Now He Is a Bit Too Sharp

@Corbin5 (109535)
United States
March 17, 2017 12:57pm CST
My dad will be age 96 in two months. New medication for dementia and depression have done wonders to make Dad more pleasant, more compliant, and sharper. Dad is now too sharp. He wants his car back. He wants to drive. He does not have a driver's license since his driver's-test results had him labeled as a "danger to himself and others" if behind the wheel of a car. The state of Illinois was notified, and no driver's license will ever be given to Dad. He wants to go back to his senior residence. The senior residence does not have the 24/7 professional care Dad needs to survive. Since Dad makes these two requests non-stop every time I visit, my husband said jokingly, "Just tell your Dad the senior residence burned down and someone stole his car." I just give answers similar to, "Let me think about it," "I will work on that," and "Let me talk to Barry (my brother) and Wendy (my sister) about this first." My dad still has his pilot's license in his wallet from WWII. Hope he never asks to fly!! . Photo: Dad WWII
30 people like this
31 responses
@MALUSE (41223)
• Germany
17 Mar 17
I have no experience with demented people. But it seems to me that there can be funny moments among the many sad ones.
6 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Yes, Dad and I still laugh. He looks great and is in no pain, and that is due to the excellent care he receives. We laugh mostly about the funny things my siblings and I did when kids. My sister put a huge baby photo of me in Dad's room, and Dad teases, "I wake up every morning and wonder who that fat baby girl happens to be." I have noticed I do have to remind him of my first name on occasion, but he does know I am his daughter.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
@Lupita234 Yes, Dad really did have a life filled with all kinds of experiences.
2 people like this
@nanette64 (17697)
• Fairfield, Texas
17 Mar 17
Well, now see...@MALUSE , you know me and I'm definitely demented.
2 people like this
@amadeo (67718)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Dad is still around?the new med is working.Wow
5 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Yes, Dad is doing well and looks great. I wish he could have stayed at the senior residence, but the staff is not skilled to deal with Dad's medical problems.
2 people like this
@amadeo (67718)
• United States
17 Mar 17
@Corbin5 Good for him.You got to love this man.
3 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (75123)
• Canada
17 Mar 17
What a great photo!! It would be difficult to have to deal with those questions every time you see him. Maybe you husband is right!! That may just work!!
4 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Well, if Dad breaks me down due to those repeated questions, I may have to.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (75123)
• Canada
17 Mar 17
1 person likes this
@Gillygirl (17340)
• Sutton, England
17 Mar 17
I had to laugh about your dad's pilot license. I hope he doesn't ask to fly. I think your way is best at first in case he doesn't remember his requests. It certainly seems like the medication is doing some good. He was so handsome.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Oh, thank you. He really is a handsome man. My mom said she married my dad because she new she would have good-looking children. Well, my sister is a beauty since she got Dad's looks. I got Mom's and I am just OK regarding looks.
3 people like this
@Gillygirl (17340)
• Sutton, England
17 Mar 17
@Corbin5 I'm sure you are beautiful. This photo is lovely. He looks like a film star.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
@Gillygirl He studied voice in New York, and he was the toreador Escamillo in the opera Carmen.
2 people like this
@rebelann (41946)
• El Paso, Texas
17 Mar 17
Yep, sometimes regaining their mental abilities with meds can cause unforeseen problems. The main thing is that he's not as angry or defiant, for now at least. Mom had ventricular dementia so when she was given blood thinner she became a lot sharper and all she wanted was to go home. The problem was that she lived with my sibling and seemed to have forgotten who I was. The so called CNA my sibling hired was a total idiot. I wanted to smack her but of course I couldn't.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
I bet you did want to hit the CNA. I bet your mom did want to go home when she became more aware. We thought about keeping Dad at the senior residence and hiring a caregiver, but so many friends said a caregiver would quit after a while due to their loved one being non-compliant, and they would have to hire one after another. Dad was sick, emergency after emergency, at the assisted living facility, and my sister and I were at the ER, walk-in-clinic, and doctor's offices about every week the last year he lived there. We could not keep up. The nursing home is 3 minutes from our homes, and the staff is incredible, so we see Dad all the time and not one emergency has occurred there.
