So Frustrated ( Mom related)

United States
June 25, 2016 8:27am CST
It's a beautiful morning here in my little corner of the world. I'm enjoying my quiet time to have my cup of coffee and ease into the day. Yesterday was a busy day and I didn't have much time to spend here. I had a meeting with the staff at the rehab facility where my mom is for an update on her progress. Seems that she is doing well medically but when it comes to doing her physical therapy she is being a bit stubborn and doesn't want to go. I've tried talking to her and telling her that she needs to do this even if she doesn't want to. Goes in one ear and out of the other and she just starts to pout. I'm frustrated because I know she has to do this in order to come home. The other side of the coin is the insurance and what they will cover and how long they will cover it for. She just thinks if she comes home everything will be honky dory and I'll be doing all the work that the staff does at the rehab. It certainly is difficult when parents require care but don't want to cooperate in helping themselves. I'm at my wits end because there is no way I can care for her in the condition she's in now. I'm starting to think that maybe the end result will be a nursing home. I have faith that somehow this will all work out but some days it's just impossible to see that far ahead.
26 people like this
27 responses
• United States
25 Jun 16
Maybe you should explain to her in very simple terms what will probably happen and that she has some control over the situation by doing the exercises.
6 people like this
@DianneN (91440)
• United States
25 Jun 16
That didn't work for my husband's brother. Stubborn!
3 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 16
@DianneN I only suggested it as it worked for my mom in 2014 when she had a bad fall. She was there a week not improving, not trying, just waiting out her time until she could go home. Once she understood she wasn't going home unless she did the exercises she jumped on it and had a focus. She was home in a week. She was only 85 at that time, younger than Marilyn's mom.
3 people like this
@marlina (80526)
• Canada
25 Jun 16
@Jeanniemaries , I think that this is a good way of talking about it.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (18059)
• India
25 Jun 16
Keep faith. Won't she listen to the people at the centre about doing her physical therapy? my brothers and me recently got an yoga teacher for our mother, she didn't want to but my brother persuaded her. The results are showing up good, he agrees that she feels better.
4 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 16
My mom just wants to stay in her bed and doesn't want to do what it takes to get back the use of her legs and get stronger. She perfectly happy letting everyone cater to her and take care of all her needs
• India
25 Jun 16
@Marilynda1225 its hard for the patient and also for the care givers. Don't the doctors there insist that she does her physical therapy? she would listen then maybe.
@Raelove (17740)
• Saco, Maine
25 Jun 16
My son's girlfriend is going through the same thing with HER mother. She has lots of medical issues but does little to help herself. She is in and out of the hospital and rehab, and doesn't follow up on her self-care. I remember my mother also not doing well in therapy when she had cancer and fell. But her cancer was in its last stages, and there was nothing more to be done. I wish you all the best with your Mom. I have faith that it will work out.
3 people like this
@Marcyaz (35589)
• United States
25 Jun 16
If your mom doesn't start doing her physical exercises they probably will stop paying for her care and then what happens. It does sound like she might need to be into a nursing home for her care and she sure won't like that.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 16
Insurance will keep paying as long as she makes progress (from what I understand). I'm just afraid that she'll get herself thrown out before she gets the amount of therapy she needs for rehabilitation
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35589)
• United States
25 Jun 16
@Marilynda1225 But if she doesn't go they will not want her there anymore then what happens? If she goes into a nursing home she may have no choice but to go to therapy.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (91440)
• United States
25 Jun 16
I feel for you and understand completely. My husband's brother was in rehab a few times. He, too, refused to go to therapy while there. Once, while we were visiting, one therapist would not take no for an answer and he went. The others usually let him be. When he finally was able to return home, he had a therapist come to the home. I hope you can find a solution that works best for all. It's so frustrating!
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 16
It's a difficult position to be in but I don't see myself being able to give her the care she is going to need. I'm no spring chicken and have my own health issues so my level of home care is limited. I know it will all work out somehow but right now it's just so darn frustrating
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (34291)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
25 Jun 16
It can't be easy to have to deal with this situation. Hopefully, it'll all work out.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16685)
• Boston, Massachusetts
25 Jun 16
Just be honest with her and tell her that her choices are doing the therapy she needs to be able to come home or to go to a nursing home. If you aren't able to care for her, she will have no other choice. But don't feel guilty about it, you are doing the best you can. And she can only do so much, too.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 16
I'm over the guilt of having to possibly make the decision to put her in a nursing home. I've been a good daughter all these years especially the last 8 when she's lived with me and I was her sole caregiver. Life has been hard taking care of her but this is maybe the best scenario for the rest of her years and the care she will need
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16685)
• Boston, Massachusetts
25 Jun 16
@Marilynda1225 You have done the best that you can, and I am sure that you will make the best decision that you can.
@amadeo (78301)
• United States
25 Jun 16
sooner of later most of us will have to face this.It is hard to leave one home.I understand the feeling. But if you cannot take care of here.Then I guess the nursing home is an option. For me I will never go to one.I have seen quite a few and do not want to see anymore.This is my take on this
1 person likes this
@marlina (80526)
• Canada
25 Jun 16
But @amadeo, what would you do if Mike can't take care of you?
• United States
25 Jun 16
I certainly don't want to make the decision of having to put my mom into a nursing home but if her care is more than I can do then it's inevitable. I'm not in a position to lift her and do what's necessary if she can't help herself a bit too
@hostessman (10261)
• Tucson, Arizona
25 Jun 16
good luck you have your hands full. If you can't handle her put her in the nursing home even if you don't want to. Otherwise both of you will suffer..
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 16
It's a difficult decision and it's not something I want to do but will probably have to do eventually
@Dena91 (4861)
• United States
25 Jun 16
Mike's dad is really stubborn when it comes to things like this as well. I'll be praying for you and your Mom in the days ahead. Have a blessed day
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 16
Thanks so much for the prayers as I'm sure God will work out a solution for us somehow
1 person likes this
@LoriAMoore (4668)
• United States
25 Jun 16
Yes mom's are frustrating. Mine is in a similar position
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 16
Sorry to hear that you are going through he same thing
@sj3011 (630)
25 Jun 16
Good morning.. everyone one has its own way
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (17164)
• South Africa
8 Jul 16
I could have had a busy day with some of my passed mothers shenanigans yesterday - I missed being able to call her. Strange feeling that is.
@sofssu (18090)
28 Jun 16
Its tough.. I guess as people age they become stubborn and lethargic. I hope everything works out weel for you and your mom.
@BettyB (4205)
• Summerville, South Carolina
27 Jun 16
Maye its time to have a blunt discussion with her. Maybe if she realizes that she has to improve or end up in a nursing home, she might put forth more effort.
27 Jun 16
i'm sorry. it sounds like it is very stressful, a lot to worry about
@Blondie2222 (22873)
• United States
27 Jun 16
Well I hope things will work out with your mom and that she will start doing the physical therapy so she can come home. Does she know she can't come home until she gets all the help she needs to get her strength back ? I would never want to put my parents in a nursing home if it came down to it i would want to take care of them myself if i could along with my sisters. But you gotta do what's best for them. I hope she turns around and gets better.
@CRK109 (14381)
• United States
26 Jun 16
You need to find someone she will listen to. Someone has to go to her and explain that what she's doing there can't be done at home and the only alternative is the nursing home. Maybe that will get her moving a bit more if she knows what the consequences would be.
@cacay1 (33192)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
26 Jun 16
It needs long patience and perseverance in your part. It is not easy to deal a sick mom that does not cooperate.
@Macarrosel (7536)
• Philippines
26 Jun 16
Old people are really stubborn. I hope I won't be like your mother when I grow old.