Nip things in the bud is what I would advise young couples

@allknowing (130088)
India
March 19, 2017 10:26am CST
We hear of so many divorces after staying married for a few years. The reasons could be many but one reason we often hear is when the wife is treated badly by the husband both verbally and physically. This is not only wrong but it is illegal. The very first time this happens that is the time to nip it and nip one can if they take courage in their hands, and expose the man. It works. Any another advice you can offer these couples who are going through this?
11 people like this
11 responses
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
19 Mar 17
I think this is easier said than done. A young woman, especially one living with her in-laws, may find it very difficult to stand up for herself.
3 people like this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
If it is assumed that the man is normal then I agree with you that it is difficult. No man who is abusive is normal. He needs treatment and having said that the wife instead of starting to hate the husband should go in the direction of counselling right at the first abusive experience.
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
19 Mar 17
Any verbal of physical abuse is wrong. The bully in any relationship will make the victim have low self esteem and make them feel worthless. It is wrong but some people do not know how to escape such cruelty.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
As I have commented elsewhere no normal person will ever inflict hurt on their loved ones unless he is mentally not stable.
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
20 Mar 17
I would surely advise, the same as you advised the wife. Here, when that is done to a wife, she can report it to the organization who helps battered women. And she can also report it to the police and that husband can land in jail.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
Losing one's cool and being abusive is kind of a disease as there are many who despite provocation do not react that way. The first thing a wife should do is to take the help of counselling and seek advice. Marriage is for keeps and not for divorce. The wife needs to understand that her husband has an issue and therefore rather than react in a negative way should go in the right direction. Also reacting when the iron is hot so to say is not advisable. In cooler moment things can be sorted out far better and the wife may not even need a counsellor. Many walk away from the situation.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
@SIMPLYD I do not suppose the husband got treated for his mental illness. As long as that is not taken care of the situation will not improve. Tell me which normal person would ever want to abuse his partner?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
20 Mar 17
@allknowing But here in the Philippines, men tends to abuse their wives because the wife after some counseling for both of them, would still be battered. In this case, it is best for the wife to leave and take the children with her because there is a possibility that the children, when left with the husband will be in turn beaten also instead.
1 person likes this
@silvermist (19706)
• India
25 Mar 17
@allknowingyou are right.But in most cases the abuse is kept hidden by the wife from her own dear ones.And years will have passed when she comes out in the open.And it all becomes complicated when there are kids.As you said,it should be tackled in the beginning itself.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
25 Mar 17
That is exactly what I have said in one of my comments here. " Has the wife done the right thing for herself in every aspect of the situation? It is common to hide, it is common to tolerate, it is common to forgive, it is common to..........the list is endless. Just one shift from this can do wonders to a future relationship"
1 person likes this
@silvermist (19706)
• India
25 Mar 17
@allknowing Well said.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116876)
• Anniston, Alabama
19 Mar 17
Yes, run as fast as you can, get out! He hits you once he will NEVER stop.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
That man is sick mentally and needs treatment. One can retrieve a marriage if right at the first instance steps are taken.
@Kandae11 (53599)
19 Mar 17
While the abused woman is waiting for things to change many things could happen to make her stay - like the arrival of children for example. So I would say "nip it in the bed" and if you think there is some hope , try to get counseling.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
The common factor the world over is to hush hush and suffer in silence. That has to stop and remedial measures taken forthwith when one experiences it the first time. But no one does that and it is allowed ferment.
@1hopefulman (45125)
• Canada
19 Mar 17
Good suggestion! Let the partner so that you do not tolerate abuse.
1 person likes this
@OreoBrownie (3755)
• Commerce, Georgia
19 Mar 17
Press charges after the first assault.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
Why would a man be abusive if he truly loves his wife? A newly married couple normally never experiences abuse by a partner and if that happens surely something is wrong with the man and reporting is not what I would advise but find out the root cause.
@Tampa_girl7 (48855)
• United States
20 Mar 17
As much as I love my husband if he ever physically harmed me that would end our marriage. We have been together since 1988. I am blessed that he is a gentle man.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
That fact that he has not shows he is normal. There must have been provocative situations and if your husband was mentally unstable he would resort to abuse.
@Daljinder (23222)
• Bangalore, India
19 Mar 17
I agree about nipping it in the bud in the beginning itself. Talk it all out about priorities, expectations etc.... before marrying. You see most of the times couples do not talk in details about these things. They don't even scratch the surface of it. It's okay when you trust your parents but ultimately it is you who is going to live in the marriage. It is your life. That very first year after marriage is and should be given to the couple to adjust with each other, getting to know each other, learning habits, preferences, personalities etc...
@allknowing (130088)
• India
21 Mar 17
@Daljinder But all do not do it no matter what the provocation. Slapping someone you love is not normal. And about that being normal in India I Ihink it is prevalent everywhere. This post was a result of what I read here. If that action of abuse is made public which is not as of now results will show. Not only is it hidden couples walk hand in hand just after the incident. My friend even got a made for each other award and when the divorce was announced she came out with the truth.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
And that one needs to do when the iron is cold but sadly that is not how a situation is handled. No normal person will be abusive specially when he loves his wife. That man needs handling.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23222)
• Bangalore, India
20 Mar 17
@allknowing It's not about a person being normal or abnormal for being abusive. Abuse is normalized in India. A slap or two doesn't bother anyone which is not right in any way b'coz it's still an abuse.
1 person likes this
• Trinidad And Tobago
19 Mar 17
Having friends and family support can be of great help. When there is violence you'll need a place that is safe and sheltered and calm and sometimes someone to champion your cause. Emotional and mental support too.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
20 Mar 17
You have the right kind of approach. Hiding the truth from dear ones is the main cause for the situation repeating itself.