Accepting what I can't control

Bloomington, Illinois
August 8, 2016 10:37pm CST
3 months ago my husband and i found out we were expecting our first baby. We were so beyond excited and I don't think I have ever seen my love so happy. We planned, we dreamed, and we shared our wonderful news. Every morning I would wake up and there my husband was, holding my belly and talking to our little bean. This happened every night too. It came time for our first appointment. We were so excited to see our little love and hear his or her heartbeat. But the lady couldn't find our baby. She was before so friendly and talkative with us, but then she stopped talking to us all together. Like that helped in the situation. She guided us to our doctor's office, we did bloodwork, and we were told that we had...miscarried. The horrible, unwanted, hated, shuddering M word. Miscarriage. The word rang in my ears and I dared not speak it. It has been hard. I have been trying to deal with this. I know my little love is being babysat by Jesus until I go home, but that doesn't make me miss him any less. I don't want to accept this. It hurts. More than anything has ever hurt before. I know it wasn't my fault; there was nothing I could do. I did everything right. This happens to 1 in 4 women. I am one of them. I hate it, but I have no choice but to accept it. I will always wonder: whose nose, what color hair, whose feet, what color eyes, musician like us or sports to make us learn new things? The most awful question I wonder is WHY?! I will never know why. Only that all things work for the good of those who love God. And even though it may not seem good now, I will see why it was good in eternity. I miss my baby every day. I feel little twitches in my stomach and think, that should be my baby. This is hard. But i have to trust God.
5 people like this
7 responses
@carebear29 (28647)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
9 Aug 16
I know how you feel. I had 4 miscarriages. I just had 2 friends have stillborn babies. Prayers and love!
1 person likes this
• Bloomington, Illinois
9 Aug 16
it is so good to know that i am not alone. and sad at the same time. i even feel bad when people who don't know we miscarried ask about the baby and i have to tell them because they get all sad. is that weird?
1 person likes this
@carebear29 (28647)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
9 Aug 16
@danicapaige Your welcome. I am here if you need to talk
• Delhi, India
9 Aug 16
yaa i also trust to God
1 person likes this
• Bloomington, Illinois
9 Aug 16
I do too. Sometimes it is really hard though.
1 person likes this
• Delhi, India
9 Aug 16
1 person likes this
@sishy7 (27598)
• Australia
9 Aug 16
Sorry to hear of your loss...
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
9 Aug 16
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I understand the pain because I have had 2 miscarriages. While we might never know why until we get to Heaven we do know we will see our little ones again. My last miscarriage was the hardest one because I was 14 weeks along, and I did not see it coming at all. But I did feel like God took that angel because there was something wrong health wise. It's just a feeling I had the whole pregnancy. I will be praying for your comfort in this hard time.
@Genipher (5146)
• United States
9 Aug 16
After our second child, we had 3 miscarriages. And then our son, C was conceived and born. The other day his little sister was angry and told him he "never should have been born". Hubby was able to use that opportunity to share with BOTH of them how special C is to us. It sounds strange but HE was the one that was meant to be with us. Not the other 3. But I know, like you, that I'll see them again someday. And then we will know why they were taken back.
@durgabala (1362)
• India
9 Aug 16
Oh very sad to hear this, but I believe in god and also believe that what ever happens happens for good. Maybe god wants you to bring another child more beautiful, full of energy to this world, this black cloud will soon pass and you will become a parent to a wonderful child in due course.
@shivamani10 (11188)
• Hyderabad, India
9 Aug 16
yes. very sad...we have to compromise.