Had To Call The Police

@celticeagle (111378)
Boise, Idaho
April 20, 2017 9:54am CST
This morning my daughter tried to get my grandson up from about 5:10a. on. Finally he did get up about 5:30a. and got into the tub. My daughter tried and tried to get him to get out until well past bus time which is 6:10a. He just totally ignored her and then kept saying 'no!'. So, I took the bull by the horns and called the police. We've had to have them come out before. We have been totally leniant lately and I have had enough. Finally after more than a hour a policeman came. He told Josh he needed to get up, get dressed and get to school. Also about the out of control law. (Josh had missed the school bus so he would have to take the city bus) The policeman told him that if he didn't he could be charged with being out of control and go to Juvenal Detention. Josh finally started coming around a little and the police officer left saying that if he had to come out again he would charge him and left me with his card. Josh cried like a baby for about ten minutes moaning that he didn't want to go to juvie, then finally got up and got dressed. Actually got out there and caught the city bus. *NOTE* For those of you that don't know my situation-- I live with my daughter and grandson. Grandson is 14 and has ODD. Very defiant. My daughter is bi-polar and has a learning disability. She had a very bad manic phase back in 2010 and was totally out of commission for about four months that summer. They were both off their meds all that time. When she came back to normal she begged me to come back and live with them and help her to raise Josh. I did so out of love and concern for my daughter. I knew she couldn't do it alone. So here I am. I have been told by many both professional and not that I should move and be on my own because this causes me so much stress. But, what they don't understand is that I would be even more stressed if I wasn't here and able to help. He has already brutalized her and was charged with parental abuse. And, he pushed me last October and dislocated my shoulder. He is a big boy. But, I am here and will stay here.
17 people like this
22 responses
• United States
20 Apr
I can honestly say I do not envy you nor would I ever get into a position like that - I don't have kids, is one reason, but your kid / grand son need help - more than they are getting. Who will be their watchdog when you're gone? If you are financially able, which you might not be, then you need to get out.
5 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
When I am gone he will be out of school and what he does after that is up to him. I am here to help my daughter get him graduated. After he is of age he can do as he pleases. I can't go else where. I am really in need of my daughter's help daily and we all live here as a family. I couldn't live on my own for long.
@Corbin5 (69823)
• United States
20 Apr
Calling the officer was a wise thing to do. Hopefully, Josh's fear of going to Juvenile Detention will have him staying in line. Being lenient at times does him no good at all. When all rules are followed to a T on a regular basis and all punishment for breaking the rules is always levied, kids feel more secure because they always know what is coming next. Giving in every now and then just confuses kids and makes them feel insecure and that insecurity causes them to act out.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
I so agree with what you have said here. Consistency and follow through is so important. Being wishy washy is awful and my daughter is like milk toast. Another reason I have to be here.
1 person likes this
• Lakewood, Colorado
20 Apr
Its good you called them this morning though I surely wish you did not have to go that route .. My heart breaks for you and all of you really. It is not something everyone understands. Such a nice photo of them both there ...
2 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Yes, tough love is the pits.
1 person likes this
• Lakewood, Colorado
21 Apr
@celticeagle Yes it is ...
1 person likes this
@just4him (80970)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
20 Apr
I'm glad you took the bull by the horns. Hopefully that will put an end to his defiant stance against getting up on time for school. He also knows you will not just threaten, but follow through.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Yes, and I think that is so important. Consistency and follow through.
1 person likes this
@just4him (80970)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
21 Apr
@celticeagle I agree.
1 person likes this
@much2say (32843)
• United States
20 Apr
What a difficult situation, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta to do. I knew a fellow mom who took her out of control middle schooler to the station (I think they had a relative that was a cop or something like that). The boy was shown the ropes of how things can go if he didn't shape up . . . apparently it really shook him up and by the end he was bawling out too. I think in high school this same kid wouldn't get up to go to school (his mother always drove him) . . . so one day on some important day, the mother said if he didn't get up, she wasn't waiting around for him - and that he'd have to walk to school. He ended up having to walk - something like 11 miles - and he actually made it before school ended .
2 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
My grandson knows about juvie. His sister went there and so did his mom. It really scares him. Part of our problem is that I don't drive anymore. He has to catch the school bus. He hates taking the city bus like he had to today. I wish he had a cop or good male figure in the family.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (11867)
• Fairfield, Texas
20 Apr
Being a strict parent, I wouldn't put up with any of it @celticeagle however; his medical condition needs to be addressed. Who's to say he wouldn't fly off the handle and kill both you and your daughter.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Who's say for sure. That is why I am here and make some of the decisions I do. He is a big boy and intimidating at times. He is on meds and we keep him with a good meds check psychiatrist. So his medical condition is being addressed and he has gotten a lot better. He used to be a lot worse than he is now.
1 person likes this
@manasamanu (3757)
• Bangalore, India
21 Apr
You are a very good father but you need to understand that you cannot always keep a watch on them. You need to make sure that they can take care of themselves.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
Father? I don't think so. Sure they need to take of themselves. But every one needs help from time to time.
1 person likes this
• Bangalore, India
21 Apr
@celticeagle Right still you cannot be with them always, you need to find someone whom you can entrust their responsibility.
