When do you say NO to a neighbor that bums?

@sugartoes (46137)
Greencastle, Indiana
October 18, 2016 9:28am CST
When do you say NO to a neighbor that bums? I need your help on this cause I don't know HOW to say NO to someone, WHY IS THAT? I've been living here now 4 yrs & if I was to write up EVERYTHING my neighbor has bummed off us & NEVER paid back it would be a shocker. I'll just make a SHORT list of the stuff here > sugar, tea, trash bag, dryers sheets, paper towels, coffee, dish soap, laundry soap, you name it. I'm at the point where I just want to move & let her move in here cause it's just not the ABOVE things she bums it's EVERYTHING she see's she WANTS. She see's it she wants it but not wanting to pay for it. Like the crafts I make she wants this & that done but when I mention money oh I can't pay you I'm SO SICK of it it makes me SO FLIPPING MAD. I know I should be able to say NO money no stuff but it's hard when you really don't have anyone to trust as "FRIENDS" but DAMN I don't need a BUM for a friend, she says oh we'll give you some ribs well that was a week ago STILL no ribs yet. This is WHY I didn't WANT no neighbors next door to us just CAUSE of this reason but yet HERE we ARE. If we could afford to MOVE I would in a heart beat but we done sunk a lot of money into this place :{ where we barely HAVE any money to do anything. So I'm making me a SIGN to out up on my wall "Welcome to my den, DON'T come to BUM" I have a mountain lion snarling at you photo on it. Do you think that will give her the HINT I'm saying?
14 people like this
16 responses
@CinnamonGrl (6101)
• Santa Fe, New Mexico
18 Oct 16
I have always had trouble with that, too. Luckily where we live now neighbors don't do that much. I mean once in awhile someone will need to borrow an egg or whatever, but hardly ever. And that doesn't bother me. Everyone here is considerate that way. When I was a newlywed, we had a neighbor who borrowed a LOT of stuff from us including a garden hose and some pots and pans, and they left in the middle of a night with everything. They really took advantage of us. They had also been using our phone. The woman's mother called after they moved looking for her daughter, and we had no clue where they went. Apparently the couple had a habit of doing this. I guess you are going to just have to start telling this person you don't have the money to be giving her your things anymore. It's a tough skill to learn when you are a generous person.
4 people like this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@CinnamonGrl yeah that really sucks when people do things like that to other people I never ask for ANYTHING it's just not the way I was raised but your right I need to stand up & start speaking my mind more every time she opens her mouth it seems.
1 person likes this
• Grand Junction, Colorado
18 Oct 16
I actually wrote a discussion about this same thing quite a few years back. Over the years I have had a number of bums as neighbors. I remember some 10 years ago having a neighbor that moved in next door and from day one,they came over and borrowed something everyday for 2 months. A stop was put to it when my husband place a note on the front door. I can't remember word for word what it said, but the basic gist of it was that, this wasn't the local market, and we are struggling also. That neighbor didn't return or replace 1 item. They were evicted shortly after as they hadn't paid rent since they moved in. They didn't have anything nice to say after placing the note on the door. The one I posted about here a few years ago was a real problem. I really never learned to say no to her, but did make small statements that finally got my point across. I have finally learned to say no. I have learned to stand up for myself. I know longer care about what other's will think of me. Things used to bother me because I could never say no, it made me unhappy. I decided to be happy was me being in control of what I wanted to do. If I can help someone I will, but not to my own demise, not anymore. It is a learned process. You must make the consciences, decision to not let someone walk on you. Rehearse in your head the conversation, be prepared for the fallout. It helped that I moved, to another state. I really don't know a lot of people here, which is fine, makes it much easier. The main thing to overcome is understanding that people will get angry with you when they can no longer take advantage. I think that the sign will work.
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@beaniefanatic13 thank you & I've been not dropping HINTS but flat out & told her that I think she's nothing but a bum that every time they get money they spend it on what THEY want or need & DON'T BOTHER to replace what's been borrowed well she say no that's not true & I look at her & run down the list of stuff that she's borrowed & say I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. Well that's when I tell her friends don't just BUM & never pay back tell you to your face you will well just a few mins ago she wanted to bum some smokes off me I told her sorry I'm out & have 2 cartons in the freezer & then heard her husband say look in so & so there's a pack so HUM?? THAT'S when I came in & started up a sign to hang JUST as they or ANYONE walks in.
