April 3 , historically a bad day.

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April 3rd is historically a bad day in this family. I find that I can't make myself say "good morning" or anything of the sort, because, how could I do that and still remain true to what misery this day has inflected on us all? Let's reflect. April 3 - In 1982 - this was the day I was supposed to be born. My "due date". I'm so very happy that I was born early, on Feb.1. In 1992 or 25 years ago - we lost 2 family members on the same day due to murder. In 2013 - my mom's cancer diagnosis Also - if things are going to go bad/wrong - it seems to happen this time of year. To add insult to injury the family tragedy was enough to tip my dad over the edge into having several severe mental illnesses that punish my mom and I on a daily basis. Some number of years back there was a mass shooting that happened this day in a different state. I didn't know any of those people and I am sad and wish it didn't happen, but if it was fate , if it was going to happen anyway - I know that someone else out there is somber today, too. And in a way, that makes me feel less alone. Our extended family isn't close and I don't like bothering mom and dad with it. In the past few years I've become obsessed with the year 1991 and April 2nd as well. '91 was the last year that things could have gone any differently. It was the last chance for life to be better than what it is. April 2 - the last "normal" day. Oh well. Whatever will be will be, but I do wonder if there is any weight to numerology after all.