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Apr
@manasamanu .....But, I am here now when she needs me and that is what counts.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (29831)
• United States
21 Apr
Your poor daughter. I had issues like that with my son when he was a teen and it is no fun! Fortunately, he has a great job these days and gets himself out of the door with no problem!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
You are so lucky. I sure hope my grandson will enjoy his job when the time comes. That is another worry of mine.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (29831)
• United States
21 Apr
@celticeagle It may take some time and maybe some assistance, but just because they don't like school and have ittle success doesn't mean automatically they won;t like work.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
@snowy22315 .....Hope he finds something he enjoys.
@diosabella (4846)
21 Apr
Is there nothing else that can be done? It would be dangerous when he gets to be a grown man? Its a good thing that your helping out, some people can't understand how important the family.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
Nope. No other options. My daughter is very important to me.
1 person likes this
21 Apr
@celticeagle I hope there could be some kind of therapy that could uplift his mood so he won't be like that anymore. Good luck! And be careful always.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Apr
@diosabella .....I wish there was too. I think his ODD personality is for good though. I am careful. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (36764)
• United States
20 Apr
Honestly, its your choice to stay or go but if it was me id leave. Yes youd probably be worried about them alot but it would be safe for you and i beliece less stress. Even with so much worry from not being there. But again its your choice and hope things get better with your grandson.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Yes, a lot of people would leave this situation and believe me I have started to several times. It is not easy with him and her manic phases. But, I would stress and feel very guilty if something happened and I wasn't here to help where I can. I have to make the hard decisions and keep her on track. That's my job.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (36764)
• United States
21 Apr
@celticeagle but it's not your job. Not fully. Shes an adult. She needs to take care of herself and her child. But i get it. You're mom.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
@Courtlynn .....But she has issues and needs help. It was literally kill her to have him taken by CPS so I am here to help that not to happen.
@Tina30219 (22920)
• Onaway, Michigan
23 Apr
Sorry to hear it took calling the cops to get your grandson to get up and get ready and go to svhool. Is there a reason why he don't want to get up and go to school is he having problems with people at school?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Apr
No, he is on meds and doesn't get to sleep early enough to get enough sleep. THen he is groggy and it takes so long for him to get ready.
@Tina30219 (22920)
• Onaway, Michigan
24 Apr
@celticeagle Ah that explains it.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (28394)
• Momence, Illinois
20 Apr
I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. But he is a minor and needs help. I hope soon the situation can be remedied. Maybe the thought of going to juvie will help the situation.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
I sure hope so. Keeping that looming if he doesn't do as she should is something we have needed. I hope it works and he can get through the year. He has until June 2nd.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (28394)
• Momence, Illinois
23 Apr
@celticeagle Much good luck to you all.
@CoralLevang (34154)
• United States
22 Apr
You all need some peace in this situation. This is probably one of the most difficult things I think anyone can go through. And I will say it again... you are a saint ... I don't think that I could do what you do. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you. And I know it was not easy to call the police, but you did the right thing. And it gives you one more support for yourself. I would certainly keep his card.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Apr
I am definitely keeping his card. Thanks for the positive feedback. It is sure nice to hear.
1 person likes this
@Gunchie (73)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
21 Apr
There is a saying in Indonesia, child love along the pole, mother's love along the way. Happy to fight tirelessly, will be a beautiful memory. I feel touched.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
Thank you.
@GardenGerty (87554)
• Marion, Kansas
21 Apr
We take on a lot of stress for family. I am glad you have a plan in place to get Josh to do what is needed.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr
Yes, we do and so am I.
@sharon6345 (98223)
• United States
20 Apr
You keep doing what you think is right. I wish I were not so ocd I would be ok with my daughter not struggling to find her way in the world. She got hire yesterday and is looking forward to working now. She is also back in school. We are working things out. She called to see if she could come over. Of course, I wanted to see her. But she left hair in my sink. That could give me a panic attack so the next time she calls to come over i might say no. because living in an unclean home I can't so. I wish more moms were willing to overextend for adul children. Most often those with special needs. I have bipolar and my mom still helps me. I hate when she cries but I still make her cry when she hears of my struggle. Good thing you can take a lot.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Tough love is the pits. You have to do what makes you comfortable and she needs to respect that. Your mom sounds like a great one.
@dodo19 (26632)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Apr
I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you guys. I think that calling the police officer was the right thing to do and it's good that he gave you his card. You have it, just in case you need it.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
Thank you. Yes, that feels good.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (10322)
• Riga, Latvia
20 Apr
Is there any way you could get professional help and advice for Josh. It sounds like a very stressful situation. Your daughter is lucky to have you there. Never been in such a situation but perhaps this info might help or give you some ideas
Parenting a child with oppositional defiant disorder makes a hard task even more difficult. Here are five things to keep in mind when dealing with ODD.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
We had a realy good PSR but she quit because the facility she was from expected her to go back update her licensing and it wasn't worth it to her for the amount of hours she was working. ODD behavior is scary. I've read ALOT about it. Bi-polar is too. Thanks anyway.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (8347)
• United States
20 Apr
Wow, sounds challenging. I commend you for being there, but maybe there is another way that both your daughter and her son could be cared after, but not at the expensive of your health? Sorry, I know there is no easy answer....
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
I would feel guilty if anything happened. I would stress too much too. I feel better being here and helping where I can. I am the bad guy that has to call in the police and such if needed.
@jaboUK (48827)
• United Kingdom
20 Apr
What an awful situation for you, but I can understand you feeling you must be there for them. Perhaps that boy will come to his senses if he realises he may have to go to a detention centre.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Apr
I sure hope so. This gets SOOOO old.
1 person likes this