Annoying relative

@prashu228 (25814)
India
May 6, 2017 5:04am CST
I know maintaining good relation with our near ones is essential, but this one relative of mine is really troublesome. We are facing this problem since three months from now. She is my mom’s cousin, they shifted to our city few months back. She has lots of problems, financial being the main. Her son’s has a government job, earns well, but they are not on talking terms. So if she needs any money she won’t ask her son, visits us first week of every month and tells all her problems and asks money, same thing repeated today also. She came early in the morning around 8 o’ clock after her son left for office. Started saying all her problems need for money asked for 10 dollars. My mother is in helpless situation now. She can’t say no directly, she gave her money we won’t get that money back we know that. How to avoid such people? How to say no?
12 people like this
15 responses
@just4him (109995)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
6 May 17
She needs to take some responsibility for her needs. I don't know how you will make her see her responsibility, but it needs to happen. Pray about what you need to do - the best action to take. Maybe there is an agency she can get help from.
2 people like this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
7 May 17
No such agencies here...my mom spoke to another cousin about this problem , well she too said not to give any money .
1 person likes this
@just4him (109995)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
7 May 17
@prashu228 It's good advice. I hope she takes it.
@MALUSE (37991)
• Germany
6 May 17
Make a list yourselves and tell her all YOUR problems the next time she comes! Then point out that she has a son and that it's a shame she doesn't get along with him. She should make peace with him and then accost him for money. Maybe you could also add that it would be a shame if the whole family heard about the situation.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
Well said, I should do that. She will not come again in this month. Next month first week appears here, as if it's a duty
@MALUSE (37991)
• Germany
6 May 17
@prashu228 Then you have time enough to compile your list of your own problems. You can also think of relatives you're going to tell about her if she doesn't stop molesting you. You can use that as a threat.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
@MALUSE haha you are right, lots of time.
@Shavkat (56796)
• Philippines
6 May 17
I will simply say NO. It is not your family's obligation.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
My mom is very much hesitating to say no
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (56796)
• Philippines
6 May 17
@prashu228 I think you can try to talk to them on the spot.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
7 May 17
@Shavkat my mother won't allow me to talk , she is worried as the lady may go and say bad about us to other relatives
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (34344)
• Philippines
6 May 17
speak up what's on your mind, until you didn't let her know what you feel she will always come back and ask money. When your mother can't do it, you can do it. Of course you shouldn't it directly, try to start it in softer way.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
7 May 17
I agree, mother said she will handle it, she don't want me to involve in this.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (34344)
• Philippines
7 May 17
@prashu228 okay then, that's better.
@Nawsheen (22942)
• Mauritius
6 May 17
That is very bad. I know that it must be very difficult for your mum to say no but if she doesnt do it now she will continue to ask you. So try to explain to her that even you are short of money and explain your problem.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
that's what we should do now, we should also say that we have financial problems as well.
@Nawsheen (22942)
• Mauritius
6 May 17
@prashu228 maybe you can tell her to lend you some money. Maybe she will understand then how it feels like. I know its your family but sorry to say those kind of people are so annoying
@Sreekala (22108)
• India
6 May 17
That is a tough situation. If you say a 'no' then you people become bad, no matter how much you helped her in the past. All the past things will forgotten. That is the human nature. However, next time she comes, befores she started telling her troubles, your mom can tell about the problems of money. What to do? There is a proverb in our native it means 'the person who eats does not understand the amount of food taken already, then the serving person must understand it'.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
Hmm she is shameless, her son is earning 40k per month, and says he don't have money .what to say situation is like that, my mother is really upset. I think both son and mother are acting
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22108)
• India
6 May 17
@prashu228 In that case you have to be more strict. There is no other way to deal such people.
• Trinidad And Tobago
6 May 17
If this family is Indian...then the situation is very complex. You cannot say 'yes' and you cannot say 'no'. And if you are Hindu Indian, then you have both the duty and the obligations. Sorry, there is no easy way. If your Mom refuses things can escalate way out of hand. My best advice is to 'read' the situation and respond accordingly. Some days your Mom can try saying 'Sorry, I have no money...if I had I would give...you know that" That might work ...although she'll have to say it about twenty times. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
7 May 17
yes Indian , but not Hindu. I am Indian christian. You got my point very well, the situation is complex. My mom won't allow me to talk , so i am saying my mom, to prepare all the list of problems which she can say .
@allknowing (61751)
• India
6 May 17
Fro everything there is a cut off time. This also should have one.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
yeah its time to cut , that's what i told my mom.
2 people like this
@shivamani10 (11131)
• Hyderabad, India
6 May 17
ah..ah.ah...so this is an invited trouble. This is quite routine in India.If we do not give them they go out and say bad about us
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (25814)
• India
6 May 17
we were never in contact with them before, its only after they shifted to our city ,they started coming to our house. But even then she doesn't hesitate to ask.
@PatZAnthony (12343)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
8 May 17
This is a tough situation. What if you mother was not in control of any money? Who would she go to for help then?
@youless (90417)
• Guangzhou, China
8 May 17
It is so bad to hear that. It is very fruistrating to have relatives like that. I think sooner or later this kind of relationship will be broken up because nobody can just keep lending your money but you have never returned it. It may be OK for a millionaire. But we are all ordinary people and we also have our own lives. So perhaps next time just state your situation and decline it.
@BettyB (4221)
• Summerville, South Carolina
7 May 17
Maybe you should have a talk with her son.
@quantum2020 (8720)
• Ciudad De Mexico, Mexico
7 May 17
It´s not easy to say no, but it´s better to say no than to have bad feelings later
@sjvg1976 (18040)
• Delhi, India
7 May 17
It's better to become bad by saying NO once then to lend her money every month. I know it's tough but your mom needs to say it.
@responsiveme (14477)
• India
7 May 17
That is problematic...can't the son be told