Reconnecting with Fake Friends

@FayeHazel (12483)
United States
March 14, 2017 2:35pm CST
As of recently some old friends have tried reconnecting with me. I have very mixed feelings Awhile back I wrote a long detailed post about each of them (leaving names out) , how I felt wronged, and the situation. As much as it was therapeutic, I decided that action was inappropriate as much as I might like. However I still feel compelled to write in a more brief fashion, and hope that you guys have some insights for me. Person #1 - Was one of my first friends when I moved to the area. She didn't have a car , so I did a lot of driving for her. To see her of course, to take her on errands, to take her to her family, to take her to appointments. Finally she was able to buy a car. I asked her to come see me once. It was only a drive across town. She told me that it was "too far" but expects I come to her. In this case I feel like I didn't mean anything to her other than a free taxi. Person #2 - Again one of my first friends in this area. Whenever we get together there is always some angle in it for her. She's not shy about telling me, either. It's never - I'd like to visit you. It's stuff like - "I have some time between appointments and not enough time to go home. You live in between my appointments - so let's get together in between my appointments so that I won't be bored." Person #3 - We used to get along well - life admittedly has taken her on a different course than me. In the few years I've known her she's been married, divorced, remarried, moved twice, pregnant and now has a lovely toddler girl. I can admit that this is far different than my life. I suggested several times to get together - and no plans get made. I assumed it was because I'm single, no kids, and here she is married with a little girl - lifestyles are different. Well now all of a sudden I'm getting all kinds of invites to hang out. But only when she's hosting make-up selling home parties. Only if I buy something. Of course I haven't confronted any of these people. I have remained polite and distant. Part of my hesitation is that I simply don't think they would see the error in their ways so why bother? The other part of my hesitation is that I hate confrontation and my upbringing. In this aspect my dad and I are 100% opposite. My dad, growing up would regularly fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. Of course he didn't have friends. As a result, neither did my mom, or I. Word got around about his hot temper. A what would you do in these situations, MyLot? Have you had any like it yourselves?
Official video for Fake Friends by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts http://www.joanjett.com http://www.facebook.comjoanjettandtheblackhearts https://twitter.com...
12 people like this
13 responses
@MALUSE (33747)
• Denmark
14 Mar
I had two close friends, one from school and the other from uni. Over the years we grew apart and I decided to end the friendship. Things like that happen. I'd certainly not go to a party where I were expected to buy something! If you run out of convincing excuses, you may consider sending them a letter in which you tell them that you're sorry but realise that you've moved in different directions and don't have much in common anymore.
3 people like this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
It makes me sad, but I hope that the ending in your case was on good terms. I understand though. Sometimes people grow closer but the flip side, alas - is that sometimes people grow apart. I like your viewpoint too. The letter you suggest is honest, and yet polite as well.
@Corbin5 (85391)
• United States
14 Mar
I think keeping your distance is the right thing to do. Avoiding confrontation is wise. These three are definitely "users" of other people. Not worth the effort.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Thanks so much for the input. I had been worried that I was somehow being dishonest with them by not confronting. However I also feel that no good would come from it ...
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (105626)
• United States
14 Mar
The one with the baby I would not bother with. Her lifestyle is so different from yours and what she needs to someone with a child so she can have some play dates. The one that needed you to ride her around I would have nothing to do with her after I cussed her outperiod I will come so so bad that she would be sit standing crying. The one that wants you to come to her party to buy something. I will go and I would know that anything I eat to my heart was content and socialize but I wouldn't buy a thing. I wouldn't even give her the impression that I was going to buy something. Even to the point where I would have to say I left my wallet
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
I like your outlook. Here I was worried that I was being too harsh in my assessment. I particularly like the go-to-the-party-and-buy-nothing-but-eat-the-food idea. :-) Thanks for the reality check.
@Hatley (162214)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar
they are users these fake friends. Im lucky now that my friends are real friends
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Real friends are precious and rare. :-)
@JudyEv (104039)
• Bunbury, Australia
15 Mar
Without being too impolite (if it's possible) I wouldn't bother with any of them. I'm assuming you have some other friends now so don't particularly need the companionship of these people. The last is certainly a no-no just looking for customers and the others aren't much better I'd say. I had one friend who expected that I'd always go to her. At the time we were working on something together and meeting every week but it was just expected I'd go to her house. The 'come to my party' type are probably pretty common.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Thanks for the input and no- nothing impolite that I read. :-) Thankfully I have several better friends now. I was starting to feel a little isolated - but - unfortunately seems like it happens to a lot of people. A shame that these types are so very common. Sorry you had to go through that, too.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (104039)
• Bunbury, Australia
15 Mar
@FayeHazel I meant impolite towards them. The other friends we eventually shook off always arrived at meal-time. We used to be good friends and we had them stay or come for meals many times but I think we were invited back just once. But they started dropping in just before mealtimes without an invitation. Not just once or twice but quite often.
