I Was Forced To Attend
@SIMPLYD (90722)
Philippines
February 26, 2017 10:32pm CST
A wedding invitation by our officemate and my co-executive assistant in another affiliate was routed last Monday for us to signify if we will attend or not.
When I saw the picture of a gown, dress and stiletto I immediately don’t like to attend though I will give a gift. So, I didn’t signify in the manifest.
I actually have a dress, the one I wore for our daughter’s graduation in Medicine last May. However, no one will drive the car to send me off to the church on that day, so I didn’t signify.
Last Friday, the bride suddenly went to my office room and asked why I won’t be attending. So, I admitted I don’t have a gown nor a dress. But she said it was only for the sake of the invitation, not to be seriously taken. Ha?
I know, they toned down the attire requirement because only a number committed to attend their wedding and she’s unhappy with that. She pleaded that I attend and so with the others.
So, last Saturday, my brother-in-law sent me off to the church before he sent off the seniors to the mall where they will be attending the anticipated mass.
I was in my dark blue jeans, peek-a-boo shoulder blouse, and stiletto.
I was forced to attend because I don’t want them to be hurt.
Only 3 of us girl officemates, a gay, two male officemates who were secondary sponsors and the 2 drivers under the section of the groom attended.
At the reception, there were about 5 tables with no occupants.
Sometimes, people would rather not attend a special occasion, if they are still to buy a new dress to conform to the attire requirement for an occasion if it wasn’t a family or a relative’s occasion. They would just choose to just send a gift instead.
Is this true with you also?
26 people like this
30 responses
@much2say (53959)
• Los Angeles, California
27 Feb 17
I don't worry about the clothes so much - there is always something to wear. We will try to make it to all parties if possible - that's just what we do - but I will say there are some family ones we have avoided. Both my parents have issues with some of their own siblings . . . so if they do not go, most likely we will not attend either (out of respect for my parents). We will send a gift to close family and friends if we cannot make it.
3 people like this
@much2say (53959)
• Los Angeles, California
28 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD Well, the thing is we are not invited to many fancy formals here . . . in most cases we just dress how we think is "nice". I do have nice dresses, but not really formal dresses. However, if I really need to get a formal dress, I can always run to the thrift store . . . I can get one pretty cheaply and no one would know the difference 
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Yah, it's sad. But actually it's better we do not go. When things were ok for a while there, we actually did go to big events like my cousins weddings. You know how family is usually seated close to the wedding table or at least all the family is somewhat together? We were always seated AWAY from the family . . . literally in the back or in the corner with their random friends. We didn't really care, but I felt kinda sad for my parents - how embarrassing for them.
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Yah, it's sad. But actually it's better we do not go. When things were ok for a while there, we actually did go to big events like my cousins weddings. You know how family is usually seated close to the wedding table or at least all the family is somewhat together? We were always seated AWAY from the family . . . literally in the back or in the corner with their random friends. We didn't really care, but I felt kinda sad for my parents - how embarrassing for them.1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Good for you that you have dresses , so when the attire is formal you can always just choose from your closet. 
It is sad that it's that way with your parents and their siblings. Sometimes, we just have to choose indeed not to go out of our respect to what they wish.
It is sad that it's that way with your parents and their siblings. Sometimes, we just have to choose indeed not to go out of our respect to what they wish.1 person likes this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
27 Feb 17
We only mention the word formal or informal and that's it.
3 people like this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
27 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD that is wrong. They cannot force it down like that unless they are willing to pay for it.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
@allknowing TRue. So that's why when only a few signed in the manifest at the office that they will attend , they immediately went to the office and said that those in the invitation was just a joke. 
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
27 Feb 17
If it is far, we will send a gift (usually money). If it is family, we will attend.. if its co workers they usually do not invite us. But I sometimes wear a dress I already own.
2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
27 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD
Yes, co workers don't invite me because I like to not be involved with co workers on a social level. Some events here and there but nothing interfering in ones life :)
It isn't common to do.
I don't want a lavish wedding hehe. I want a small intimate one but my dad wants me to have a bigger one :)
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
@infatuatedbby In here, we officemates have our own groups. Though, on special occasions such as this, everyone is invited.
