From joy to sadness in about three hours
By The Horse
@TheHorse (205704)
Walnut Creek, California
December 5, 2016 11:58am CST
Recently, I wrote about a little kid I work with in Berkeley who started using language (nodding his head) in my presence. as I really able to help this 2 1/2-year-old start to overrcome his "expressive aphasia" in one day, just by playing with him? I was overjoyed, and talked about how I looked forward to working with him further.
That afternoon, at one of my other jobs (taking older kids from troubled homes on one-on-one outings), the kid I was with (an excellent artist and possible budding musician) told me that his mom takes away all of his art supplies and even bops him on the head with a brush when he gets in trouble at school for drawing in class.
I reminded him that I was a "mandated reporter" and that if his mom was hurting him, I'd have to call CPS (now called CFS) and let them know what was happening.
He said, with resignation (he's only eleven, but very articulate), "If you call CPS, then I go back into the system, and wind up in Foster Care, going from house to house where they don't really love me." As my heart sand, I assured him that they'd probably just "open a case" and provide support for his mom around parenting.
Then we went to Guitar Center, played a bunch of different instruments together, and settled in to play the beginning of St. Stephen, a Grateful Dead tune we rock out to in my truck (he knows all the words), on a couple of Martin guitars in the back room.
I did call CPS this morning, and they said an occasional bop on the head is not "reportable." But I'm going to contact my Supervisor when I go in today and ask about providing more services for this child's mother.
What saddens me the most is not the bops on the head, but the fact that his adoptive parents stifle rather than support the child's love of art and music. I wanted to find a $50 guitar for this kid, so he could practice at home, but was told that would be a violation of professional boundaries.
And so it goes.
How can parents, biological or adoptive, not see that each child is a world of potential, and that each child's interests need to be nurtured, not punished?
23 people like this
24 responses
@Morleyhunt (21737)
• Canada
5 Dec 16
I helped coach gymnastics for years....our elementary school had a great teacher who encouraged all the children to participate. I helped one girl (whom I identified as being abused...bruises...shaped like a hand) doing her routines. This child would do the impossible when 'stroked'. I wished her parents appreciated her enthusiasm. It breaks our hearts when we see this. And often our hands are tied when we want to offer assistance.
4 people like this
@Morleyhunt (21737)
• Canada
5 Dec 16
@TheHorse I drew it to the attention of the teacher, who confirmed that was what they looked like...then the principal became involved and in Canada it Is Family and Children's Services (FACS) that handles it. It turns out that her sister was also being abused (she was always wearing leggings and sweaters for gymnastics. The parents were monitored closely but the four children remained in their home. The girl never had any other visible bruises that I was aware of. That poor girl did so many handstands that day as we were getting a good view of the marks. You can't make an accusation if you don't have evidence to back it up.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47050)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
5 Dec 16
It's sad that this boy's parents don't seem to support his interest in art and music. They should be encouraging it and supporting it. I know I would. It's not wrong for him to be interested in art and music. He shouldn't be punished for it. My girls right now are interested in ballet, and they are in a ballet class. My husband and I are supporting them in this. We're encouraging them in it. It's how it should be. A parent should support and encourage their child and their interests.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
5 Dec 16
There is a long way for parents to realise when kids go off the beaten track they need to be appreciated.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
6 Dec 16
@TheHorse Parents have to be educated themselves to see the potential in their kids.
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
5 Dec 16
That is so wrong. That poor kid. It makes your position between a rock and a hard place @TheHorse . Do what you can for him: keep building his self-esteem, encourage his love of art and music, and let him know he can come to you and tell you anything.
2 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
6 Dec 16
@TheHorse I have a feeling he's being honest about that.
@teamfreak16 (43421)
• Denver, Colorado
5 Dec 16
You should never stifle a kid's creativity. Even I know that.
3 people like this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
6 Dec 16
How Intelligent children are they know what is what but sometimes they are just not allowed to express what they need and want to do.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
6 Dec 16
well could part of your time with him always include guitar time, even with one that was more his sized? and that's pretty sad yes. not everyone is cut out to be a parent
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
7 Dec 16
@TheHorse they thought he'd be different, easier, more like them, had no idea how to be parents, or perhaps simply don't know any better.
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
6 Dec 16
That is a very sad state of affairs. I feel terrible for that poor kid and for you as well.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (13560)
• United States
5 Dec 16
in this case, its not the kid that has the problem, its the parent. its obvious he loves painting, music and similar, but its the parent who doesnt know how to relate to this. therefore its easier to reprimand the child by trying to take away what he loves most. she seriously needs to take some parental classes. maybe she was a young mother when she birthed him, or maybe shes passing on her own wrecked childhood upbringing onto him. i hope the kid continues to see you, before he develops some serious trust issues.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (205704)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Dec 16
She actually adopted him. I'm not sure who his biological mother was, but she's not in the picture. The adoptive mom has a daughter who is about 18, and a granddaughter who is about four, so she's not super-young. I don't know why they torment this kid as they do.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71664)
• United States
18 Feb 17
I would agree a hop on the head is not that bad but I think you are a very caring person and doing a wonderful job with these kids. I wish someone else would do things like this with my son but he would never go with anyone without me. He had a mobile therapist for a year and a half and would not go to the park with her in the entire time he knew her.
@TheHorse (205704)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Dec 16
Was he able to do sports over time? That was actually my beginning. My parents were teachers, and I loved sports. I was allowed to play soccer and baseball in high school, but they never came to my games. I think I could have gone further in baseball than I did.
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
8 Dec 16
I'm afraid all some parents see is a child who doesn't do the things he/she is told, so try to make him/her conform to what they want by taking away something the child loves until the child falls into line, again...
I've heard parents tell their kids that they keep the phone as long as they do what they are told but if they misbehave, the phone is the victim of their misbehavior.
That is the same mindset that would remove the painting supplies when the child acts out in school or doesn't listen to the teacher in class.
In this day and age, sometimes taking away what the child loves is the only way to enforce discipline.... (Uhm... yeah, do you realize how much I hate telling you something like that? It is true, but I still hate saying it to you!)
@Mike197602 (15487)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 16
Quite a few years ago I was pursuing nursing as a career.
Did the normal surgical/medical ward stuff then thought I'd go to the childrens ward.
Lasted one shift and went back to adult care after a very bad experience.
Fast forward a decade or so and I was in a young homeless project and thought I'd like to go into childrens social services...that went very badly for me
and for some so called parents.
In my limited experience dealing with kids who are going through bad things due to an adult is not somewhere someone like me should be.
So I salute you
and for some so called parents.
In my limited experience dealing with kids who are going through bad things due to an adult is not somewhere someone like me should be.
So I salute you1 person likes this
@TheHorse (205704)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 Dec 16
What made it not work for you. I d my best to ignore the rest of the world and establish a relationship with each kid. I use a lot of "modeling," sharing my interests, problem-solving strategies, etc. with the kids and hoping they follow my lead.
@Dena91 (15860)
• United States
5 Dec 16
This just breaks my heart on so many levels. Prayers for you that you would know what the best thing to do for this boy is. Prayers that his mother would accept any help in becoming a better parent. And prayers the this boy never loses his desire to play music and draw. Coming from a family of people who are gifted artistically and I am not, I would hate to see him lose the gift God has given to him.
1 person likes this
