Lost another family member

@sissy15 (5683)
United States
September 30, 2016 8:47am CST
My family can't seem to catch a break this year. Yesterday we lost someone else. My cousin lost an ongoing battle. He went in for a surgery, and everything just got worse from there. Complication after complication kept popping up, and he just couldn't fight it anymore. My cousin was something else. He was a lot older than me. He was only 10 years younger than my mom. He was 61, and he lived to embarrass my mom. He never failed to get a laugh. I wasn't really close to him, but my mom loved him almost as if he were one of us, and this has been hard on her and my aunt. My cousin didn't like being perceived as weak, and didn't want people to see him helpless, and he there won't be a funeral, because he wouldn't have wanted one. There's a couple of videos of me at his house when I was around 2. I have a few vague memories from that time, but nothing that I remember well. The one video was from when he took me to his house and he had horses, and other various farm animals, and he took me around on the horse, and had me feed the other animals. He had children of his own around my age, but rarely saw them. I have no clue why he took me. I never really thought to ask my mom why he would just randomly take me, maybe it had more to do with his wife at the time, I honestly don't know. My cousin was married 10 times, no I'm not exaggerating. 10 times. This last wife he finally got it right, and he was happy, and he was with her for longer than he was ever with anyone, it took him 10 times to finally find her, and it's sad that they won't have more time together. He messed up a lot, and wasn't the world's greatest father, and I don't think he was ever really close to most if any of his children. He was trying to make his life better at the end I think, and it's sad that he won't be able to make amends with his children. I guess he did try some, but his kids didn't want apart of it. They'll have to live with that now,and maybe some are OK with it, but if they feel regret now, that's on them now I guess. No matter how flawed my cousin was, he wasn't a horrible person, and he did make a lot of people happy over the years...he also made a lot of people angry. He messed up a lot in life, but he was finally starting to turn it around, it's just too bad he won't have the chance to fully make amends now. He owned his own business, he was an electrician and I don't know what they'll do with that now. He has always worked, even when he was young. He believed you could only get by in life if you worked hard for everything you have. He tried to always be strong, even when he was scared he wouldn't admit to it. I know he was scared in the end, but he wouldn't let it show, or that's what I've been told. I was never really that close to him, but he has always been somewhat apart of my life, even if I can't remember saying more than 2 words to him. To be honest, I haven't really let myself get close to anyone. I distance myself from a lot of people, maybe so I don't have to feel this pain more than I absolutely have to, I don't know. I can't say I'm completely pain free though, because I still feel those that I do care about, and I know they're hurting. It's hard to describe how I'm feeling, because I didn't really know him, I wasn't close to him, but apart of me is still sad, and I can't describe how. I am not numb, I feel bad, but at the same time, I don't feel like someone who has lost someone, because I barely knew my cousin. I'd see him around all the time, but I didn't really know him, I really didn't talk to him. I have heard a lot of stories the last couple of days, and they've had me laughing so hard I've had tears in my eyes. I know what I hear, because I've been told a lot about him. I have been around when he was talking, but I didn't really talk to him, I just listened. My mom's name is Ruth and he'd always call her "aunt Boof" in a rough goofy voice. He'd leave her messages on her voicemail that would just be him grunting really loud "UUUUHHH" and my mom would burst out laughing. She'd always know it was him. It's odd how I can know so much about him but not actually really know him. As a kid he was always around, and I feel odd now, like part of me is sad and I can't really understand how or why. It's an odd feeling, that I can't quite put my finger on. I don't fully understand it. When my step nephew died, I felt really sad, and I could understand that feeling more, even though I wasn't close to him in the end either. Then I was seeing him as a kid, because that was how I knew him. With my cousin it's all together different. My cousin isn't the only one we lost this year obviously. We lost my uncle, my step nephew, a cousin my mom grew up with, and I think there were a few others along the way, it's been a difficult year. I can only hope things get better from here on, I don't think we can handle anymore. My aunt (my cousin's mother) had already lost one son a long time ago, and now she's lost another. Her two oldest are gone. I don't know how she's going to get through this.
3 people like this
4 responses
@teenspirit (1611)
• Israel
30 Sep 16
oh no...so sad to hear that...hugs from Israel
@sissy15 (5683)
• United States
30 Sep 16
Thank you.
• Israel
30 Sep 16
@sissy15 you so welcome
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 16
My condolences on your lost, I couldn't imagine the amount of emotion your going through. I hope one day you find a way to move on.
@sissy15 (5683)
• United States
30 Sep 16
Thank you, I think everyone moves on eventually,in the ways the can, and I'm no exception, but it's never something you really get over. There's always going to be apart of you that holds on to some of it.
@Marty1 (36175)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
14 Nov 16
@sissy15 I am ao sorry. I hope your family gets some good luck soon.
@Meramar (2667)
12 Nov 16
It's difficult to lose someone you are close to. But, the hardest situation must be for a mother to lose a child. That's against the nature. Hopefully, you will have a break after all. Myself, I lost my father. He passed away on the fifth of August this year. It will be the first Christmas without him. It's hard, even so the life is going on for you and the rest of your family. I hope you may overcome this sad situation.