It';s up to you if you come or not.
Really! So, if he wants a bigger wedding, joke him that he could give you an advanced wedding gift, a financial assistance for a bigger wedding.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
Yes, indeed, we do that if we are far from their place of the wedding. And if we are family, we will attend and make sure we are in conformity with the attire they have written in the invitation.
Really, co-workers don't invite?
You will soon have your wedding day. I presume, it too will be a lavish one.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
i think most filipinos prefer to see 'semi-formal' on the invitation so they don't have to buy new clothes and shoes just for that occasion. i guess 5 empty tables means the attendees were well fed and probably extra food to take home.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
No, they will pay for those 5 tables which means 50 people because it's what was what they reserved.
It was actually an assisted buffet. The place was so classy and so with the food. However, the only delicious amongst the menu if the Korean barbecue. The rest bland taste. 
Good thing , there were 3 plates of lechon served on each table of 10 people.
Good thing , there were 3 plates of lechon served on each table of 10 people. 1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
@hereandthere Yes, it was catered by the Hotel actually. But as to give away, they have 4 kinds.
They gave a white hanky while at church, with a card that says, To wipe your tears, maybe because they might shed a tear or two for their vows of love.
Then at the venue, there are the small cactus plant in a small vase, gray abaca slippers and the now trend of glass in restaurants for their juice , which is actually a small glass container.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD i guess i was thinking it was catered. how disappointing. i guess they have excess giveaways, too.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
yes, but if the invitation bore the RSVP sign, and a table is reserved, then maybe i will attend. those with RSVP need to be in the requested color motif, am i right, my lady?
when i was the godmother of a colleague for their wedding, the color motif was blue and silver, and i had a short dress with that color, so i attended the ceremony in the northernmost tip of Luzon.
my colleagues appreciated how i looked. i wore the white sandals of 3 inches, of my late mother.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
Yes, it was of RSVP. Actually even if it's RSVP, it doesn't require a motif. If it will, it will be again a deterrent for the one being invited, like me. I don't like to much social things.
Yes, when you are one of the godmothers you should really follow the motif.
Yes, when you are one of the godmothers you should really follow the motif. 1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
@ridingbet Not to worry, because you look the best among the best being in that attire.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66857)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD but it was only i who wore the motif my lady. some had red gowns, my male partner wore denims and rubber shoes. i told my colleague, "that is unfair"! hahaha!
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
Actually, when they arrived , we were already hungry. So, one of their godmothers, both our boss , who sat with us together with her husband and little child and nanny at a table near the buffet table, ordered that a plate of lechon be given to our table, through the manager of the hotel.
Thus, we ate while every group of friends, relatives were one by one taking their pictures with the newlywed in front. But we just ate the lechon at the table. ANd when it was announced that we can already eat, we didn't line up but instead we were given a plate with the foods on the menu. 
Thus, we ate while every group of friends, relatives were one by one taking their pictures with the newlywed in front. But we just ate the lechon at the table. ANd when it was announced that we can already eat, we didn't line up but instead we were given a plate with the foods on the menu. 
@changjiangzhibin89 (16533)
• China
27 Feb 17
Generally we are well-dressed to attend a wedding and there has been no such thing as being told what sort of clothes we had to wear. I can tell you attend the wedding just to spare your officemate's feelings.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Actually, it's logical that when you go to a wedding whose venue is in a posh hotel, you would really dress your best so as to be "in" with the occasion. Though it shouldn't be like that where they really noted what dress to wear for the occasion.
I agree, I attended so as not to hurt their feelings if I don't attend.
I agree, I attended so as not to hurt their feelings if I don't attend. 1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16533)
• China
1 Mar 17
@SIMPLYD I know what you meant, on that occasion where all guests dress up ,you would cringe if you don't.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (246720)
• United States
27 Feb 17
Only coworkers invite friends, not acquaintances. We go to all weddings we are invited to, whether it's family, friends, or close coworkers. We have lots of weddings, so my husband bought his own tuxedo. I have plenty of gowns, but prefer a new one if others I know will be at the same wedding.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Oh so, it's that way there with coworkers.
