 24/7 care either. I thought I put Dad in the wrong setting, but when things get out of hand and staff handles the problem right away, I know they can do what I could not.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (48595)
• United Kingdom
4 Jun 16
This issue hasn't affected me personally, but I can see how stressful it is. I hope you get your mother settled satisfactorily.
2 people like this
• Midland, Michigan
4 Jun 16
I'm not stressed out about things because there are several of us in the area and together we're coming up with the decision so no one needs to feel left out or upset that the others left them out. This place we picked, my sister from Detroit told us it would probably be the best suited for Mom, but she wanted her in the other less homey place as she felt safer about leaving Mom there. We think she will get more one on one care from the place with less people than the larger place. Plus, there is someone moving from the larger facility to the place we like best. Maybe one day we'll find out why, bt it's interesting to think about.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (36204)
• United States
4 Jun 16
I never had to place anyone in a faculity like that but I know some of them are nice and others not so nice.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (28248)
• Portland, Connecticut
4 Jun 16
It looks like a nice place. We kept my mom at home until she was 96. She has been in the nursing home now for 4 years. It was a traumatic move for me but mom seems to have adjusted very well.
2 people like this
@LoriAMoore (11383)
• United States
28 Jun 16
I just noticed that you're in Midland, Michigan. I used to work for Northwood University whose main campus is in Midland. I managed the 5 Kentucky campuses for them.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
2 Jul 16
Well, that's cool. I knew they had other campuses, but I don't know where they all are.