MYLOT Etiquette -- How To Address Each Other
November 28, 2016 12:06pm CST
INTRODUCTION Mylot is an international site spanning the globe. What we learn from reading discussions is that basically people are people. They're born, live their lives, die. They have families, jobs, build homes, buy things, etc. - or none of this. People who have no contact with other ethnicities, who do not travel to other countries may deduce from this that people are more or less alike concerning *all* aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Customs differ widely, not only from country to country but also inside a country if the population is large. Harmless things like hand gestures can have a positive connotation in one part of the world and lead to fights somewhere else. PROBLEM What has this got to do with myLot? Many members like to address their conversational partners. How do they do this? If they aren't well travelled - and this is the majority here - they may do this in the way they're accustomed to. I wouldn't write this if I were the only one who doesn't like to be addressed by strangers with terms of endearments. Only recently, I've seen several comments in which people state clearly that they refuse to tolerate being called 'dear', 'friend' or 'darling'. I'd like to add that I'm no 'my dear momma', 'auntie', 'Ma'm' to anybody. I don't care if this is seen as nice and friendly somewhere in the world. Where I live it is not. It's seen as intrusive, even insolent. Nobody has the right to tell me what I have to like or not. Young members often forget that not every member belongs to their age group. It may not go down well with everyone if a young whippersnapper addresses an elderly person as 'buddy', 'mate', 'dude', 'bro', 'sis' or - the all-time favourite - 'guy'. SOLUTION There will be members here who don't care. They may think this post is much ado about nothing. That's fine with me. I'm writing for the ones who do care. The solution is simple. Don't use terms of endearment for people you don't know closely. Use the name or nothing at all. Everybody understands who is meant when a comment follows another comment and refers to it. Easy peasy. Everyone will be happy.
69 people like this
• United States
28 Nov 16
It doesn't bother me much, but I would prefer not to be called ma'm (I got that before a few times) or as reference, as a male when obviously I'm not! I also think it is hard to determine whether the user is male/or female so I can't use he, she but one can tag the username for every time they need to reference the user.
9 people like this
• United States
28 Nov 16
@marlina Even in restaurants, or stores too. I don't like to be called a ma'm neither does my boyfriend like to be sir. Just say, How are you doing? Without the 'sir/ma'm'. And especially when someone older is referring me to ma'm. They're like a recorder, they will say it to everyone.
28 Nov 16
@maluse My father-in-law is in hospital right now and is greatly annoyed when young nurses address him as 'darling' and 'pet'. He's 90 years old and would prefer a plain Mister rather than an overly-familiar term from people he does not know.
• Aurora, Missouri
4 Dec 16
Do you have any objections to me using Dearheart, or hon with you, Jo Ann? (I've called you both names and you've never complained, but now is the time to tell me to keep them to myself if you prefer I not call you those.... ) I'll still feel the same, no matter what you let me call you...
• Pleasant Hill, California
30 Nov 16
The only one that bothers me a bit is when someone who doesn't know me calls me "friend" or "my dear friend." Those remind me of scam emails and overly aggressive sales people. "Dear" or "Hon" wouldn't bother me, as they'd make me think of blue haired ladies serving me coffee at some ma and pa diner in the 1980s. Sometimes you have to consider the age, intellect, sense of humor and country of origin of the reader. I might address @DaddyEvil or @JolietJake as "You ignorant (trollop)" because they would know I was making reference to a famous 1970s Saturday Night Live comedy sketch that was a take-off on Point/Counterpoint from 60 Minutes .
29 Nov 16
Some myLotters who are already my close friends here call me by the way i look similarly to some local celebrities here , and that's very okay would me . Who wouldn't want to be compared to a pretty actress ? Though , i don't get offended by the way others call me like madam or ma'm . I just don't want to be called dear .
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 16
Personally I don't mind how people address me, as long as the intention is friendly. I don't want to hear 'Hey, you old bag', or things of that ilk ! . There are a few people on this site that I feel genuine affection for, but I normally I don't use endearments myself.
29 Nov 16
I am not offended, but I surely do not appreciate to be called "bro", "bud" or even "honey" and "dear". I know that for some countries this is a normal way to address to others, this is an International site, so we should try to learn a bit of Internet etiquette. As you say, nothing is better than to use the name and, if in doubt, nothing at all.
• Portland, Connecticut
1 Dec 16
It really is a cultural thing so I just don't let it bother me, I find it harder when a waitress in a restaurant here in the United States who is young enough to be my granddaughter calls me dear or hon,Funny it is always women , waiters never seem to do that.
30 Nov 16
Aside from using a username, I address a lot here as "my dear", "my friend, "Ms.", "Ma'am", "Sir" (I hope I did not forget one). My reason is simply because it's how I feel for a particular friend here. Some are so brotherly/sisterly (so the "my dear" & "my friend"), a few immediately gained my respect (so the "Ma'am" & "Sir"). I even call a friend from Bicol as My dear Ms. Bikolandia (because she is not only very kind to me but she looks like a beauty title holder too)! I am sorry if I offend some of you here in the way I address you. Maybe it's a mistake, but for me, I just write from my heart. If I address you "my dear" it means our meeting in myLot (even if just virtual), endeared you to me already. And I thank those who accept the way I address them. To those who are offended or annoyed, just call my attention, please. I will do as you prefer it. Thank you.
2 Dec 16
Hi, my dear Momma @jaboUK ! Opo. I never have that intention to sound "too close" or "too familiar" with anybody here, simply to be liked. All I know is: I like all of you. I fact, I loved you, my dear Momma (& my dearest Manay @crazyhorseladycx ), since years back in Bubblews. I feel you so real, just like family. And I thank MyLot for giving me that chance to still be with you here. We will never meet personally as we are too far from each other. Besides, even if I want, I doubt it if my health will agree. So, I already convinced myself that I will just be "seeing" you here. It's ok. That makes me very happy already. I will forever be grateful!
2 Dec 16
My solution is not to talk with the easily offended ones... even though I don't use the endearments. Everybody understands who is meant when a comment follows another comment and refers to it. - Many do not. Chains are broken fairly easily and in recent times there are more and more members here who thought comments were made to them when it was not the case.