Lonely Boy, The Outsider Looking In

@lokisdad (4264)
United States
March 1, 2017 10:00am CST
Our son is the lonely boy outsider looking in. During dinner last night he revealed that he has been sad and lonely because he has no friends at school. His old friends want nothing to do with him. They no longer sit with him at lunch invite him to play and say no when he asks to play with them. We don't know what to do about this. He is a good kid and has always had this misfortune of not being able to find friends or people who stick around. His birthdays nobody ever shows up he had one kid show up 2 years ago and last year he had a bunch of random kids we didn't know show up for the free food. We of course let him know that it is their loss and that he doesn't really want friends who don't want to be his friends. The goal is to make friends and have people who actually want to be friends with him. We are at a loss here so I am welcoming any ideas or suggestions. Please and thanks.
10 people like this
9 responses
@Kandae11 (40370)
1 Mar 17
How old is he?.
5 people like this
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
1 Mar 17
He is going to be 9 in May. We feel so bad.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (40370)
1 Mar 17
@lokisdad What is he good at? Is he interested in sports, music, a talent that he can be encouraged to develop. Working on something will take his mind off his lack of friends , and if he proves to be really good at something, you bet they'll come running.
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
1 Mar 17
Basketball game in his bedroom
@Kandae11 He likes devices as much as any other kid his age. Art which he does a lot of goes through a lot of supplies and reading. Sports like basketball which is how he got the BB game a few yrs ago as a bday present.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
1 Mar 17
clubs or social groups outside of school if available - ideally in subjects / hobbies he already likes
3 people like this
• Preston, England
2 Mar 17
@lokisdad sounds a great idea - it'll give him some creative freedom
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
2 Mar 17
@arthurchappell It will also help them to decide what it is that they want for a design for their bdrms because last year they wanted fat heads now they are not sure. Plus my wife spoke to our sons teacher and she told my wife to have our son write down what he looks for in a friend and how to be a good friend and that she would take care of the rest. She is really awesome and since she specializes in just about any part of childhood education it makes a huge difference. She adores our son says he is one of her better students in terms of behavior and pleasantness.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
2 Mar 17
@lokisdad she sounds a good teacher
@much2say (40135)
• United States
1 Mar 17
My son is 7 . . . he's grown up with my older daughter's friends (mostly boys), so he enjoys being around older kids. Even adults (like the teachers and administrators at school) get a kick out of him - he's a chatterbox, smart, funny . . . and although it seems like other kids do like him, he complains that he has no real friends. I know he is much more mature than the kids in the class, but the thing is he is a tiny kid . . . so often he is bumped out of things and the kids treat him as if her were much younger (though in fact he's one of the oldest in his class!). He hears "no" from other kids all the time . . . and you know kids can be cruel that way. He can always find people to chat with but he doesn't feel like he has solid friends . . . those that he can count on or call a best friend. I think what helps him a bit are the activities we do outside of school. At the park, he always finds temporary friends to play with - but when everyone leaves, that's the end of that of course - unless we happen to see them again on another day. But for that moment, it's a happy time. My kids also take martial arts . . . having black belts, they know all the group of black belts. He found a friend who is a year older but MUCH taller than him. That boy has similar problems, though he is very tall for his age - kids bully him at school for it. He is smart and gentle - and his mom said he has problems with finding friends too because of his size. So it is such a joy to watch these boys together in class . . . there is no size or age. The only thing is we don't get to see them all the time - just at the studio. Oh - and another thing that helps . . . we stick around for a bit after school so he can play with whomever is there. The whomevers are usually the same kids - so he's been able to make some friends (again, not close friends, but still friends). They come from different classes and grades - and their motive after school is to find other kids to play with, so that works out. Hope that helps some . . . I feel for your son as we can totally relate!