2 people like this
@rebelann (41946)
• El Paso, Texas
17 Mar 17
It's hard either way @Corbin5 I took care of mom til my sibling decided I didn't know what I was doing then it became a battle of whose got the most money and of course I lost, according to the courts she was better off there rather than with me. Nothing I could do after that.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
@rebelann So sorry to hear that happened. I am POA, but my sister is a great help. My brother, who lives in Indiana, and not here in Illinois, is totally out of the picture. Never contacts us to see how things are going with Dad. He has freedom. We dealt with Mom first, then Dad for what will be 18 years. Very tiring.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (25893)
• United States
17 Mar 17
We have similar experiences with my parents. I am pleased to hear his medications are helping with his behavior.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Yes, we sure do have similar experiences. I hope you parents are doing well at home. We tried to keep both parents independent for a long time, and we did. We did have to have help when both were close to 90.
2 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (25893)
• United States
20 Mar 17
@Corbin5 they are stable at the moment.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
20 Mar 17
@Tampa_girl7 So good to hear this, my friend.
@Platespinner (16783)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
17 Mar 17
Elderly parents can really keep us on our toes sometimes!
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
My sister and I have been dealing with two parents with dementia for 17 years. First Mom, now Dad.
1 person likes this
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
19 Mar 17
1 person likes this
@Lucky15 (33753)
• Philippines
17 Mar 17
Update us if he asked about flying again, ;))
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
I will!! I am going to tell him that people over the age of 90 are not allowed to fly planes. That should work.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (39056)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Yes that is one of the downsides of being aware f things. I hope he gets over asking but I am not optimistic.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Me neither. He will keep on asking.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (31298)
• Canada
17 Mar 17
You are lucky that you have these old photos, I don't have any of my Dad from his younger days. I think that its great that the medications can keep him pleasant, its too bad that it won't stop the fact that he still cannot orientate fully, otherwise he'd not ask about his car and the other home. Its bittersweet.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Yes, the medications have made his life much more pleasant and our lives too. Yes, he will ask two questions every time I visit. Oh well, Sis has to deal with those questions too.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (31298)
• Canada
18 Mar 17
@Corbin5 I wonder if his asking those 2 questions is more of a habit then an actual concern, have you pondered that thought?
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
@Juliaacv Well, when I visited the other day, he said, "There is something I wanted to ask you, but I forgot." I knew what he was going to ask, which was going back to assisted living. So he is really thinking about it when I am not there. One strange thing that happened, which definitely is dementia, is the nurse told me that Dad said I was outside of his room and she was to tell me to come in. I was not there. That is the first time he has done that.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 17
My mother wants so badly to leave the nursing home and go for a ride. Unfortunately she is unable to transfer in and out of a car. She is also incontinent so that makes for a bigger problem. Maybe your father will be happy just to get out and take a nice ride.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Yes, my sister and I do take him for rides in the car. He enjoys that. He needs a bit of help getting into the car, but we can do it.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 17
@Corbin5 I hope that they can rehab my mother so she can get in and out of a car. If she can do that we can get her out on excursions. Still the incontinence will be a problem. My siblings can't handle it. I can, but doubt they would invite me along to take care of the problem.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
19 Mar 17
@ElusiveButterfly Yes, the incontinence would be hard to handle if you could take Mom out and about. My sister saw Dad yesterday, and Dad is refusing all medication and doing so with harsh words of protest. There is nothing we can do since he has rights and cannot be forced to take the meds intended to help him. The medicines that made Dad sharper and more pleasant have been refused by him. Family cannot force him either.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (67110)
• Pleasant Hill, California
18 Mar 17
A friend of mine in Montana, who used to fly DC-10s for Wetern Airlines, flew until he was 93 1/2. He finally gave it up (he had a little single engine plane) when he said it hurt too much to get into the plane. He's 97 now and still lives at the ranch. They could probably have some interesting converations. Last time I saw him, he remembered me, but he had forgotten that I stacked hay at his ranch for ten years and was also good friends with his late wife.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (67110)
• Pleasant Hill, California
18 Mar 17
@Corbin5 I flew with Eddie a couple of times. It was a rush, but I enjoyed it.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
@TheHorse I am OK in a big airliner, but not a little plane. Glad you got to go up with Eddie. I would have stayed on the ground and waved at ya!
@snowy22315 (49072)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Tell dad he is where he is for a reason, and he might not like it, but it is where he has to be for now. Old people are problematic my mother with the bad knees insists on walking up and down the stairs with a laundry basket full of clothes. I mean they could afford to build an addition with no stairs involved..but oh no..she would rather take a chance on an accident I guess!
