I don't want to be homeless again...

Jacksonville, Florida
September 2, 2016 4:58pm CST
Before everyone starts giving me suggestions about going to churches and such...they aren't like they used to be. They either don't help, or they say they give to other organizations, and those organizations only help once every 1.5 years. Trust me... I have tried everything. I have kept quiet about it, because the pain is too much at times. Most may know that not too long ago, I slept in my car for one year and ten months, eating out of garbage cans. In a matter of two years: I was in a three car collision, with three months of therapy; lost my home of eight years; had a heart attack; had to put one dog down, and the other one was stolen; had my car stolen; was told I needed knee replacement surgery; slept in my car for one year and ten months; ate out of dumpsters; lost every possession I owned, was told I had heart failure; lost most of my teeth due to malnutrition; and though it has not been confirmed, I may now have colon cancer. How much is one suppose to take? I had a wonderful career, good income, savings, and beautiful (modest) home...while living in Houston, TX. I was an Interior Designer. I worked in GSA contracting, renovating all branches of the military bases, universities, and government buildings, in a six state territory. Then... One incident took my life away. I will leave it at that... I moved back to my hometown in hopes to get a fresh start. I have literally no support from family. They just have never been the type...at least for me. I am the only one in my family who graduated from college, and excelled at that...with a GPA of 3.86. And the first one of two, out of five living siblings that graduated from high school. Two of the other three, eventually got their GED. No one, except my mom, was even happy that I was bettering myself; and had my mom lived, she would have attended my college graduation. The rest of the family did not even say congrats. I went on to have a successful career, won many awards, volunteered, held leadership positions...etc...until that one incident took everything away. I still was homeless for a few months, when I returned to Jacksonville. Until I decided to let someone talk me into getting an apartment, that took 90% of the $700 a month that I had to live on. I knew I should not have done it. It was not logical, but was so tired of being homeless...and it appeared that life was looking up. Well... Last month, my heart failed again. I spent 11 days in the hospital, and had a defibrillator placed in me, and thus...lost my income again. Too long of a story to share at this time. I am on a waiting list for a disability apartment, that hopefully will be available next year sometime. However, if I get evicted, they told me I will not have a chance of getting in. I have tried so hard to find extra work, and can't. I can't do anything where I have to lift something heavy, or stand, and sit for long periods of time, because of the circulation in my legs. They go numb real easy. I miss my good life. I miss my good health. If I don't pay my rent by Sunday, they will add another $100 late fee, and start an eviction on the 15th of this month. And trust me...I have begged and pleaded, with no results. I even owe two months on my light bill. My disability check should be okay next month. Long story about that... If I become homeles again, with the heat, I won't make it this time, my doctor's said. I need a cool, dry place, to breathe properly. And if I do, it will be a hard road again, and my emotions just can't take it anymore. Shelters don't let you stay but for a short while, or will only take you, if you have kids. Plus being cramped up in the car, will be hard on my circulation. Really... I am about to go mad, because of all the stress. And I don't want to spend my days talking about being homeless. Been there... Done that... I need a miracle in a bad way. I just wanted to write, and tell everyone good-bye, just in case my miracle does not come through in time. All I do is cry these days. Trying to pretend everything is okay, when it is not. Again... I don't want to go back out on the street again, but I may have no choice. And please don't tell me God won't put more on me than I can handle, and/or I am a strong person. Even the strongest of people will eventually buckle, and go under, if they have too much placed on them at one time, for an extended period of time. Anyway... It was very nice to meet some of you, in the short time I was here. Sorry I did not get a chance to meet more of you. Okay then... I guess it is adios amigos... Take care...
6 people like this
9 responses
@sharon6345 (104823)
• United States
2 Sep 16
I would not ever move back to florida for any reason. I was homeless with my daughter sleeping in my car. They would not place me in the shelter. I was abused and they took me in. I dam near lost everything before being knocked out by that loser. All I can tell you is get out of florida and fast. Here in Ny it's very cold and you will need a coat. If you don't have bipolar and can sleep on a couch your more than welcome to come here. There are lots of applications for low income housing we can get you on. Having disability gets you to the top of the list for housing vouchers too. I been where you are and know how you feel. And no way in hell will I say anything about God because the most praying people have since lost faith. If you can get the gas get to Ny. message if you need to.
