Please Think Before You Criticize
By Maggs
@maggs224 (2320)
Alicante, Spain
August 19, 2016 9:24pm CST
Many years ago, when I was new to writing on the internet I joined a writing site. One of the features on this site was that you could leave comments on the articles you read there.
I use to like one writer in particular. This writer had been an English professor before she retired and I loved her style and her content.
She was a very popular writer and her articles gained many comments. The problem was many of the commentators on her articles were also educated people.
After reading many of the comments I was very conscious of my lack of education. Because of this I never left a comment to tell her how much I enjoyed her writing.
I feared that my grammar might let me down, and my comment may not be written correctly. I thought that if I got it wrong, others would make fun of me or pick me up on my mistakes.
I had left school at the age of 15 and back then my knowledge of English grammar was almost none existent. My spelling also left a lot to be desired.
My fears were not unfounded because I had seen some of the grammar Nazis do just that. It was never the lady whose work I admired it was the odd follower, but seeing it happen was enough to intimidate me.
The lady actually became one of my fans and left me encouraging comments on some of my articles.
By the way before you feel too sorry for me, I did gain a BA hons and if I was that way inclined I could now become a grammar Nazi. Thankfully I am not that way inclined.
All I want to say is before you go picking people up on their spelling, or grammar, ask yourself why you are doing it. If it is because you genuinely want to help the person then why not use the private message facility on this site.
You can give them the heads up in a private message. Do it privately and you will not humiliate them in the public comments section.
I remember back then I was a very tender and tentative new writer, it would not have taken much to destroy me. One sarcastic and nasty comment from a grammar Nazi would have been enough. All it would have taken was one such comment to crush the creative life out of me.
I was fortunate and the writing community I joined was a supportive one. I received some helpful constructive criticism that helped me enormously.
Finally like my old mum use to tell me, please think before you say anything or in this case write anything.
Before you open your mouth or before you write something, ask yourself three things. Is what what I am about to say/write, true, is it kind and lastly is what I am about to say/write necessary.
If the answer to any one of those questions is no, then please keep quiet and leave your keyboard untouched.
Unfortunately I have seen too many people hurt by thoughtless, unkind and unnecessary words and I would really like not have to see anybody else hurt. How about you?
16 people like this
17 responses
@CinnamonGrl (7083)
• Santa Fe, New Mexico
20 Aug 16
This isn't even a writing site to invite critique anyhow. It's a discussion forum.
5 people like this
@Mike197602 (15487)
• United Kingdom
20 Aug 16
here it's against the rules to pick on people for not being perfect in english.
4 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@CinnamonGrl You are so right Sue, it is a social site and it is all about the interaction and thankfully for most that is what is happening. That is why when it does happen it is so upsetting to see our online friends hurt by thoughtless, unkind and uncalled for words
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Mike197602 You are right Mike it is against the rules, and most of the people on MyLot would not do it even if it wasn't. The fact that they put it in the rules shows that there is a small minority that need to be told not to.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
20 Aug 16
Very wise advise! Let us build one another up and not tear each other to pieces. 
5 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@1hopefulman I like that advice Felix and I join you in saying Let's build one another up on MyLot :D
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
20 Aug 16
I try to never criticise other writers. What I will do if I see a glaring mistake is to either write a private message or write a second comment that says delete this after you read it, pointing out the spelling error. As a writer, I know how hurtful these comments can be and how damaging to our egos. I try to be kind to everyone , I may not always be successful but I am never intentionally cruel
4 people like this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
22 Aug 16
@maggs224 Well thank you for saying so, I do try to be as kind as I can.
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@BelleStarr All I can say Belle is that in all your interactions with me you have been 100% successful :D
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (457412)
• Switzerland
20 Aug 16
This is a great, intelligent and wise advise. I usually do not dare to correct misspelled words or grammar. I am not English and sometimes I am not sure if it's a real mistake. Leaving a personal message, when in doubt, is surely the best.
3 people like this
@Letranknight2015 (51498)
• Philippines
20 Aug 16
Some people are just good with words, but lack the will to think before composing them. I've seen that much in the social media. Even here back in the old mylot. Wished I had time to restudy and learn to speak or write english better.
2 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Letranknight2015 I found that I learned more about the rules English grammar from trying to learn Spanish than I did at school lol..
