Confused and a little bit scared
By Becky
@mommymonky (325)
February 17, 2017 5:04pm CST
So, this morning after being up all night (again) I asked my fiancé why he has been being so distant with me. I explained to him that i'm feeling sad and lonely, and that I'm concerned that he has snapchat on his phone and is friends with all these other women from work etc., and I am a bit weirded out by his reaction.
He got really defensive. He blamed work, and the kids, and being tired. I want to believe him, but why would his response to me needing affection be to start an argument with me? He could have held me for a bit, and I would have dropped it completely. Instead he got all mad at me and said that they're only aquaintances, then angrily deleted snapchat from his phone when I told him I was uncomfortable with it (but didn't delete his acct).
I have also seen the end of a deleted conversation on his phone, from an unknown number. Granted, he has stopped pattern protecting his phone, when I asked him what he was hiding, but still.......now I wonder what he is deleting.
Jeez, I feel like the most paranoid and psycho woman right now, and I really, really hate this feeling. I just cant ignore the feeling in the back of my head that something is wrong though.
Please don't get me wrong. I absolutely hate drama. Especially in a relationship. But, I have been cheated on before, and that affects a person. I feel guilty for looking, but I know that I will have no piece of mind if I don't. He knows this about me, because I have told him. It is a small way for me to try to protect my heart.
But.....why did he respond with defensiveness?
Then, he told me that if he didn't care, then he wouldn't text me on his lunch break. But, we have literally the exact same conversation every day, but today he cut it way short.
He won't open up and tell me how he really feels about things. Is it unfair to me? Or, am I making too big of a deal out of it?
5 people like this
6 responses
@shaggin (71659)
• United States
18 Feb 17
I think it is good to be leery. In my experience when they get angry and turn things against you when you bring up things that bother you they usually are mad at being caught. I've been cheated on twice and the guy I am with is one who cheated on me. I loved him enough to forgive him once but I never would a second time.
3 people like this
@shaggin (71659)
• United States
22 Feb 17
@enlightenedpsych2 I find out about it a few months after we broke up. I was hurt beyond words. We were broke up for a year before getting back together. I hope so can trust him more this time around. I was absolutely shocked to have find out he had cheated as I truly thought he would never do something like that after he went through it and was so against cheating. He was the last person I even expected to cheat so it certainly ruined my trust.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71659)
• United States
22 Feb 17
@enlightenedpsych2 He is trying to talk me into marrying him, moving into a bigger house and having a baby. I told him that is a lot to ask of him and that I never even ask for a back rub lol.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71659)
• United States
22 Feb 17
@enlightenedpsych2 very wise advice as always :-)
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
18 Feb 17
I am only going by my own husband here... If I come at him wrong with anything he will get defensive if I say it in an accusing way. If I say it in a sweet, loving manner than he responds differently. I don't know if yours is the same way and I don't know how you said it.
However, him having snapchat on his phone is a problem to me... My husband doesn't have anything like that on his phone that I need to question-thank God. Your fiance seems to be hiding something. I'm sorry =(
2 people like this
@mommymonky (325)
•
18 Feb 17
I just asked him why he has been ignoring me so much lately any why he isn't affectionate lately...in a sort of sad way I think, I know I wasn't going for accusatory or aggressive....and he came back like defensive and said he doesn't feel like arguing with me right now. I told him that I wasn't trying to argue, I just felt like I deserve to know
1 person likes this
@owlandbutterfly (304)
• United States
18 Feb 17
She needs to trust her gut. There's a reason those alarm bells are ringing for her.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (325398)
• Rockingham, Australia
18 Feb 17
@owlandbutterfly I agree really. I suppose I was trying to be a bit supportive.
2 people like this
@pureme (1526)
•
17 Feb 17
Men can be funny at times, it's not their fault anyway.
Let me tell you something, some ladies might be after him, and he might not be able to help it, but you need to help him.
For deleting the app from his phone, to me shows he want to satisfy you by all means.
Don't argue with him again,
leave his phone for now,
build your trust in him,
move closely to him more
Even if you have a clear evidence of anything suspicious, don't worry. Reason is because of the love you have for him.
Let him know you love him always.
Always create an atmosphere of love around him.
Do this over and over again,
I tell you, all will be settled.
1 person likes this
@owlandbutterfly (304)
• United States
18 Feb 17
You're not making too big a deal out of it. He's sending up quite a few red flags, regardless of if something's going on or not.
Would he be open to marriage counseling to help you open up the lines of communication between you in a safe space?
2 people like this
