Have friend or family that is a hoarder?

@FayeHazel (5677)
United States
April 19, 2017 2:46pm CST
Hi Mylot! Today is going to be another rant, please excuse in advance. My dad is not only a hoarder, but also a control freak. You know my post of yesterday? About me, selling some of my mom and my clothing? Wellllll, my mom made the mistake of telling him. She had to tell him it was all my clothing because she'd have been in trouble if she said it was mostly hers. I didn't see them yesterday but my mom and I keep in touch throughout the day - apparently this was unsatisfactory to his highness. According to her - he spent most of the day complaining that I did it and will be insisting that I store the remaining clothes in totes. I have a 1 bedroom apt. and limited storage space. I have already been scolded about using too much room in the storage space in this building. * I am irritated that he would be alright with me selling the items through a garage sale (we've had several of those), but not on my own online. I'm irritated that it's my clothing, but we have to keep it because he keeps everything because he's a hoarder. * I am irritated that he gets so worked up over what *I* do in *my* life. Selling a few items of clothing is not dangerous, criminal or risky. * I am irritated that I need to "take the fall" for this. It was mostly my mom's stuff. *I am irritated that life, not just this, other instances too - need to be white lies. I don't like lying, but my dad cannot handle innocent little things that are facts of life. He will stop at nothing, all of my actions need justifications, or white lies so that he doesn't complain all day to my mom over what I am or am not doing. If I go out too much then I am spending "all of my money on drinks" A lie, since I seldom drink. If I stay in too much then he thinks he needs to come over 24/7 because "I'm suicidal because I'm lonely without his constant presence." Again not true since spending time with him is mostly thinking of ways to keep him calm... or to listen to his depression, which depresses me. Of course I also think these things are projection. In his youth, he drank to excess and he is the one who is depressed, one needs only to listen to him to figure that out. While he is not as bad of a hoarder as the one's the get featured on TV - he definitely is a hoarder. He has loads of clothing in storage that don't fit him anymore - decades old that he needs. Just like the years old catalogues that he "might need sometime". It's just that he doesn't pile up the inside of the house / and doesn't dumpster dive. So I'm sorry for complaining, My Lot. -- there are many great aspects of my dad too that , of course, I didn't mention... but it's really frustrating, he could have a much nicer life if he didn't feel like he had to control everyone around him. Is there anyone you know who hoards? Or is generally difficult?
25 people like this
24 responses
@LadyDuck (86863)
• Switzerland
20 Apr
I cannot see that my husband is a hoarder, but he is very close to this. I always have hard times throwing or donating things. For clothing, I do not tell him, because at least he has very poor memory.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I think you are wise - if you don't tell him , it doesn't hurt him any - just saves you and him some worry and strife.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (86863)
• Switzerland
20 Apr
@FayeHazel This is what I think, so I can throw what is no more needed and he is not stressed about what I do.
@sabtraversa (4923)
• Italy
19 Apr
That should be a trait of the Ossessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, something I probably have but I don't really have the hoarding trait, I quite like to throw stuff away, actually. I'm also pretty thrifty, but there's no cure for personality disorders, because it's part of personality. It's all about trying to not be taken over by the disorder. My father complains about my mother because "she hoards", but I think the extreme one is my father, after all you don't need to throw away all the pots because you're going to buy a new pair.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I'm obsessive compulsive myself. But not the hoarding aspect. Anyway I think you're right - his would seem to be OC personality disorder because he isn't tormented by it... he doesn't want to change. If you feel like sharing - what are your OC symptoms? Mine are germs...
2 people like this
• Italy
20 Apr
@FayeHazel I don't have OCD but OCPD. I don't have a bad relationship towards germs, if I were obsessed by them, I'd be craving for them, because I like to think they increase my immune system. I wrote about my OCPD a while back and you commented there, specifying the main different between the two disorders, being that a personality disorder doesn't feel tormented as it's part of the personality.
I know I can't self-diagnose through online tests, but I used to do them for a while and I've never noticed an OCPD alert. But now that I read its description,...
1 person likes this
@Marty1 (14821)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
20 Apr
@FayeHazel I have OCD myself. I am a washer of my hand's hundreds of times a day because of germs. I recently turned into a checker, also.
2 people like this
@redurnet (644)
• United Kingdom
20 Apr
This must be very difficult for you. I know that my mother is very controlling. We butt heads over many things and she refuses to compromise. I find it exhausting. I grew up telling little lies about almost every aspect of my life as she would often go hysterical about the truth.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I'm sorry you've had that experience too. :-( Same with my dad. No compromise. Tells himself little stories and becomes sure of it even though it's not the truth. I'm sorry you've had to learn to lie, let me guess - it's over little things that shouldn't matter ... I feel less alone now though, I hope you do too. If you ever want to write about it, PM me. :-) I find a lot of people don't "get" it.
1 person likes this
@redurnet (644)
• United Kingdom
20 Apr
@FayeHazel Yes, it is exactly like that for me too...it's having to lie about the little meaningless things that shouldn't be important. Thank you for sharing, I think it does help to know there are other people going through similar things.
@ridingbet (23453)
• Philippines
20 Apr
if i have much money, i would hoard some clothes/shorts for my son, but i am not a hoarder. i like to spend my money wisely.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
How old is your son? I like deals, too :-)
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (23453)
• Philippines
21 Apr
@FayeHazel oh, he is 25 years old, my friend. he does not like to buy clothes, but i like, to give him some clothes for home, like shorts.
