Ten Country Songs That Make Me Cringe: No Charge (#10)

@FourWalls (9470)
United States
February 22, 2017 10:14am CST
Ah-ha! Thought you were done with my lists of awful songs, huh? I gotcha! (Cue the Joe Tex music....and, if you think it's odd to have a Joe Tex reference in a country list, did you know that Joe Tex's songs were produced, and many co-written, by country musician, songwriter, and executive Buddy Killen? You're welcome.) Moving on, there are some pretty disgusting country music songs out there. (Yeah, yeah, a lot of you probably think all of them are pretty disgusting.) Here are the ten worst in my books, starting with this one. #10: No Charge - Melba Montgomery About a month ago I made someone (I think it was Scott) cry by revealing to him that the great Bernie Taupin, who gave us the lyrics for all those wonderful Elton John classics, co-wrote Starship's hunk-o-junk "We Built This City." I know the feeling. To me, Harlan Howard is on the Mount Rushmore of country music songwriters (along with Cindy Walker, Hank Cochran, and Fred Rose). Oh, the incredible classics he's written over the years!!! There was no question that he was going into the Country Music Hall of Fame; the only question was when (1997, the same year Cindy Walker was inducted). So I cried when I discovered he wrote this. Plot: mom weasels out of paying her son's allowance (he gives her the bill for cutting the grass, taking out the garbage, etc.) by giving him a line of crap about all the things she did for him for "no charge," beginning with giving birth to him. Oh, puh-leeze. I told my mom, when this was a hit, that if she ever tried that on me I'd reply, "That's great, but you still owe me my allowance." And, like so many of these sentimental, smarmy hunks of junk do, it was #1 (and was covered all over the place, including a very famous version by Shirley Caesar) and put Melba Montgomery, who'd previously just been known as a duet partner (she did some great songs with George Jones and Charlie Louvin), on the path to solo success. That's a shame. I'd rather that she be known for singing with the Possum than for this syrupy stuff. No Charge Written by Harlan Howard Recorded by Melba Montgomery From No Charge, 1974 There's "no charge" for an infinitely better song, featuring Melba and George Jones together:
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4 people like this
4 responses
@teamfreak16 (35106)
• Colorado Springs, Colorado
22 Feb
Yep, it was me. And I'm still crying. (Imagining going back in time:) "No, Bernie, don't do it!"
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (9470)
• United States
23 Feb
Bernie: "But, I just don't have enough money after writing all these Elton John songs!!!!"
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (35106)
• Colorado Springs, Colorado
23 Feb
@FourWalls - (Crying while laughing all the way to the bank:) "What the bloody hell am I doing? I wrote 'Daniel,' for God's sake...Oh, hello, I'd like to deposit this huge royalty check from Grace Slick."
1 person likes this
• Bournemouth, England
22 Feb
The UK version was by JJ Barrie - and it got to number one!!! It was soon deservedly parodied in a hit by UK comedian Billy Connolly as 'No Chance'. Ghastly - and would a kid really write a phrase like 'paid in full?' However, 5 years later, it was surpassed by Red Sovine's 'Teddy Bear'.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (9470)
• United States
22 Feb
Oh, I assure you Red Sovine is on this list.
1 person likes this
• Bournemouth, England
22 Feb
@FourWalls I look forward to that one, 10-4 Good Buddy, etc.
@JohnRoberts (38704)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Feb
I will have to take your word on this as I don't know the song. I just know a rare country song I like will make your list. It makes my brown eyes blue.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (9470)
• United States
22 Feb
Nah, I wouldn't do that to you.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (96538)
• Bunbury, Australia
23 Feb
This is a really, really terrible song. Dreadful.
1 person likes this