Trying to send a difficult e-mail

@FayeHazel (21433)
United States
November 16, 2016 11:39am CST
Hi Mylot, Prepare yourselves for another long rant from me. Sorry in advance. I know I posted back a little bit about a friend who had really done something big to hurt me. It's a long situation and even people who have been involved are confused about my level of hurt. But then I guess everything gets more complicated when ... emotions, and maybe... just maybe.... a touch of romance is involved. I digress. Anyway, I sent the person in question an e-mail shortly after the incident. And he replied. I was amazed. Told me it wasn't his intent to hurt me (though it's something that obviously would have hurt anyone's feelings), told me that he hopes our friendship lasts , thinks more of me than I know.... Yeah right. I hate confrontation and I don't even know if I'll be seeing him much in the future.... So I battle. Do I just cut it loose -- not reply, let him sail casually into the sunset? Or do I reply? I have drafted offline a few replies. My goal is to write briefly what's bothering me... but each time I try the message turns out long. I have a draft I'm somewhat satisfied with... still no clue if I'll send it. Help me MyLot -- what would you do? Photo: Mine
14 people like this
17 responses
@Corbin5 (119302)
• United States
16 Nov 16
Well, the more one replies, the greater the divide between the two. I just say that because I have seen this happen to so many and the party that receives the responses usually severs all ties due to frustration of being contacted. But, that is just my experience, and I suppose one has to decide the right move to make on their own.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks for the insight, I do appreciate it. Even though he says he wants to continue our friendship - I doubt I will be seeing him much - I didn't see him much even when we were on good terms, and he's moving, doubt he would make the effort.... *sigh* so painful... but thank you
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (84599)
• Philippines
17 Nov 16
It's a difficult situation . Though , it would be better that you have to tell it to him in person , after you have at least calmed down from the hurt . Just let it out of your chest and tell him .
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Aw thank you. You are right, I find it easier to type -- but I think face to face communication is better when possible
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (84599)
• Philippines
17 Nov 16
@FayeHazel It can be emotional though.
@CoolPeace (1587)
• Miami, Florida
16 Nov 16
I think you should send it and see how things will go.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks cool -- I think I might. If it's over it wouldn't hurt anything
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@CoolPeace (1587)
• Miami, Florida
17 Nov 16
@FayeHazel. I agree.
@Happy2BeMe (75377)
• Canada
16 Nov 16
If it is something that you think will bring you some closure in all of this then I think you should send it.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks - I think it will help, I'm saying what I want to say.... though, oh how I wish thing would work it, it's crazy
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (75377)
• Canada
17 Nov 16
@FayeHazel Sorry to hear that but I think it is important to say what you have to say. It will help to clearn the air.
@JudyEv (136799)
• Bunbury, Australia
17 Nov 16
It is really hard to advise anyone with this sort of problem. Just be sure that if you send something you won't regret it later. Once it's down on paper or in an email and sent, it can't be taken back. And will he make contact again if you don't do anything? Do you want him to make contact? I wish you well with making your decision.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks Judy I appreciate the advice. I do hope to hear from him, not sure I would hear from him if I dont reply. Don't see him often in person, it will be even less now as he's moving ... hard situation
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Nov 16
I hope you're doing alright by now since this was pretty depressing for you.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks ... I'll try to be alright... it's a 4 year friendship... so hard...
@TRBRocks420 (84347)
• Banks, Oregon
16 Nov 16
I don't know what he did or not. So, I can't really say, but if something bad. I would say audios lol.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
You're right, that probably is the wisest.... I know if I associate further with him I will end up hurt again. ... and yet there is that temptation.... why.... I don't know....
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
16 Nov 16
I would wave a silent goodbye, I think. Have you written about your singing much? I'd like to know more about the varieties of things you sing.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks for the writing suggestion @JamesHxstatic -- I shall have to write more about my musical journey... nice to know you want to hear about it :-)
1 person likes this
@PurnaSharma (2175)
• India
16 Nov 16
Don't rely on other if your mind said that it should be send then send it,afterall you almost done your work offline even drafted according to your feelings.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks -- I continue to refine it ... mostly shortening it
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@amnabas (10311)
• Karachi, Pakistan
16 Nov 16
I think you need to figure out the solution.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
Thanks me too it's driving me crazy, well, crazier I guess lol
• Plymouth, England
16 Nov 16
Just move on, no need to reply. Emotions are very powerful things and best to do something else. Go out with family and friends and with time you will be too busy enjoying yourself. And who knows somebody will come into your life. So my motto go forward not backwards. Hope my advice cheer you up a bit.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
"Go forward, not backward" I like that. Thank you
@fishtiger58 (30319)
• Momence, Illinois
16 Nov 16
A sticky situation. I am one to speak my mind. If you think the situation will not change, either for you or him then why bother. But if you think that things might change or you are one that just has to speak your mind then send it. Sorry if that doesn't help much.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (21433)
• United States
17 Nov 16
No it does help, I think you're right, there's 2 ways of looking at it....probably why I'm going crazy over here
1 person likes this
@nomus24g (25132)
• India
16 Nov 16
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (44264)
5 Nov 17
If the friend did something that you can never forget then you should say goodbye, but, if it is something you can overlook then maybe your friendship could be salvaged. I had something happen this summer that I felt very hurt by someone I thought was a friend. I wrote a private message but the person never acknowledged it or even apologized so I am not really in touch with them anymore. I wrote a private message to another friend there that hurt me and that one apologized and I am ok with that friend. Why is it so hard for someone to say they are sorry or that they did not mean to hurt my feelings? I guess some people just do not care. That is sad.
@snowy22315 (54199)
• United States
30 Mar 17
I am sure you resolved your problem long ago by this lenght of time..however, I had a situation somewhat similar with someone who was an online friend..but we talked on the phone and grew very close, at least I thought we were. He decided to just stop talking to me out of the blue...one time..and it was so hurtful..no fight no nothing. It was so unexpected and so hurtful. I talked to him about it one time rather angrily. I don't remember what he said, but anyway, I just think he is a jerk and not a true friend. That is not how you treat people.
@teamfreak16 (42042)
• Denver, Colorado
17 Nov 16
There are plenty of guys out there.
@ms1864 (6975)
• Bangalore, India
17 Nov 16
It depends...you need closure...since i read in the comments where you mentioned he is moving....you have the option of not sending the mail and use his moving away as closure. If you feel like it leaves things incomplete....send the mail. Your peace of mind is priority here...more than anything else.