Forgive and Move on and Face the Reality

Act of Forgiving
@Shiva49 (9684)
Singapore
July 13, 2016 11:07am CST
The act of forgiving does not come easy but we are exhorted to do so and move on. I have been wronged by few to the extent of leaving deep scars that fester by way of not being able to forget the acts. I can forgive and have done so but forgetting is another matter. In fact, I want to remember them to stay tuned to the reality of the world. For one thing, I do not want to carry on as if nothing has happened. Some even turn the tables that they did it as a favor to us and in our interests. I forgive them as I know I will only be punishing myself in not doing so. Why carry the hurt more than they do; so it is in my interest to move on by shedding baggage. Forgiving the wrong doers also comes with a caveat that final justice will be done. But do they care? We can have noble intentions and honorable closure, but they seem to walk away scot-free. Of course, belief gives us the refuge and for me I want to move on rather than be held back by few evil. I feel it is in a way like non-violence advocated by Gandhi which may not have many takers now. I know most forgive, but how do you feel about this issue? Image from Wikimedia
10 people like this
12 responses
@jaboUK (50715)
• United Kingdom
13 Jul 16
Forgiving is really the only sensible thing to do - Francis Bacon said "He that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green".
7 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
We should forgive and move on for our sanity. We should get the albatross out of our neck. Why prolong the agony? But should we forget too? siva
5 people like this
@jaboUK (50715)
• United Kingdom
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 The thing is Siva - we can control the forgiving, but not the forgetting.
4 people like this
@Marcyaz (36111)
• United States
13 Jul 16
I can forgive but I do not forget ever. I do know that some time they will get what is coming to them.
5 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
That is what I was driving at - forgive to move on without rancor, but remember the acts to keep out of harm's way in future; once bitten twice shy! siva
4 people like this
@Marcyaz (36111)
• United States
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 Very true once bitten twice shy. I have moved on and forgiven but will not forget.
4 people like this
@ramapo17 (19100)
• Melbourne, Florida
20 Aug 16
@Shiva49 Exactly. I have a sister that has been a thorn in my side all my life. Every time I would go back to her and try and have a normal relationship but every time she does something worse and we go through it all again. This last time was almost 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since and I never miss her. I am still friendly with her children and grandchildren but have no desire to see or hear from her again.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81872)
• United States
13 Jul 16
I think forgiving those who have wronged us is a very difficult thing for humans to do. If humans were able to forgive totally, then of course, the world would be a peaceful place indeed. We do ourselves more harm than good when we do not forgive, but total forgiveness is a mighty task to achieve.
5 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
I agree. It becomes impractical in a real world though as individuals we can and even should do so. We have to prevent further assault on the innocent as President Bush had to act despite his professed beliefs after 9/11. But he went after WMD which proved a mirage! That did open a can of worms! I think it is better to remember as a leopard cannot change its spots and some are like snake in the grass! siva
4 people like this
• Hyderabad, India
14 Jul 16
We are forget the ethics and basic of life , just live in a life where only money is needed most not people around us , When we try to understand people around us and care for all then why this hate and forgive is need around us, first we need to understand people around us and the life cycle then u know reason why they are doing like this . forgive is easy to do and accept them ,
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
15 Jul 16
We should still earn an honest living and that majority does. We should not just close our eyes on those who cheat and purposely hurt others in the name of forgiving. Individually we have to forgive for our sanity and to look ahead. Forgetting is another matter as I would like to remember those who are evil in their ways; better avoid their paths - siva
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
21 Aug 16
@ramapo17 Sometimes we do get dragged into issues that are alien to us. I have sort of adjudicated on disputes at workplace where one has nothing but hatred for the other. Instead of taking a positive approach they withdraw into a shell and even come out with arms flailing like a tiger cornered. The issue that trigger such reaction is their inadequacy to face the reality. At family level some are adept at blaming others for their own faults. It is not pleasant to meet them anyway! siva
1 person likes this
@ramapo17 (19100)
• Melbourne, Florida
21 Aug 16
@Shiva49 Very well said.
1 person likes this
14 Jul 16
I do get angry easily, I know that is bad but good part is I forget the bad memories and forgive others, for whatever happened. I believe that is the life you can not carry the load of each and every act, you need to shake off the extra loads else life will be too heavy.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
Good take. Be aware of the evil, danger signals, and keep out of harm's way. Also count up to three when angry, and when very angry count up to ten! I carry no baggage as when the call comes i want to leave looking ahead the same way I came, but without a physical body even! siva
4 people like this
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 Thanks, a lot for your suggestion, I will try to follow this but the most difficult thing is you don't remember all these techniques when you are actually angry.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
15 Jul 16
@Manishankarroy I do not get angry at all for years now. Anger shows our weakness. I tell others who provoke - let us just agree to disagree and move on. This I tell at workplace and at home too. It takes two to quarrel ! siva
3 people like this
@salonga (27965)
• Philippines
14 Jul 16
God wants us to be forgiving. While it is true that some might commit sin against you that could be so hard to forgive, I think God will give your the grace to forgive if you just asks Him so.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
It is better to forgive than live with hurt forever and, worse, revenge motive, but the tougher part is forgetting the acts that leave a mental or physical scar tough to heal as we are human - siva
4 people like this
@salonga (27965)
• Philippines
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 That's very true.
