Time frames

@sallypup (28088)
Moses Lake, Washington
September 29, 2016 10:42am CST
Hubby remarked this morning that society in general gives a person 6 months to grieve then its time to pick up and get on with the living. Its been a year to the day that my house mate's hubby passed on. Fifty years of partnership gone in a blink. His ready smile and voice gone. Yesterday I asked my house mate to hold a statue for me. We were on our way to the thrift store. It was a statue that one of my sisters had given my Mom, maybe for Mother's day. The statue was two little girls playing together. Deeply human; those smiling happy faces. House mate is pretty overweight. She is in physical pain all the time. So she stepped from my door out onto the wooden deck and before I could think, she fell. That silly little statue broke into pieces, the little smiling faces shattered. House mate managed to right herself and says she is fine. I found myself saying goodbye to the faux not human statue pieces as I placed them in the garbage. Quite real and full of sunshine. Its time for me to pick up my own pieces and time for me to get on with life, too even as I do my best to shoulder house mate's sadness.
8 people like this
9 responses
@Corbin5 (113506)
• United States
29 Sep 16
So sorry about the fall that damaged that statue. I think there should be no set time for grief. Everyone has a different way to deal with grief, and a different amount for healing from grief.
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Sep 16
I think people do expect people to get on with life fairly quickly, which isn't fair. I think everyone grieves differently and the time frame is and should be different for everyone. I hope your house mate is okay from the fall and sorry your statue broke. =(
2 people like this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 Sep 16
@LovingMyBabies I agree with you. Thank you for your kind words. I at least wanted that silly statue to get off the premises and into the thrift store. It wasn't meant to be.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Sep 16
@sallypup Your welcome. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 Sep 16
@LovingMyBabies I need to let go of some of these memory ghosts. Maybe an exorcism would help?
@Rohvannyn (3118)
• United States
30 Sep 16
Wow - that sounds like a rough event for both of you. It also redoubles my efforts to lose weight and become fitter, because the more extra weight I carry as I age, the more chance of falls and injuries. It makes me glad you're doing the same.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Sep 16
@Rohvannyn There is so much wrapped up in that little statue for me. So many memories. I'm still processing through this.
1 person likes this
@Rohvannyn (3118)
• United States
1 Oct 16
@sallypup Yeah, I can imagine. It took a certain amount of guts to decide to get rid of it in the first place, and you probably did thinking "at least it can do someone else some good," but then she dropped it.
@bunnybon7 (37205)
• Holiday, Florida
30 Sep 16
it is so hard to deal with grief as we get older and if we are in pain physically just makes you more depressed. mornings I sometimes wake up and wonder why I bother to go on. then, I think of coco. so not sure how I will survive it if I loose her too. you are the best friend and best person that lady will ever know and she is so lucky to have you
1 person likes this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Sep 16
@bunnybon7 Thank you dear friend. Losing a beloved is a cement block around the soul. I try to not get in her way and yet when its possible, encourage a little walk, even out onto the deck. I hope she is able to lose a bit of weight while she is here. Part of the pain issue could be caused by being quite overweight. I can feel a bit of lightness on my own frame as I labor along in my battle with calories. My knees are pretty shot and yet those few pounds gone make it a bit easier for me to move. Take care.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (37205)
• Holiday, Florida
1 Oct 16
@sallypup oh i sure wish you luck with that. only thing made me loose so much was getting sick . now i want some back
• United States
29 Sep 16
Sorry that your little statue is gone but didn't you say you were taking it to the thrift store? Maybe it was supposed to break on your property.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 Sep 16
@AbbyGreenhill I had a hate love thing going with that statue. I wanted it gone not smashed on my deck and me left to pick up the remains.
• Eugene, Oregon
29 Sep 16
Hubby is right about that and we really have no other choice if we try to stay alive and in the moment.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 Sep 16
@JamesHxstatic Yes its hard to really be well and engaged in life if you just sit and mope and sleep all the time.
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@Hatley (164506)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Sep 16
wow do we really set such a short ti me but we all are not alike it too k me longer as I was so to rn I let myself go and my diabetes finally brought me to my senses knowing my hubbyu would have been appalled to know I lost if and messed up my diabetes. My doctor got me back onto the track to good health. sorry your statue got destroyed like'that. r
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@sallypup (28088)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 Sep 16
@Hatley Good to hear from you. My friend has let herself go, too- she weighs close to 300 pounds. Its stress and grief and physical illness all piled on. I wish that statue hadn't been so life like. One of my sisters had such angst about it. She wanted to get my Mom the perfect gift and that statue was it.
@Jessicalynnt (47895)
• Centralia, Missouri
30 Sep 16
I dont think there is a time limit or should be on grief, granted one needs to be able to pick up oneself and continue to live, work, etc, but the grief itself? there is no one size fits all
1 person likes this
@rebelann (42519)
• El Paso, Texas
30 Sep 16
I'm so sorry you lost something so meaningful but I'm glad your housemate is fine. I hope your housemate doesn't depend too much upon you to consol her, that would be so unfair.