MYLOT Etiquette -- How To Address Each Other

Addressing mylotters correctly
@MALUSE (42503)
Germany
November 28, 2016 12:06pm CST
INTRODUCTION Mylot is an international site spanning the globe. What we learn from reading discussions is that basically people are people. They're born, live their lives, die. They have families, jobs, build homes, buy things, etc. - or none of this. People who have no contact with other ethnicities, who do not travel to other countries may deduce from this that people are more or less alike concerning *all* aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Customs differ widely, not only from country to country but also inside a country if the population is large. Harmless things like hand gestures can have a positive connotation in one part of the world and lead to fights somewhere else. PROBLEM What has this got to do with myLot? Many members like to address their conversational partners. How do they do this? If they aren't well travelled - and this is the majority here - they may do this in the way they're accustomed to. I wouldn't write this if I were the only one who doesn't like to be addressed by strangers with terms of endearment. Only recently, I've seen several comments in which people state clearly that they refuse to tolerate being called 'dear', 'friend', 'my dear friend' or 'darling'. I'd like to add that I'm no 'my dear momma', 'auntie', 'Ma'm' to anybody. I don't care if this is seen as nice and friendly somewhere in the world. Where I live it is not. It's seen as intrusive, even insolent. Nobody has the right to tell me what I have to like or not. Young members often forget that not every member belongs to their age group. It may not go down well with everyone if a young whippersnapper addresses an elderly person as 'buddy', 'mate', 'dude', 'bro', 'sis' or - the all-time favourite - 'guy'. SOLUTION There will be members here who don't care. They may think this post is much ado about nothing. That's fine with me. I'm writing for the ones who do care. The solution is simple. Don't use terms of endearment for people you don't know closely. Use the name or nothing at all. Everybody understands who is meant when a comment follows another comment and refers to it. Easy peasy. Everyone will be happy.
77 people like this
64 responses
@valmnz (12754)
• New Zealand
28 Nov 16
We have a lot of contact with Asian cultures where I live and have learned to accept that some of these terms are uttered as a sign of respect.
12 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
28 Nov 16
Yes, but they have to learn that not the whole world appreciates this.
4 people like this
@Jackalyn (6684)
• Oxford, England
29 Nov 16
Yes, that is true and I suppose one needs to remember it is quite a normal thing.
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
30 Nov 16
@MALUSE Yet, there is no rule book available on the site.
4 people like this
@Corbin5 (112766)
• United States
28 Nov 16
I delight in the terms of endearment, but I also see how some do not.
12 people like this
@jstory07 (69038)
• Roseburg, Oregon
28 Nov 16
I do not address anyone in anyway. I just treat everyone the same. Everyone deserves that respect.
10 people like this
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
17 Dec 16
I tend to say 'How's yer day going?" without being too invasive about it. Most people stuck behind the counter at a gas station or grocery store actually appreciate it.
• United States
28 Nov 16
It doesn't bother me much, but I would prefer not to be called ma'm (I got that before a few times) or as reference, as a male when obviously I'm not! I also think it is hard to determine whether the user is male/or female so I can't use he, she but one can tag the username for every time they need to reference the user.
9 people like this
@marlina (76486)
• Canada
28 Nov 16
I hate being called Ma'm too, it bugs me to the extreme.
5 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
28 Nov 16
@marlina I was called this only today. You're right. I'll add it to the list.
7 people like this
• United States
28 Nov 16
@marlina Even in restaurants, or stores too. I don't like to be called a ma'm neither does my boyfriend like to be sir. Just say, How are you doing? Without the 'sir/ma'm'. And especially when someone older is referring me to ma'm. They're like a recorder, they will say it to everyone.
5 people like this
@xFiacre (4739)
• Ireland
28 Nov 16
@maluse My father-in-law is in hospital right now and is greatly annoyed when young nurses address him as 'darling' and 'pet'. He's 90 years old and would prefer a plain Mister rather than an overly-familiar term from people he does not know.
9 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
28 Nov 16
'Darling', 'pet'?! Incredible!
5 people like this
@xFiacre (4739)
• Ireland
28 Nov 16
@MALUSE So patronising and disrespectful and certainly over-familiar. I want to say 'You are his nurse, not his little friend' but that would just make things worse.
5 people like this
@pgntwo (21924)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
28 Nov 16
@MALUSE @xFiacre Common amongst the nursing staff here, alas.
3 people like this
@akalinus (19807)
• United States
28 Nov 16
It is not a problem for me. I just use their names or username.