@CinnamonGrl (7083)
• Santa Fe, New Mexico
20 Aug 16
Amen. Words matter. So much more than these "critics" realize.
3 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@CinnamonGrl For a lot of us compliments sit lightly on us and are easily dislodged but let a harsh or critical word come our way and we have hooks to hang them on and they stick.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64362)
• United Kingdom
21 Aug 16
Very well said Maggs, and I'm sorry it's taken me a while to read it - I've been hosting a big family party this weekend (23 people), so haven't had time to get on here.
As you say, it's totally unnecessary to criticise someone in the comments - if you want to help them them just pm them, if that's not the aim, just move on.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
20 Aug 16
I might warn them of a typo if in a title or if it made an unintentional funny. OR someone who had expressed wanting to be told if they needed to edit, because they were still learning english, but for the most part I am sloppy online and know I make mistakes, so pot kettle.
3 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Jessicalynnt We all make mistakes and typos, and I think most of us like to get the heads up from our online friends. I know I would rather know so I could edit than have a mistake on a post. Personally typos grammatical mistake in other peoples post don't bother me. I am more interested in what the person is trying to communicate. I have read some pretty powerful and awesome stuff online that were written by people whose ability to communicate was not hampered by their poor spelling and grammar.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
21 Aug 16
@maggs224 there is also a difference in politely pointing something out, and being rude about it!
2 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Jessicalynnt That is so true Jessa
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39515)
• United States
20 Aug 16
that's brilliant that'cha continued with yer education, hon. i've yet to figure if'n some folks jest can't contain 'emselves 'r what?? i agree that if'n one's a bone to pick, such ought to be done via private messagin'. most distasteful to've such spread 'cross the net.
big hugs 'n love comin' at'cha!
3 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@crazyhorseladycx I am still continuing to learn new things everyday, I think it keeps us young, thanks for the love and hugs always appreciated :D
2 people like this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
nicely said maggs... I know when I first started writing... if folks had criticized me in such away... , I would probably not be here today... enjoying this site... , 
2 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@sueznewz2 I am glad that no one did such an unkind thing to you, if they had done something like that I know our friend @jaboUK would have been on them like a rash and sorted them out lol...
3 people like this
@Mike197602 (15487)
• United Kingdom
20 Aug 16
We are specifically not allowed to pick people up on things like that here.
Not saying it never happens but if it does the grammar nazis are dealt with by admin
3 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Mike197602 You are right Mike and Admin do a really good job, and it makes this a pleasant site to come on :D
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
21 Aug 16
myself I've left a comment or two about gram but it was only meant as a joke because I fancy lanquage use. Sometimes forget to indicate that the comment is only a joke. Have gotten into the habit of indicating "- joking" so people understand because I want to be sensitive to others as well. You mentioned grammar Nazi's. Yes they exist. I strive to write as well as i possible can but don't want to catch myself walking on egg shells either in my writing or to be overly serious
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
22 Aug 16
@maggs224 The written word is difficult. Plus in social sites where we converse with others on a regular basis we tend to assume things about other people that may or may not be true. There are even opinions dropped around about others as comments are made around posts. I think it is difficult. We can be sensitive to others but walking on egg shells is not a very good solution to accomplish it. Not so easy a task.
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Bluedoll Unfortunately that is one of the draw backs to the written word, when we are speaking face to face there are so many more clues to pick up on. It is easy to tell from the body language, the inflection, the look on the face if the comment is serious or not. Unfortunately we don't have these clues with the written word so telling someone up front that it is meant as a joke can solve this problem.
@Vjvals (906)
• Roseville, California
20 Aug 16
I think I know the site you mention and that site was the kindest to me. Probably because they are naturals. Other sites have not been as kind and many were what they say are the naturals (I've been on several sites since then) and find every way (I check grammar, spelling) to find something in there they do not like and let me know it. I appreciate those who do actually say something positive.
2 people like this
@Macarrosel (7498)
• Philippines
20 Aug 16
You have a long post but I never got bored in reading it because I find it interested and you made it really nice. Well, I never write nasty comments eversince for I know how hurtful to receive one.
2 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
21 Aug 16
@Macarrosel Nasty comments are hurtful and often they are meant to be hurtful Macarrosel I am glad that you never write nasty comments. I am also glad that you enjoyed the post and it did not bore you, thank you for commenting :D