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Oh dear. Your mother really is in danger with those stairs, but it is so hard to control the actions of the elderly. They sure can be obstinate. Such a hard road for all of us dealing with elderly parents. My mother broke her hip after she fell in the bathroom. She refused to go to the ER. She had a screaming fit. My husband and my dad carried her to the car with a broken hip. Just glad no additional damage was done by the guys carrying her.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (49072)
• United States
18 Mar 17
@Corbin5 My dad who doesn't have ortho problems has volunteered to carry the baskets but he says she never asks him to. My grandmother fell like that once and ended up in a nursing home. although it was a short term basis. I should ask my mother if she wants to end up like grandma..
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
@allknowing (66608)
• India
18 Mar 17
That's great news that his new medicines are having a positive effect on him. Too positive in that sense (lol) Happy that he is having a conversation of substance.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Yes, he can converse really well, but everything needs to be repeated several times because he cannot retain information for very long.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (66608)
• India
18 Mar 17
@Corbin5 But there is improvement that you were not expecting
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
@nanette64 (17697)
• Fairfield, Texas
17 Mar 17
Hmmm, maybe he could have another lucidity test done @Corbin5 . Who knows, maybe the meds he's been taking are working. I realize that they say Dementia cannot be reversed, but still.....
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Well, when he was driving, his car had so many dents in it due to "mistakes" he made. As for senior living residence, we would need to hire a caregiver full time, and that would cost more than the nursing home. I think Dad will stay put. My sister and I have been through nightmare emergencies with Dad, but not a one at the nursing home. Dad is so well cared for, that man is staying put.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (17697)
• Fairfield, Texas
17 Mar 17
@Corbin5 Better safe than sorry and going bald pulling out your hair.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
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@JudyEv (126283)
• Bunbury, Australia
18 Mar 17
Poor Dad - and poor you too, trying to cope with his questions. It can be really tough.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
Yes, first Mom with dementia, then Dad. 17 years my sister and I have dealt with both. We are tired, but it is easier now that Dad has the care he needs. Mom was cared for at the same nursing home, a great one, so Dad is where he should be now.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (126283)
• Bunbury, Australia
18 Mar 17
@Corbin5 I've seen people trying to cope at home with a dementia spouse and it is SO difficult. Not something you would wish on anyone.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
17 Mar 17
Your Dad would charm the leaves off the Trees in that photo. He does look really nice. Great news that the Medication is working for him. Smart answers those. I would not know what to say to him either. I would have to think about those for sure.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Yes, I just want him to keep thinking that he will have something to look forward to. Every time I leave the nursing home, which is just 3 minutes from my sister's house, my house, and our son's house, I think about how wonderful the staff happens to be, how warm and cozy Dad's room is, how good the food is, and how much attention his medical needs are given. I do not want Dad there, but I do not think he would fare as well in another environment. We are all so close by that we stop by all the time, but we sure need those doctors and nurses at the nursing home. We did keep Dad independent until age 94, so he had a good run.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Mar 17
@Corbin5 What is important is that he has the love of all of you. That is priceless and above all other.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
17 Mar 17
Such a shame for him, a true war hero laid low like that, obviously he loved his driving so it must distress him not being able to
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
18 Mar 17
It is hard for him to be no longer independent. My sister and I worked so hard to keep him independent until age 94, but he needs specialized care now.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
19 Mar 17
@Corbin5 you obviously both love him a great deal and you have done all you can for him
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (18475)
• United States
17 Mar 17
I wondered how your dad was doing, I do like hearing the updates. Cool picture! I feel for you though. It is hard when a family member sticks to the same subjects and doesn't entirely understand. I have heard that doing like you do ("I'll work on that" etc...) is the best response.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
17 Mar 17
Oh good. I am glad you have heard that my responses are appropriate. I always want him to have a little bit of something to look forward to.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (18475)
• United States
17 Mar 17
@Corbin5 Oh yes, my friend works at a nursing home -- he has said that is the best route with people in that situation. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 17
At least you dad seems to be doing better with the new meds and its funny how he went from being argumentative to wanting to drive again. I think being a bit evasive is better than telling him no.
1 person likes this
@Corbin5 (109535)
• United States
19 Mar 17
Yes, being evasive does seem to satisfy him for a while. Now, he is refusing all medications, so we have a new problem.