Passing Time In The Hereafter

@MALUSE (28777)
Denmark
January 3, 2017 12:31pm CST
Every day my husband and I get two newspapers, a local one and a national one. Every day I scan the obituaries. Why? Do I know people in Munich where the national newspaper comes from? No, not a soul. Do I know many old people in the town where we live? No, I wasn't born here and didn't grow up here. Most names mean nothing to me. Names - that's the catchword. I haven't got a perverse liking for death, grief and mourning. I love bizarre surnames and the German language is full of these. I have a vast collection of side-splitting, sock-wetting surnames. Obituaries are the easiest place to spot them as they're printed in bold letters. Exhilarating as this subject is it's not the topic here. Looking for names I willy-nilly also register the texts of the obituaries. They're often also very funny, at least for me. I don't collect them but enjoy them when I find them - which happens every time I look. Nobody knows anything about the Hereafter. Religious people may believe that there is one, but not even they know exactly what it's like. Reading obituaries (And this isn't a German phenomenon. You can find it in other countries as well) one gets the impression that the Hereafter is exactly like the Here. This means: the deceased have subscribed to newspapers and when they sit on their clouds, they either play their harps or they study the pages with obituaries. When they spot their names, they jump up and shout a loud "Hallelujah". If the bereaved didn't believe this, they wouldn't address them directly, would they? "You've left us much too early". "We miss you". "We won't forget you". "We'll meet again". Etc., etc. Now if that isn't funny, I don't know what is. The first prize, however, goes to a facebook entry an online friend sent me knowing that it would cause me hysterics. Here it is: "You lost your fight a year ago today my boy, and I still miss you every single day. Forever in my heart x x x Charlie 14.8.00-16.4.14 x x" Underneath is a picture of Charlie - a very handsome Burmese CAT. Eternity is long. Time enough for a cat to learn to read.
29 people like this
21 responses
@Corbin5 (70301)
• United States
3 Jan
Yes, I am sure that a cat, a dog, and all other creatures owned by humans, will have the ability to read when they leave this world. I think pet owners owe it to their fur babies to write an obituary that is one of loving words and tinged with sorrow over the loss. If an obituary is not up to a pet's standards, the afterlife will be filled with humans whose pets have found eternal homes with those humans who have proven to be more worthy of a pet's affections. I am going to practice writing a humdinger of an obituary for Molly.
5 people like this
@jaboUK (48828)
• United Kingdom
4 Jan
Your last line had me in stitches - hilatrious!
3 people like this
@celticeagle (111664)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jan
We sometimes visit a certain cemetery here in my hometown. One time we saw a balloon on the site of one of the plots. The balloon said "Get Well Soon". I always think of that and laugh.
3 people like this
@Gillygirl (15165)
• Sutton, England
3 Jan
I don't like thoughts about a deceased person to be declared publicly. It would not have been welcomed when my mum passed away a year ago. The entry about the cat is hysterical. People do go too far in their declarations on Facebook and in the media.
3 people like this
@marlina (57111)
• Canada
4 Jan
Contrary to you, I avoid the obtuaries.
2 people like this
@marlina (57111)
• Canada
4 Jan
@MALUSE To each its own! I prefer finding my little pleasures in something else.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (28777)
• Denmark
4 Jan
@marlina My life would be sad if that were my only source of little pleasures. Rest assured. This is not the case.
2 people like this
@marlina (57111)
• Canada
4 Jan
@MALUSE I know from reading your posts that you are a very intelligent person and don't worry, I know better.
@LoriAMoore (12603)
• United States
6 Jan
We do there here with wedding announcements. For instance if Lynn Halfacre married Bobby Goodpasture, the announcement would read Halfacre-Goodpasture. By the way, that's a real one, my friend Lynn married Bobby.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (28777)
• Denmark
6 Jan
That is indeed a funny combination of surnames. Do they use the double surname?
@PainsOnSlate (18569)
• Canada
5 Jan
That was funny, thanks for another laugh today. My dad always read the obits and when I asked why he said with a smile just to make sure I'm not in them... But he was a retired business man and I know he knew most of the people in there..I never do read them, but I might have to now after reading this, I always considered them morbid but interesting and sometimes funny sounds good to me.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (21027)
• United States
5 Jan
I wonder if this strange phenomenon is limited to cats or are other animals acquiring the skills to read
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (59916)
• United States
4 Jan
My mom read the obits. I asked her if she read them when she first came to town and didn't know anybody. She said she did. I don't. I guess I don't really want to know.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (11929)
• Fairfield, Texas
4 Jan
I look at the obits too @MALUSE . Sometimes it's the only way you find out if someone you know 'has' passed on.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (10086)
• Germany
4 Jan
I seldom read obituaries. When I did, it was nothing interesting in the newspaper.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (54669)
• India
4 Jan
We are in the year 2017 and yet society has not learnt the futility of this meaningless ritual. I am with you on this.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (90230)
• Bunbury, Australia
4 Jan
Another good reason for me to stay a long way away from FB.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Jan
I don't read much in the obituaries, some of them are remembered well by friends.
1 person likes this
• Germany
14 Sep
Well! As per my observation and experienced it myself. Those cemeteries are built to people who are still alive, To give them a place to go when they felt sad of lost and miss those deceased people under the grave. There, nobody can understand your grave feelings and others who might hear your cry out will also understand that you needed to release it! We all needed a release sometimes before we can totally accept the fact that we are still breathing and those who are gone are now in a peaceful place that nobody knows existed or not
@MALUSE (28777)
• Denmark
14 Sep
This may well be the case.
1 person likes this
• Germany
14 Sep
@MALUSE ..Thank you
@divalounger (2223)
• United States
3 Jan
Interesting! My husband loves to read the obits as well. He says that he enjoys reading about people's lives--names however don't seem to interest him. What is the most interesting name you have found?
@just4him (81797)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
3 Jan
I've seen many interesting obituaries. They are good for a laugh or two.
@BelleStarr (29436)
• Portland, Connecticut
3 Jan
And open a Facebook account and have a device to see it on. Maybe the hereafter has screens everywhere so the lastest posts can pop up?
@pgntwo (19664)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
3 Jan
Sock-wettingly funny items in the Obituaries... interesting turn of phrase if one happened to be standing at the time, otherwise I guess such humour would leave you panting for more...
@RasmaSandra (10442)
• Riga, Latvia
3 Jan
Well I for one believe we are never too far from the threshold that leads us to the other side. I have seen, heard and yes, even spoken to so I for one know that those who have passed on can still be that close to us and know what is going on. Now that is not saying that they actually read newspapers up there.As for the cat well I think that is just fond feeling but then who knows? I know animals have souls. My first cat came to visit for awhile and when we adopted our present cat she just faded away. To believe or not to believe that is the question.