Booting it up

Centralia, Missouri
October 23, 2016 5:01am CST
I sit here in bare feet pondering my life and the day. I am not sure what the plans are for today, but I am sure it will be a good day. I just can't stop my mind this morning, and not in a bad way, just exhausting. The further I get from the beginning of this month, the more clearly I see. Honestly? I wouldnt wish what happened to me on anymore. At the same time, I am...glad something happened that forced me out the door. I dont think I would have ever taken that step myself, and there were things I've had to deal with over the last few years that, well, werent ok. Abuse comes in many forms. Enough said. Anyways... I have been surprised at many things lately. Opened up and admitted some things to a loved one. Still feel vulnerable and raw over that, good for doing it, but a bit shaky. Still, good you know?
16 people like this
15 responses
• United States
23 Oct 16
One minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time.
4 people like this
@marlina (70256)
• Canada
23 Oct 16
Even a second at a time, at the beginning. And then, the light will be there one day.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 16
@marlina It took me about a week LOL
1 person likes this
@marlina (70256)
• Canada
23 Oct 16
@AbbyGreenhill Just a week? That was very, very fast!
@jaboUK (52880)
• United Kingdom
23 Oct 16
Obviously your life has changed, but you are coping. You will look back and see that it was all for the good.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (142264)
• Switzerland
23 Oct 16
I understand very well what you mean. Sometimes, if not forced by the circumstances, we close our eyes and prefer not to take decisions. Now your life has changed, but looking back you see that your old life is not what you liked.
2 people like this
@silvermist (18515)
• India
23 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt I think it was all for good.We always shy away from making a decision even when we know we should.It is not easy,but it will be better.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
24 Oct 16
you have the truth of it. The thing is, when I made a promise to my x I had every intention of keeping it. I was killing myself trying to fix everything he had convinced me was MY fault in our relationship, to make us better. And I would have kept on keeping on, because I made a promise. He broke that, not me. I can now do my best to walk away and heal, knowing that I did what I could.
1 person likes this
@silvermist (18515)
• India
24 Oct 16
@Jessicalynnt Now that you have come to terms with it you can move on.Of course,the hurt and shock will be there.But never regret this choice you have made.Best of luck.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
24 Oct 16
@silvermist exactly, Ive come to the conclusion that I need to just stop and keep stop beating myself up over this, what is done is done, and I will end up better for this, in the long run, that it is over and done and I can move on
• Preston, England
24 Oct 16
great to see you with such a promising outlook on things now - love the photo
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
24 Oct 16
It is getting better, for a handful of reasons, I am no longer THERE so things arent in my face. I have more strength than I realized no matter how broken I feel. I have a good support system, and my good friend/housemate is an amazing person
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (61349)
• India
23 Oct 16
It never is easy ..but if you are able to look at things dispassionately ..that is one step in the right direction...way to go baby...
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (28019)
• Philippines
23 Oct 16
as days pass and being in another place with no contact you are more prepared to look back.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (24413)
• United States
23 Oct 16
Just keep taking things one day at a time.
@Susan2015 (20007)
• United States
23 Oct 16
You are taking one step at a time, and that's good. Just keep looking forward.
@Corbin5 (96692)
• United States
23 Oct 16
You are healing, which does take time. You are also opening up and moving forward. Proud of you.
@just4him (107176)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
23 Oct 16
I'm glad things are starting to look up for you. Yes, you're on shaky ground, but it will become stable in the long run.
@Rohvannyn (3118)
• United States
23 Oct 16
I think I know what you mean. Sometimes opening ourselves can feel like that - uncomfortable yet still positive. It sounds like your life is taking a better direction and if so, I'm glad. That's a really cute kitten picture.
• Eugene, Oregon
23 Oct 16
This sounds like progress to me. I am glad that you can begin to talk about things.
@Happy2BeMe (72139)
• Canada
23 Oct 16
When you are removed from a situation and you look back you realize things weren't as good as you may have thought they were. What you may have thought was acceptable back then are not now. You deserve a better life and in time you will have that. Just keep your head up and keep moving forward. You are stronger then you think and each day you will get stronger and stronger.
@KristenH (22838)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
23 Oct 16
Oh Jessa, I just want to come to Texas and give you a hug. Cute photo of your cat.