1 person likes this
• Grand Junction, Colorado
18 Oct 16
@sugartoes, good for you. I can understand a person borrowing something every now and then, but continuously is abuse and a sense of entitlement. I have a family to take care of, not my neighbors. I hope the sign helps.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@beaniefanatic13 I HEAR ya on that I've done told her I didn't move here to adoupt another family I have 7 dogs to feed & care for why would I need to take care of someone else when I can't afford what WE NEED.
1 person likes this
@amadeo (87545)
• United States
18 Oct 16
well this is mostly up to you.They are taking advantage there.All you have to say No!No!. If you feel guilty by this.Well then continued on what you are doing.I for one will say something else.
3 people like this
@yukimori (9178)
• United States
24 Oct 16
@sugartoes You may have told them that you're not a taxi or the local store, but by letting them 'borrow' whatever they need whenever they ask you're showing them that you aren't serious. Really, the only way to get them to stop is either to flat out say "No, I don't have extra [item] to give away." or say, "Sure, I have a little extra, but I'm going to have to start charging you since you never return what you 'borrow.' That'll be [ridiculous price], please."
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
25 Oct 16
@yukimori well she KNOWS I'm serious NOW for REAL so we'll SEE just where it goes from here she's all talk when she says she'll pay me back well when the 3rd gets here I'll be there & it better not be no 20$ either she better thing 20 X's 4 YEARS of borrowing is more the idea.
@Jessicalynnt (47868)
• Centralia, Missouri
18 Oct 16
saying no, we dont have any of that, or cant spare it, can be hard but I bet you can do it!
2 people like this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt the more I think about it all the madder I get from it all so YEAH I'm starting to get where I'm not Mrs NICE person when it comes to them now. BUT I hate being that way cause what happens when it comes time for ME to need help you know what they say?
1 person likes this
@yukimori (9178)
• United States
24 Oct 16
@sugartoes When it comes time for you to need help, those people wouldn't be there for you anyway. You know what they say about fair weather friends... they're there when things are good, but when the going gets tough not one of them will be around to support you.
2 people like this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
25 Oct 16
@yukimori AIN'T that the FLIPPING truth, been there done that already that's why I was HOPING I could be somewhere AWAY from NEIGHBORS.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (134760)
• United States
18 Oct 16
Well, saying "no" seems to be the only solution in this case. A really good friend would not take advantage of another.
2 people like this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@Corbin5 I didn't think that was the way it was to be.
@succeednow (1635)
• Singapore
18 Oct 16
@sugartoes I think you are too nice to them. If I were you I would stand firm and tell them enough is enough. Too bad if you lose a neighbour. I mean too bad for them, not you. Who needs neighbours like them anyway.
2 people like this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@succeednow yeah it is something I got to get use to & putting a STOP to this cause if I don't it will never stop.
@moffittjc (50787)
• Gainesville, Florida
19 Oct 16
You'll put the sign up, and she'll keep bummin' from you! Then, when you say, "Didn't you see the sign out front?" She'll say, "Oh, I didn't realize that sign was for me, I thought it was for someone else!" I don't have that problem. I wish I had the exact opposite. I have three single, amazingly hot college girls that live next to me. I wish they would come over every day begging me for something! hahaha
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@moffittjc YEAH you know you could be right but I bet she gets the hint when I SHOW her the flipping way OUT the door the min she says can I B? cause that's ALL she's going to be able to say is B. Yeah BUDDY hell I wouldn't mind that myself hell the ONLY problem is I'd HAVE to blind my husband from looking & not getting nothing done or get HURT in the process of doing what he MIGHT be doing with a skill saw or something ha ha ha
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (50787)
• Gainesville, Florida
19 Oct 16
@sugartoes Yeah, you go girl! Kick that B to the curb! Just be like Trump and grab her by the P and throw her out the door! LOL
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@moffittjc HA HA HA oh lord now I think I have you ALL enthused & crazy, I say say that she won't be asking for (FAVORS) long after that do you?
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (37012)
19 Oct 16
I know saying no it one of the hardest things to do. You say yes then only seconds later you are kicking yourself for saying. At the end of the day, we all only can take so much. I hope you can find a way of saying NO, it will be hard at first but I'm sure you will feel better later.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@kevin1877uk I'm working on that, I'm telling her in so many ways that I didn't take her to raise, NOR did I adopt her either & our money goes just so far that we can't AFFORD to support her.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (37012)
19 Oct 16
@sugartoes That's good, I think your neighbour is going too far in asking too much, we all like to help but there are limits that we can.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
20 Oct 16
@kevin1877uk that's what I keep telling her but it's NOT sinking IN.