• Banks, Oregon
20 Apr
Do not feel sorry for venting I have used this site much the same way, I am so sorry about your dad that must be so difficult I do not have a close relationship with my dad but he is a bit of dumpster diver and collector and it gets frustrating as sometimes he will bring his finds in trying to give them to us.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
Thanks, I needed that. :-) Sorry to hear your dad sounds like he can be challenging.... oh dear.... I hope he cleanses the items he wants to give you.... (I'm a germ-o-phobe)
1 person likes this
• Banks, Oregon
21 Apr
@FayeHazel yeah I have taken some in past but not as much now
@SIMPLYD (69047)
• Philippines
20 Apr
That's how it is with the old people already. Just have a deaf ear for his complaints. My mother-in-law's big cabinet cannot be closed anymore, because of many , many bedsheets, pillow cases, clothings from long ago that she doesn't want to forgo. Oh my!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
You're right... I should just let it go. Why do I care if he ruins his day worrying about the handful of clothing that I sold? But I let things like that get to me. Gr. Oh oh - I know bed sheets are expensive... but must have a place to store them, too :-)
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (69047)
• Philippines
21 Apr
@FayeHazel Yes, those bed sheets should be retained. they can be used.
@diosabella (4171)
20 Apr
My mom is not a hoarder but she likes to keep old clothes and things that we arent using anymore. She not getting mad at me if I try to get rid of it but if she gets her hands on them its off the bag. So now that I have no place to store it I have to think of something to get rid it off. I don't think any one will like to buy clothes from the 90's.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
At least she doesn't get angry at you. That's something. Never know - those 90s clothes may be collectible some day. :-)
1 person likes this
21 Apr
@FayeHazel Well some of them look nice but I doubt someone will one it. Unless it gets transform some how.
@carebear29 (19424)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
20 Apr
my husband is big time.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
Must be challenging/
1 person likes this
@carebear29 (19424)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
21 Apr
@DianneN (39485)
• United States
19 Apr
I'm not a hoarder, nor do I know anyone who does.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
Thank goodness, because it's a vicious illness
1 person likes this
@DianneN (39485)
• United States
20 Apr
@FayeHazel So I've heard.
@Tina30219 (14857)
• Onaway, Michigan
19 Apr
Hoarder don't even begin to describe my mother her closet is filled with so much stuff and she still goes out and buys more. She has so much bath & body works stuff and clothes and other stuff and she keeps right on buying more. I sure am not looking forward to going through it all when something happens to her.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
Oh dear, I bought a bunch of bath and body works lotion when it was on sale once - that stuff doesn't stay good forever. (It eventually separates and gets runny and gross) , it's frustrating ....
@Tina30219 (14857)
• Onaway, Michigan
20 Apr
@FayeHazel Yeah it can be frustrating when stuff like that happens.
@rina110383 (21775)
20 Apr
My mom is a hoarder.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
It's a challenge, isn't it?
@JudyEv (79097)
• Bunbury, Australia
20 Apr
I am so lucky that I've rarely had anyone around who was difficult. I probably wouldn't know what hit me if I did.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I bet it would be a big shock....
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (22881)
• Manitou Springs, Colorado
20 Apr
No hoarding or control freaks here, but my mother is a master manipulator.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
Sorry to hear that. I know those types personality can be a real challenge
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (46784)
• United Kingdom
19 Apr
I haven't come across a hoarder, though there are things in my house that I could do without. It's more that I just can't be bothered to do anything about them.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I hear you there too - I am slowly getting better at letting go of items myself
1 person likes this
@marguicha (64313)
• Chile
19 Apr
I read you post and then your profile. You are 35 years old. It´s time that you fly away your way. Your dad will control you only if you let him.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
It's true. I was finally "allowed" to move out 2 years ago (at 33). I am annoyed at how he tries to control me remotely. :/
@Hatley (138101)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Apr
my dad was llike that and too he and my mom fought almost every da y yet they never divorced but until I moved out at 19 to live on my owner I suffered almost dailly 'migraine head aches yet once away from home I never' had another one
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
I'm so sorry. That sounds really toxic. I'm happy you got out at 19.
@Kandae11 (12156)
19 Apr
There are somethings I like to keep, but I would never hoard. When I die , would I be able to take anything with me?
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (5677)
• United States
20 Apr
And sometimes items can trap us...
@fishtiger58 (26367)
• Momence, Illinois
20 Apr
I had heard that my aunt was a hoarder, my dad her younger brother was horrified when he visited her. They are both now passed on. But I heard it was quite a chore to clean out her house for her kids. My hubby is a bit of a pack rat, but most of his stuff is in the barn and it's not even close to being considered a hoarder. Hence the pack rat name, a baby or wanna be hoarder lol.
1 person likes this
@epiffanie (8079)
• Australia
21 Apr
Yes it's terrible to live with a hoarder.. I was a bit of a hoarder myself .. But I am throwing away a lot of things these days ..
@snowy22315 (22466)
• United States
21 Apr
Yeah, I do have a friend who is a hoarder. My sister has those tendencies too, but basically I think things would be better if they lived in a bigger house. Their house is simply too small to accommodate them all.