Love for the second time around
June 5, 2016 7:20pm CST
If you read my previous discussions here, I broke up with my partner for being so controlling and other reasons. And for the past weeks or almost a month now, I felt the convictions in me that I'm condemning and blaming him a lot for so many things despite of admitting and feeling sorry of what he did to me. When we broke up, I saw the tremendous change in him. At first, I said to him he's doing that because of course he wants me back. And me, kept on pushing him apart from me and telling him that he will not change or it's just a show or whatever. I told him that he's ok because everything was planned according and in favor of him. Me not included. I'm not me anymore. But, these past few days I realized I became too hard for him. I loved him and still does. So I asked myself why am I doing this . I know I can't turn back time and can't redo a lot of choices. But I'm pretty sure I can move on and do something better. Just like yesterday, we went to shop together to buy school supplies that we will distribute for the children of the mountains we used to hike together, a specific tribe we both help since we're in college. And I felt how much I miss him and how much I love him. At first, I thought we will end up parting again fighting. When we talked about work. Yes we fought of course, the discussion is history and I feel like I'm really am broken and lost. I remember all the things said and done. I feel the emotions I am trying to conquer. But, unlike before, he encouraged me to be a better person. Not just for him but for me as well. His words changed. He admitted things he used to deny. And it melts my heart. So later that evening, as we parted, I kissed him good bye. And texted him that though everything is not ok, I want us to be partners again, just help me to cope up from stress and brokenness. He was so happy. I felt some relief, because I'm guilty of not forgiving him, for thinking that he will never change and for judging and predicting that he will always be the same. I just pray that things will work well this time. I know there will be a lot of things ahead of us. Just like what he's saying, maybe that is one of the many tests that we need to endure. We both need to change. Not just him but me also. Is it true that love is sweeter the second time around? I really hope so.
3 people like this