2 people like this
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
1 Mar 17
It is good to see that we are not the only parents going through this it makes us not feel so alone. Our son is a bus rider so they leave at a different time from the other students so no chance there to really make many acquaintances. At the moment our biggest problem is transportation so although we want to enroll him in activities but there is no public transportation near by us. We have also been thinking about talking to their papa he knows a lot of great people. Maybe he can help with parents who have kids his age who we don't have to worry about the other social problems we are trying to avoid that apparently many in this area are troubled with. He is an elder member of the church and that puts him in contact with lots of people.
2 people like this
@much2say (40135)
• United States
3 Mar 17
@lokisdad Ah, got it. Well I hope Papa can help to open some doors up as it sounds like he has some good possibilities. I was thinking too, do you ever have an opportunity to talk to his teacher? The teacher may not be aware of the situation. I've talked to my son's teachers - and the adults seem to think everyone gets along fairly well, but they are not out there during recess and lunch (at least in our school) and they don't necessarily see how the kids interact outside the classroom.
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
3 Mar 17
@much2say We did get the chance and she has a plan to change things. She asked us to make him write down what he wants in a friend and what he thinks is a good friend. So once he finishes that and turns it in she will take it from there. She has been really good so we are hoping that he will be able to help change this for him.
1 person likes this
• Rochester, New York
2 Mar 17
My youngest niece let it slip that she had no friends at school because everything thinks she's weird. Madi goes to counseling and talks to her counselor about it. She is getting help with the problem. I'm not sure how because Madi won't talk about her sessions, but she has a new friend that she made and is calling her every so often.
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
2 Mar 17
That is great sounds like they probably do sessions with social skills. His therapist used to help him with some issues by using books they would read and discuss and then send him home with exercises. They can be very helpful we stopped seeing them because they could only see him during school hours and he was missing a lot of school between the therapist and all his other doctors. In all honesty she did help him a lot and we thought that when he stopped seeing her that he would be affected negatively but it didn't he still uses the stuff she taught him and is doing well. We are struggling to find any doctors of any kind that are open on weekends and do home visits. Waiting lists for those are very long.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (115663)
• United States
1 Mar 17
This is a hard one. Even just one friend is a good thing. Finding a child who has a common interest, video games perhaps, and inviting the child to come over and play for a while may help. Some tips in the article below:
So what's a parent to do when they realize that their child, for whatever reason, is having difficulty making or maintaining friendships? No parent wants to feel that their child is missing out or... being shunned for one reason or another... Yet, this is
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
1 Mar 17
Thanks I am going to read the article link because we have tried inviting people with kids over no luck nobody shows and it seems that they find him to be weird he has spent most of his life surrounded by adults so he is a little more grown up than your normal 8 year old.
3 people like this
@alexjessi (1261)
• Vietnam
2 Mar 17
so sad to hear about this, because I have the same situation like your son. I was lonely, nobody cares about me during the time at school. In that time I was very bad, and fear of the look of people. Then I accept it and deal with it without no one care as no one help me...
1 person likes this
@reskyyandi (3689)
• Indonesia
3 Mar 17
Oh, poor kid
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
3 Mar 17
We tell the kids its their loss because they are great people not to worry about it.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
3 Mar 17
@lokisdad that is good
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
4 Mar 17
@reskyyandi it's about the only thing we could think of saying to make them feel better about the situation
@RubyHawk (29161)
• Atlanta, Georgia
13 Mar 17
Could you talk to the counselor at school. Most schools get the lonely students together for lunch so they can eat together and make friends with each other
@lokisdad (4264)
• United States
13 Mar 17
We are going to let his teacher try her approach first and see if it brings the desired results.
@jaboUK (55052)
• United Kingdom
2 Mar 17
It's been so long since mine were children, but you made me remember something. We live right next to the school and I remember feeling so desolate for my son when I saw him all by himself in the playground (I was looking through my window). Children were playing happily all around him, ignoring him. I'm happy to say that he did manage to find some friends in the end (without intervention on my part) and managed to integrate well. He's grown into a happy confident man now. So I don't really know how to advise you, I'm just letting you know that I can empathise with your feelings. I hope things work out well for your son.