1 person likes this
@Aingeal (437)
• United States
25 Oct 16
Wow, sounds like a neighbor that lives by me. The first day we moved in, she was right at the door, "Wanting money to get down the road." Where she could have walked to. She has tried to bum from my boyfriend and I for the last 3 months and I was very clear with her that this was not going to be a habit. She did not get it and one day I snapped on her and told her she was becoming a bad habit and bad habits were meant to be broken. Though you may not be in the same boat, what your neighbor is doing to you is taxing, stressing and unfair that she is taking advantage of your kindness. Next time, say sure, after you have paid your bill on this. Hand her a handwritten list of all she has, "bummed," from you and make sure you do it with a smile so she can't say you were rude. Take care of your sanity and stay nice doing it. I do hope it gets better for you there. Aingeal
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
25 Oct 16
@Aingeal WOW I LIKE the way you think & what you said here, your so RIGHT & I reminded her of everything she's borrowed & what I told EVERYONE at the GET GO when I 1st moved here, but it went NOWHERE so I had no choice but to write her a LETTER front & back page of JUST how I felt & it's GOING to STOP!.
1 person likes this
@Aingeal (437)
• United States
26 Oct 16
@sugartoes Super duper for you. That is awesome. I do hope it helps. Aingeal
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
26 Oct 16
@Aingeal I just made a video on this VERY topic along with another LETTER I'm sending her that I read in the video I'm going to post on here
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (208701)
• Switzerland
19 Oct 16
It's time that you learn to say NO. The next time she asks for something you simply reply that the money does not grow on the trees and you cannot afford to give her free things anymore. Period.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@LadyDuck it don't matter I've tried that & she just keeps coming back.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (208701)
• Switzerland
20 Oct 16
@sugartoes Give her nothing. Be firm and do not be scared to break a friendship, she is not a friend.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
20 Oct 16
@LadyDuck I will there's a NEW year coming & THAT'S going to be when she gets a RUDE awakening from me.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (26451)
• Perth, Australia
25 Oct 16
@sugartoes Usually hints go over peoples heads. The only way for someone to truly understand something is to come out right and say it. Doesn't have to be rude, doesn't have to be nasty. I know you don't want anything negative to come out of this but NOT doing anything is making is negative for YOU! Just explain you can't keep doing this as it's putting you out. You were not born to please, slave or give everything you have to anyone. And every time you do this to her, you're teaching her that it's ok to take and take from you. She's now used to it because you rarely say no.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
25 Oct 16
@VivaLaDani13 well I wrote her a letter to let her know enough is enough & I'm done being her pansy for things she don't have & won't buy I'm DONE.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
26 Oct 16
@sugartoes Good for you!
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
26 Oct 16
@VivaLaDani13 yeah she called again today & I wasn't here to talk to her & I sure the FLIP not going to call her to talk just to hear BULL CRAP.
1 person likes this
• Agra, India
22 Oct 16
Thank god I have very good neighbours and have never faced this problem
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
22 Oct 16
@amitkokiladitya I wish I didn't but it is what it is.
• United States
19 Oct 16
nah.she'll probably ask you for the sign. we'd had a few neighbor hood bums in the past,but our newest neighbors keep to themselves mainly.works for me. i don't mind helping out folks once in a while,but DAMN.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@scarlet_woman ha ha ha you just MIGHT be right & THAT"S when I'm gonna go off on her like stink on DOG SH__?
@RitzzView (2758)
• India
19 Oct 16
How about trying to talk to her about you ain't liking it anymore?
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
19 Oct 16
@RitzzView I have it did no good all she says is I thought we were friends & I told her friends don't use people like the every time they turn around they PAY BACK what they borrow.
@sol_cee (19101)
• Japan
18 Oct 16
And here I am complaining about my neighbors' lack of camaraderie. lol
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@sol_cee yeah you never know how bad someone has it till you hear it.
@vandana7 (70152)
• India
18 Oct 16
I am lucky...I have decent neighbors. It is pretty much give and take policy..lol May be you can try one thing. Borrow from them, and then return saying good neighbors always return what they borrow...it is a sign of decency.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (46137)
• Greencastle, Indiana
18 Oct 16
@vandana7 I have & either they don't care or it just pass's through their ears & mind & they don't think about the CONCEPT behind it.