@DianneN (63369)
• United States
14 Mar
I certainly wouldn't want any of them as friends. I have many acquaintances and several tru blue friends all of which I can count on through thick and thin. Friends should add joy to your life.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
I think you're right. Sometimes I over think these things. They all have their good sides as well, but over all I think these situations are significant enough that the negative outweighs the positive.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (63369)
• United States
16 Mar
@much2say (36383)
• United States
14 Mar
Sorry you had to go through that with some old friends. Oh gosh, lots of friends have disappointed me too. Person #1 - It amazes me how some friends need help with this and that . . . but when the tables are turned, they conveniently "can't" . . . even if it's just to visit. Totally different situation, but my friend was taken advantage by another friend of ours. My friend drove him everywhere (I don't know why). The other friend had a better car than any of us, but he would get out of driving if he could. He was so cheap (though he made good money) and he never reciprocated my friend for gas, time, or anything. On the other hand, my driving friend never put her foot down about it. Person #2 - Oh now nice when friends can "pencil us in" in their tight schedule . Different situation, but I had a friend who killed many birds with one stone. When we got together (which was always at Starbucks because of the free Wifi), she brought her laptop and phone to work while we "got together". And then I found out that she had been meeting a friend before me (at the same Starbucks) . . . and after me there was someone else scheduled to meet up with her there. Getting together was like a "shift". The last time I actually went to her house with the kids, she said she had to kick us out in a half hour because she got free tickets to a basketball game . Nice to know friends make the time for us . Person #3 - I have friends who do that me - but through Facebook invites. Makeup, jewelry, candles . . . something for me to buy and of course they would make some kind of money for it. And they make it sound like it'll be so much fun. Well, I went to one - and that was the end. I don't like feeling obligated to buy just because we are friends - and of course that's what they're counting on. My dad was hot headed too - but that's a whole 'nother story. My mom and I were completely opposite from him . . . but now I am in between. I tend to not confront friends . . . but I won't forget . . . and eventually I will keep my distance. In most cases, I still like the friends enough to remain friends (I've been through the becoming enemy route - it's just painful), but I won't go out of my way for friends like that.
1 person likes this
@much2say (36383)
• United States
15 Mar
@FayeHazel Sorry I get so long winded sometimes . But these kinds of friends are definitely what I can relate to! #1 - My friend never asked anything from the one who was taking advantage. I told her she should at least say something, but she never did. I think the guy even bummed a ride with her on "her" vacation to a different city - just so he could go too! #2 - Seriously cheesy. But she says that's the only way she can see people . . . she is a workaholic. And you're right, we don't get her full attention. #3 - There is a make up company that a couple of my friends have joined. I guess their thing is majorly posting testimonials on Facebook .. . so I see a lot of that from them on the newsfeed. Sometimes they will have parties and do the mass invitation on Facebook, but I don't go. But I have bought girl scout cookies . Good that we can exchange our stories . . . made me feel better too .
• United States
15 Mar
#1 to be fair,maybe she has a barely moving and/or hideous car..she could be embarrased.. #2 hell with that..time waster #3 this one sounds like a time waster too.it's amazing how many old friends pop back up when they're selling stuff.. yea,i had some friends pop back up after 7 years of not talking to me (that was on them) and then they disappeared again.that goes under whatever at this point..
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Thanks, I guess I hadn't considered - maybe her car is old/not running well. Interesting thing about #2 - is even though she is much older than me (I'm 35) she acts like a teenager , it's amazing really. #3 - for a minute I thought I was the only one who had experienced this phenomena, at least it's comforting to know it's not personal. I say good for you for moving on.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (29295)
15 Mar
I think I would remain polite and distant.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Thanks for the input. I was concerned that not confronting them was somehow not honest but I think you're right, polite but distant.
@allknowing (56862)
• India
15 Mar
What I have experienced is that putting people in grooves based on our one time experience is not quite ok. People change and therefore keeping a vigil could help us take decisions.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
True. We all do change with time. Or maybe we were that way all along and finally our true selves come out? Either way. I have given a lot of thought to these situations and have found these actions to be fairly consistent in all 3 of these cases...
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (64722)
• Banks, Oregon
14 Mar
Dang sounds like the friends I used to know, some people suck.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
I like it. "Mean people suck". Indeed. I hope you got some better friends.
1 person likes this
@louievill (16690)
• Philippines
14 Mar
All these pseudo friends are jerks, I would stay away from them if I were you but my soft side would still try to understand and forgive them but the same keeping my distance.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
Thanks Louievill! I was worried that I should confront them. However why create strife. I like the point to try to be understanding, but - from a distance.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (5065)
• Malaysia
14 Mar
A friend, who I once considered a sister, show up after not keeping in touch for years. Of course I was ecstatic. When she show up, she promoted stuff that she was selling. She didn't stop talking about it. I politely refuse it. After that, I never try to contact her again. So that's my person no#3 to you. It's okay if people don't want to be my friend. That's because it would hurt more if they're just a fake. I don't need that.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (12483)
• United States
15 Mar
I'm so sorry about your friend. It would be hard to go through such a thing, esp. when you had once been so close. I like your outlook - we do not need fakes.
1 person likes this