4 people like this
@gudheart (12796)
14 Jul 16
It depends on how bad the act was...it can be hard to forgive if it was a really bad act.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
15 Jul 16
Agree. We cannot take it literally as the degree varies - sometimes, one gets cheated of life's earnings and it is tough to carry on as if nothing has happened - siva
2 people like this
@sharon6345 (101885)
• United States
13 Jul 16
I am trying to move on with the issue of my ex. I find it terribly hard to do so. Each time I think I am over it he does something to remind me of his nasty ways.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
We should try to put the hurts behind us but forgiving repeated hurts is tough indeed. I have forgiven all - each to his own devices - but some need to be remembered for the right reasons. It is a fact some take advantage of others and even make a living out of it - siva
3 people like this
@epiffanie (8339)
• Australia
19 Aug 16
To me, forgiving is letting go and never letting them back into my life.. I don't want to forget either because if I do, i might forget the valuable lessons learned from the painful experience.. It takes a while to ease the pain .. but eventually , the pain eases and amazingly even erased ..
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
19 Aug 16
That is the practical way for healing ourselves from the hurts. Forgive and move on but remember the lessons. I recall some painful, back-stabbing, incidents but allow the perpetrators to face the music without my active intervention. I think that way both move on in different directions - siva
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (19100)
• Melbourne, Florida
20 Aug 16
I agree with you @epiffanie. I hardly ever think of my sister and the only time I do is when someone I haven't seen in awhile asks me how she is.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
20 Aug 16
@ramapo17 I recall a sister telling her brother hurt her but she keeps herself busy not to think about such - siva
3 people like this
@innertalks (2845)
• Australia
14 Jul 16
Don't let your love become wooden, forgive others from real love, with real love from your heart
Here is my take on forgiveness: Forgiveness is a responsible action for anyone that truly loves all other people to do. If you do not forgive others, you cannot fully love them, even as Jesus's great commandment said to us to love God with all of our mind, our heart, our strength, and our soul, and to love our neighbour as we love our self. This means to even forgive God, and then you will forgive yourself, and your neighbour too. At the heart of unforgiveness is usually an unforgiveness of God, or of ourselves, even before the unforgiveness of the other person involved. This is because, at the heart of it all, we usually blame God for allowing this to happen, or ourselves for being too stupid to properly know how to handle it, when it does happen. I think we do this at a deeper level, even before we are outwardly being unforgiving to the person involved themselves. This is why it is hard for us to forgive the outer person involved in the situation, because we are projecting the unforgiven inner persons of ourselves, and God onto them too. Forgiveness gets you moving from being stuck outside of love. It gets you back to loving these others who you are currently holding yourself out against, for them doing something or other that you have perceived as being non-loving to you. Drop this judgement, forgive, and love them all unconditionally, once more again.
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
I think forgiving is the practical way than get trapped in the past. It is a release and also needed for healing the hurt. However, should we forget too? When we make mistakes, we learn from them and take care not to repeat by remembering them. Likewise, if we forgive and then forget too, then we may forget the lessons. So I rather remember the deeds and also the culprits to stay clear of them - siva
3 people like this
• Australia
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 We perhaps should never forget any of our experiences, be they good or bad. They have helped us to get to where we are right now, and they have all played their part in shaping who we are too. The experience will usually fester in our memory still though, if we do not apply forgiveness to it. Once it is a benign memory only, without any negative charges still attached to it, it can be viewed for what it was, another actually positive episode in our life that has given us another chance to grow into the better person that we are always moving towards being. We are always improving, and our best self is always besting itself I think, that is if we take the way of love, forgive, and take on board the learnt lessons included in that experience that we have just gone through.
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
@innertalks Yes, better to remember the good, the bad and the in-between! They make us who we are. I remember the good in bad times and also the bad in good times as they are part and parcel of our lives. We have to live with them. I manage to forgive to the extent the negatives do not leave their mark and influence my lifestyle and decisions. I know everyone has had their share of hurts, still smarting under the blows after applying the ointment of forgiveness, meaning, they cannot forget what they went through - siva
3 people like this
@JudyEv (101135)
• Bunbury, Australia
19 Aug 16
Sometimes those who have wronged us never think about it again so really we're only hurting ourselves by dwelling on the misdeed.
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@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
19 Aug 16
Some are thick-skinned and even pretend they are blissfully unaware of their evil actions. But most are like me - sensitive to how others feel and perceive. Personally I have seen few make short term gains but pay their dues eventually when time catches up with them - they are hoisted by their own petard even; poetic justice! siva
3 people like this
@JudyEv (101135)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Aug 16
@Shiva49 And karma! :)
3 people like this
@ramapo17 (19100)
• Melbourne, Florida
20 Aug 16
You are right @JudyEv. Some people always say what they are thinking and do not realize that someone is being hurt by their comment.
3 people like this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
17 Jul 16
According to me only God can forgive. We can move on but try to sort out differences first.
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@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
17 Jul 16
Yes we should not go through the motions and then believe everything is hunky-dory again. The wounds can be left festering when they are deep enough and even develop into gangrene infection! siva
3 people like this
@allknowing (55810)
• India
17 Jul 16
@Shiva49 When there is no light seen at the end of the tunnel it is best that we take it as a bad experience and move on. I do not see why it should fester.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (9684)
• Singapore
17 Jul 16
@allknowing I do not allow it to fester but tough to erase the memory in total - siva
2 people like this