5 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
2 Sep 16
I can't get out of my lease for six months. It will ruin my rental history, and they will come after me. I don't need the added stress. ??
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
2 Sep 16
Plus, everywhere you go, there is a waiting list for those types of apartments. Once I get into the one here, I will be okay. Besides... My mom is buried here, and I have been away for almost 30 years. It is nice to be near her to visit, from time to time.
3 people like this
@NJChicaa (31346)
• United States
2 Sep 16
@teresatrotter why would they come after you if you can't pay? Makes no sense.
2 people like this
@PatZAnthony (11869)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
3 Sep 16
Hoping things get better somehow and we 'see' you here again. Funny thing is, many don't realize this could happen to any of us-ANY OF US-so no one here should ever think they are immune to such happenings.
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Sep 16
You said it perfectly...
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (47938)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Sep 16
-hugs- I am not going to prattle on about churches and stuff. You already know who helps and who doesn't. You have faith that I haven't had in some time. I think it might help lead you to whatever is that can help, but I don't know. I'm here and your there, and I can't even begin to imagine. when we were almost homeless someone gave us a dumpy camper. It might have not had a working shower, or stove or fridge, and it might have let snow inside, but the little we got paid for the site rental, so we always had a place to sleep. I can't imagine less. I can empathize with the rolling tears, the overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Wondering if this last thing will be it. -hugs-
3 people like this
@dodo19 (28397)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
2 Sep 16
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things change for you soon.
3 people like this
@NJChicaa (31346)
• United States
2 Sep 16
OMG this is terrible! You have been through such an ordeal. I can't believe that there isn't anything that social services can do for you. That is what they are there for! Especially for people with crises like you.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
2 Sep 16
They rely on donations. And very little come in.
2 people like this
@NJChicaa (31346)
• United States
2 Sep 16
@teresatrotter social services is funded by the government
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
2 Sep 16
@NJChicaa - The government has redirected the funding to helping families with kids. Singles are on the bottom of the list. They say that there are too many kids homeless. So there is not enough for those who are single.
2 people like this
@mawhite (245)
• United States
4 Sep 16
I am so very sorry. Back when the recession hit, we went through a series of misfortunes one after another, and I know the stress, shock, despair and misery of suddenly having a stable life fall away in the blink of an eye, and being without any support. I like to think that people feel helpless when reading stories like this, and feel they need to offer some sort of solution out of just being good-hearted. I also know how frustrating it feels to be told oh try a church, try this organization or that, when you've already tried and come away without any help at all. Sending you hugs. I am so sorry.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Sep 16
I appreciate your kind words.
@LoriAMoore (9753)
• United States
4 Sep 16
Life is hard. Take care.
2 people like this
@Rajo14 (89)
• United States
3 Sep 16
Wow. Your family won't help you??? Do they refuse to help you? Why?? I guess, the way you describe them they are not educated and may have it hard themselves. Is it possible they just aren't able to help? This is a tough situation. I personally have a friend who, it seems , she has been in need for most of her adult life. She goes from family member to family member taking what little she can get from them. When they feel like they can do no more, she leaves angry. It's sad because she is loved and most family want nothing more than to help, but she is hard headed and has do to things her own way. Everyone feels at loss for how to help when $ is so tight on them also. Are you getting care for your colon issue? That's serious stuff and nothing to put off.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Sep 16
No... They have always been very critical and judgemental people. They will play kissy face in front of you, and once you leave, they will bring out the juju knives. Many families are like this... They also get jealous, when other's succeed more than they do. I often wished I was never born. I have lived with harsh criticism my entire life, where they are concerned.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Sep 16
I am not angry because they can't do anything. I am angry because they can and won't.
1 person likes this
@Rajo14 (89)
• United States
3 Sep 16
@teresatrotter no, you don't want to go through that at all!
1 person likes this
@paigea (21228)
• Canada
4 Sep 16
So sorry to read this. I hope you find a solution.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Sep 16
Me too...
1 person likes this