A Political Statement (A Parody)

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My fellow Americans, it is high time that we come together and toss away our troubles. Do not worry about Global Warming. It is a myth. It is actually caused by disgruntled polar bears. Also, the economy is ice cold. We need some of that Global Warming to heat it up. Social Security needs to be raised to the age of 90. I guarantee that the system will not be broke if you don't receive your first Social Security check until you are 90 years old. In addition, Medicare needs to be replaced with Jeopardy Care. If you can't figure out the final answer, you don't receive care that day. As for our military, we need to double the budget on the defense of our country. Oh sure, our highways will look like Swiss cheese. Our education system will totally collapse. Our budget will explode. But you can be assured that you will be able to sleep at night knowing that your love ones will be protected from illegal aliens from outer space. Yes, I stand behind the people. I do this so that I can't be hit by any errant tomatoes. Vote for me and you'll never regret it. Now what was I running for? Hmm, I forgot.