8 people like this
@DaddyEvil (25697)
• Aurora, Missouri
4 Dec 16
Do you have any objections to me using Dearheart, or hon with you, Jo Ann? (I've called you both names and you've never complained, but now is the time to tell me to keep them to myself if you prefer I not call you those.... ) I'll still feel the same, no matter what you let me call you...
1 person likes this
@akalinus (19807)
• United States
5 Dec 16
@DaddyEvil I like it when you do. Don't stop!
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (25697)
• Aurora, Missouri
6 Dec 16
@akalinus Yes, ma'am! I will continue to call you hon or Dearheart as the mood strikes me...
2 people like this
@Inlemay (16713)
• South Africa
29 Nov 16
Oh I dont even notice the silly - one word slogans some people use anymore.
8 people like this
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
17 Dec 16
Yo, Bra! I mostly don't either!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
30 Nov 16
The only one that bothers me a bit is when someone who doesn't know me calls me "friend" or "my dear friend." Those remind me of scam emails and overly aggressive sales people. "Dear" or "Hon" wouldn't bother me, as they'd make me think of blue haired ladies serving me coffee at some ma and pa diner in the 1980s. Sometimes you have to consider the age, intellect, sense of humor and country of origin of the reader. I might address @DaddyEvil or @JolietJake as "You ignorant (trollop)" because they would know I was making reference to a famous 1970s Saturday Night Live comedy sketch that was a take-off on Point/Counterpoint from 60 Minutes .
7 people like this
@JolietJake (51116)
• United States
30 Nov 16
I pulled a 'Jane you ignorant sl*t' here once...the person didn't get the reference and got real pissed...I thought they'd recognize it
4 people like this
@DaddyEvil (25697)
• Aurora, Missouri
30 Nov 16
I wouldn't recognize it but would assume you were playing.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
1 Dec 16
@JolietJake Oh dear. I'd better provide a link for everyone one MyLot to see. I'll be right back.
6 people like this
@Lucky15 (33720)
• Philippines
29 Nov 16
I called a lot ma'am or sir, some told me to call them by their names. calling few "sis" :)
6 people like this
• Eugene, Oregon
30 Nov 16
"Sir" makes me feel old, but then I guess I am, kindof.
3 people like this
@Lucky15 (33720)
• Philippines
30 Nov 16
@JamesHxstatic haha, you don't look old sir james, i have always like this, calling sir and ma'am, or "ate" "manang", "kuya" in our language :D
4 people like this
• Eugene, Oregon
30 Nov 16
@Lucky15 I really don't mind since that is your custom.
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (81323)
• Philippines
29 Nov 16
Some myLotters who are already my close friends here call me by the way i look similarly to some local celebrities here , and that's very okay would me . Who wouldn't want to be compared to a pretty actress ? Though , i don't get offended by the way others call me like madam or ma'm . I just don't want to be called dear .
6 people like this
@Jackalyn (6684)
• Oxford, England
29 Nov 16
"Maam" totally threw me when kids kept saying it in the states.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (81323)
• Philippines
29 Nov 16
@Jackalyn When i am called madam or mam , i feel like a person of great position or of great wealth .
4 people like this
• United States
29 Nov 16
@SIMPLYD The first time I was called Ma'am I was so proud
3 people like this
@celticeagle (119060)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Nov 16
I think that I have only used an endearment to one person on here and that was an older person who I have known for several years. Some interesting points here.
6 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Nov 16
I have seen this quite often too and sometimes it is not appreciated. Especially when a woman is referred to as dude or guy, that is offensive to many no matter what country they live in.
5 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
28 Nov 16
Thanks for mentioning the term 'dude'. I forgot it and will fill it in now. I hate that term!
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
28 Nov 16
@MALUSE Your welcome. That one is used a lot here.
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
30 Nov 16
Dude is just a dumb way to address anyone.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17825)
• Fairfield, Texas
29 Nov 16
I certainly hope I have never offended you @MALUSE . Being in Texas, we do use a lot of 'endearments'.
5 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
29 Nov 16
No, you haven't offended me. You have behaved well. :-) How come that Texans are such 'dears'?
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17825)
• Fairfield, Texas
30 Nov 16
@MALUSE Thank goodness (no offenses). I'm not sure why Texans use that terminology .... unless...when you actually look at the word endearment ... what word is in the middle? dear
4 people like this
@jaboUK (54860)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 16
Personally I don't mind how people address me, as long as the intention is friendly. I don't want to hear 'Hey, you old bag', or things of that ilk ! . There are a few people on this site that I feel genuine affection for, but I normally I don't use endearments myself.