Here, coworkers will invite all of the officemates, but they know that not everyone can attend.
That is so nice to hear that you attend all invitations of weddings.
Having already those gowns in your wardrobe and your hubby his tuxedo, attending a wedding will never be a problem with the both of you.
Here, coworkers will invite all of the officemates, but they know that not everyone can attend.
That is so nice to hear that you attend all invitations of weddings.
Having already those gowns in your wardrobe and your hubby his tuxedo, attending a wedding will never be a problem with the both of you.1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
That'st good, because you respect your brother's wish as to what to wear.
Actually , when it's for the family's sake, I will buy and wear a dress, like our daughter's graduation from Medicine.
Actually , when it's for the family's sake, I will buy and wear a dress, like our daughter's graduation from Medicine. 
@rina110383 (24495)
•
27 Feb 17
I never attended the weddings of my siblings, and birthdays of nephews and nieces. Same is true with their thanksgiving and graduation parties and other important celebrations. In fact, I didn't attend my own graduation. 
Celebrations and events are not my interest. No one can expect me to attend or send gifts. I'd rather send family members cash through their bank account.
Celebrations and events are not my interest. No one can expect me to attend or send gifts. I'd rather send family members cash through their bank account.2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
@rina110383 Don't be like that. You should also have some relaxation. And simple celebration of birthdays, like just cooking "pancit" , since we should have those long noodles, that symbolizes long life, with the family to partake of it is already one great way of relaxing. It gives you happiness when the family is gathered like that.
@rina110383 (24495)
•
27 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD I love working, earning and saving money. I discourage my siblings and parents when it comes to celebrations. It's a waste of money. I'd rather work so that if the time comes that my parents will need a huge amount of money for meds/hospitalization, I can spend for them.
1 person likes this
@reskyyandi (3616)
• Indonesia
27 Feb 17
In here we use informal dress to go in wedding.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Actually yes, wedding needs formal wears. But we all have our ways of making our attires formal without having to buy those kinds they indicated.
In fact, when I wore my nice necklace, it made me look a wealthy lady already .
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Yes, to that I absolutely agree. Usually we only budget for the gift and wear our existing clothes and make them formal by wearing accesories.
@pammooratan (4668)
• India
27 Feb 17
It has become with me once or twice. I can't attend a marriage .
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
We really have to consider the attire to wear as specified in the invitation, right? If it is formal on which we don;t have clothes for that, we will still buy. Another expense aside from the gift.
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@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
What is important is that we have conveyed our best wishes and congratulation through our gift.
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
If it is too much trouble attending an event, I politely beg off offering a made up excuse.
White lies - these can sometimes come in handy!
White lies - these can sometimes come in handy!1 person likes this
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
@SIMPLYD well, you went to the wedding anyway so all is good.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
28 Feb 17
Yes, I can also do that to tell a white lie. However, I chose to tell her what really is making me not attend the wedding. However, before I can say that, she knew my answer and said those pictures of the dress and gowns are only char-char (joke) . I never believe it.
But then, I did attend because my boss also asked me too, actually.
But then, I did attend because my boss also asked me too, actually. 
@luisadannointed (4171)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
Well I guess it's the same since we are raise in the same culture... You know the Pinoys! Lol! But for me it is kinda awkward to attend a wedding without a proper dress... But to my family anything is okay even though there is already am attire requirements in the invitation... The oldies will say the portent thing is we attended.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
Yes, some Pinoys will still attend in the way they see as formal when it's formal and not to be dictated by what is in the picture of the invitation like this.
True, what is important is we attend the wedding .
True, what is important is we attend the wedding . 
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
27 Feb 17
That's the right thing to do when you have a tight budget. At least, you have given them a gift.
@MarymargII (12422)
• Toronto, Ontario
28 Feb 17
Sometimes yes, it's more bother and money than it's worth. But it's hard if you are friends and don't want to hurt that person's feelings
1 person likes this
@MarymargII (12422)
• Toronto, Ontario
1 Mar 17
@SIMPLYD I'm glad you did cause now at least she had a few more guests- it was very good of you!
1 person likes this