4 people like this
• Philippines
1 Dec 16
in one of your limericks you used garrulous and geriatric which i used in my response to you
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (54860)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 16
@hereandthere It was all in good fun
2 people like this
@Ceerios (4755)
• Goodfellow, Texas
3 Dec 16
@jaboUK - Ms Janet - As long as you don't use querulous and fanatic our Mill Otter world will safely make it through its life, once again. -Gus-
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (170050)
• Switzerland
29 Nov 16
I am not offended, but I surely do not appreciate to be called "bro", "bud" or even "honey" and "dear". I know that for some countries this is a normal way to address to others, this is an International site, so we should try to learn a bit of Internet etiquette. As you say, nothing is better than to use the name and, if in doubt, nothing at all.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
17 Dec 16
A very outgoing friend female from Australia calls me "hon" sometimes and I enjoy it.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (170050)
• Switzerland
18 Dec 16
@TheHorse As I said I am not offended, but we have not the habit to be called "hon" by strangers. Yesterday someone called me "buddy", do I look like a man?
@BelleStarr (39598)
• United States
1 Dec 16
It really is a cultural thing so I just don't let it bother me, I find it harder when a waitress in a restaurant here in the United States who is young enough to be my granddaughter calls me dear or hon,Funny it is always women , waiters never seem to do that.
4 people like this
@KnehKnah (3491)
• Philippines
30 Nov 16
Aside from using a username, I address a lot here as "my dear", "my friend, "Ms.", "Ma'am", "Sir" (I hope I did not forget one). My reason is simply because it's how I feel for a particular friend here. Some are so brotherly/sisterly (so the "my dear" & "my friend"), a few immediately gained my respect (so the "Ma'am" & "Sir"). I even call a friend from Bicol as My dear Ms. Bikolandia (because she is not only very kind to me but she looks like a beauty title holder too)! I am sorry if I offend some of you here in the way I address you. Maybe it's a mistake, but for me, I just write from my heart. If I address you "my dear" it means our meeting in myLot (even if just virtual), endeared you to me already. And I thank those who accept the way I address them. To those who are offended or annoyed, just call my attention, please. I will do as you prefer it. Thank you.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (54860)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 16
@KnehKnah I think someone would be very churlish to object to you using any of the terms you mention. You obviously use them out of respect.
3 people like this
@KnehKnah (3491)
• Philippines
2 Dec 16
Hi, my dear Momma @jaboUK ! Opo. I never have that intention to sound "too close" or "too familiar" with anybody here, simply to be liked. All I know is: I like all of you. I fact, I loved you, my dear Momma (& my dearest Manay @crazyhorseladycx ), since years back in Bubblews. I feel you so real, just like family. And I thank MyLot for giving me that chance to still be with you here. We will never meet personally as we are too far from each other. Besides, even if I want, I doubt it if my health will agree. So, I already convinced myself that I will just be "seeing" you here. It's ok. That makes me very happy already. I will forever be grateful!
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
3 Dec 16
@KnehKnah This is all very well but calling someone names is a two-sided business. As long as the addressee is happy with the terms of endearment, it's fine. If they don't like them, they shouldn't be used. It's that simple.
@hora_fugit (5439)
• India
2 Dec 16
My solution is not to talk with the easily offended ones... even though I don't use the endearments. Everybody understands who is meant when a comment follows another comment and refers to it. - Many do not. Chains are broken fairly easily and in recent times there are more and more members here who thought comments were made to them when it was not the case.
3 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
2 Dec 16
When chains are broken, you can insert the username again and all is clear again.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66816)
• India
5 Dec 16
Ha ha..that means I am not "easily offended"?
@TheHorse (70749)
• Pleasant Hill, California
17 Dec 16
I still get lost in the chains of comments.
@Kandae11 (40188)
29 Nov 16
I hate it when a stranger calls me "auntie". I don't know him, I am not his aunt.
2 people like this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
29 Nov 16
But "my dear momma" is even worse! If a stranger calls me that, I assume that they're intellectually challenged. :-)
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (40188)
29 Nov 16
@MALUSE I have been on the receiving end of "mommy"-- and the perpetrators usually range in age from twenty-five to forty.
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
29 Nov 16
@Kandae11 Let me ask you: were you a member of bubblews? Your user name rings a bell but the pic puzzles me.
@pgntwo (21924)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
28 Nov 16
Well said, @MALUSE!
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66816)
• India
5 Dec 16
You Europeans are so conservative...
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (42503)
• Germany
5 Dec 16
@vandana7 So? Each to their own as the saying goes. You Asians can dear, auntie and momma each other to your heart's content. I'm not telling you to change. I'm only asking politely to leave me (and many other members) out of it.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (66816)
• India
5 Dec 16
@MALUSE .. Aw...I did no call you aunty ever Maluse...you are a good friend...I was teasing pgn..
1 person likes this