Are we making newbies feel uncomfortable?

Cyprus
May 19, 2017 11:46am CST
I already know what some of you might say: "People get easily offended". "They are breaking the rules / guidelines". "I always like being straight-forward". "You've been here how long now? And suddenly you are schooling us? Give me a break". I'm not trying to stir things up or start a fire here. But I have noticed plenty of newbies who appear to have good intentions, that somehow they don't feel welcome here. Perhaps it's our sarcasm. Perhaps it's our cold-hearted directness. Perhaps because we think that we got all this mylot discussion stuff figured out now that when we see others not conforming to the site's (or our) standards and rules, that we have the right to scare them away. It's a social site. We need people to make it happen. There will be spammers of course: just report those and move on. And there will be many new members who will find this site strangely confusing, and even finding them repeating their "offences" because they think that's how the site works. The thing is, you need to explain it gently and continuously to them. You are the experienced masters of myLot now, therefore you need to educate them how to use the site with devotion and kindness. If you are not interested in doing that, then at least don't complain about it, and perhaps leave the sarcasm and rudeness out. After all, if the admin allows them to just be, then it must be ok, right? You are bothered by their lack of checking and adhering to the guidelines, but they are also bothered by your unwelcoming behavior and lack of guidance. Think about that.
27 people like this
25 responses
• New Delhi, India
19 May
Are you offended by something here?
6 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
Me no, I'm doing great here actually. But I've noticed a few other members who are new here that seem to be having issues.
5 people like this
• New Delhi, India
19 May
@thehousewife OK...I thought it was about you
3 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
@amitkokiladitya No, don't worry, I'm enjoying a lot here.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (58406)
• United States
19 May
I would feel unwelcome here as a newbie here if attacked in an unkind manner. All one has to do is kindly suggest that they will find the answer to a question in the guidelines, preceded by a heartfelt "Welcome to myLot." The demise of a site can come quickly if polite behavior is abandoned.
4 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
Exactly, it gives the rest of us mylotters a bad rep.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (43771)
• Pleasant Hill, California
29 May
I can think of no reason not to be polite.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (43771)
• Pleasant Hill, California
29 May
@thehousewife I've seen very few rude MyLotters. Some are "abrupt," but that's just their style.
2 people like this
@marguicha (69014)
• Chile
19 May
I partially agree with you. But whenever I register to any online site, I check on the rules and TOS. If I donĀ“t, Ill get deleted. I think that saying " Welcome! Read the rules of the site" is not being rude. But I cannot spend my time explaining how the site works to people who make their first post with a link to another site and a second one with a single word.
3 people like this
19 May
You don't have to but there are also people who are "attacking" new members for that and that is also the thing that they don't have to do...
3 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
Yes, that is common sense to read the rules first before signing up. Not all people think this way though. Saying "Welcome, read the rules" is not rude at all. It's a good response. And like @tasoartcraft stated, you don't have to be a tutor, but you don't have to be rude or sarcastic to them either.
3 people like this
@marguicha (69014)
• Chile
19 May
@tasoartcraft I agree. But there are bullies everywhere although it is a pity.
2 people like this
• Lakewood, Colorado
19 May
I try to be as welcoming as possible and also to use humor when I see mistakes being made over and over.
3 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
That's great. Very good, keep it up!
2 people like this
• Lakewood, Colorado
19 May
@thehousewife Thanks I will.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (9917)
• Philippines
19 May
I like newbies. I mean, I've been to that stage and for all honesty, I feel what they exactly feel. To be intimidated by everyone here. It would be okay if we tell them that we are happy to see them here and we are welcoming them.
2 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
I am sorry you have felt intimidated by members. I absolutely agree with you, we should be happy myLot is getting new members here and we should be welcoming them.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (9917)
• Philippines
19 May
@thehousewife We should. We need to encourage them that it is not all about the earning but the friendship we are going to build here.
3 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
@JustBhem well said!
2 people like this
19 May
Exactly!!! :) That is how I felt as a newbie which put me in a position of a very sensitive and frustrated person. That is why I was complaining constantly and also because of the people who didn't understand it and that is all why they now (I think) they consider me as the one who is insulting other members and similar... You explained it well and regarding "spamming", I was accused (on my FIRST post here) of it even though I wasn't spamming at all! Best! :)
2 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
My experience as a newbie was excellent here. I have not gone through what you went through, everybody was so polite and welcoming and haven't felt anything wrong from anyone, which is why I stayed here, but I want my first impression and experience to be the same for all newbies. Because I believe this site is really worth having plenty of members, a variety of minds and culture. I would like to apologize for us if we have offended you. I believe this is the second time I am posting specifically about the behavior of veterans toward new members, and whether we are new here or veterans, we must remember our manners and kindness at all times. I am hoping that these type of discussions will help somehow for all of us to get along and stay mindful of the guidelines too, and I truly hope I don't have to post something like this again.
2 people like this
19 May
@thehousewife Great, good for you. :) No, you didn't offend me, just some of them... :/ :) Absolutely... That was my opinion too, that some people are too long here and don't think how is it for the new members, or are just seeing things from their own perspective which doesn't have anything with myLot, it is who they are... They (new members) don't expect to be "attacked" at the first moment they come here (or ever)... When you are new, you don't expect suddenly a bunch of people telling you what to or not to do, and when you confront you are considered as a bully or being rude... I know that maybe some people have the best intention when advising new members, but actually what a new member see is that that person is acting like he/she "owns" the site and consider THAT rude... He/she doesn't know anything when they come here...
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
19 May
@tasoartcraft I have been advised or explained how things work sometimes by members at my early days, and never thought it was rude to be honest. I was even welcoming the behavior and thanking them for taking the time to show me how things work around here. But I have to be honest, sometimes I see members replying to other new members here with a real sarcastic rude tone. And sometimes it's uncalled for. Like for instance if someone is writing only one line in his discussion or they make 100 discussions in 10 milliseconds. It could be annoying for some, sure, but I don't see a direct violation of the guidelines and if admin doesn't delete the discussions or ban the members for doing so, then it must be alright. Right? There is no need to mock or be rude about it. Sometimes I don't understand this behavior. As soon as they see someone posting his/her first post, they immediately assume that they violated the guidelines in some way. Spammers and plagiarists should be reported, yes, but they are in such in a hurry to show their teeth, that they won't bother checking the discussion and thus can't tell an honest member from a rogue one apart. And who made them police anyways?
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (18506)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
21 May
Lead by example, that seems to be a good motto to live by here on myLot. But: Nobody's perfect, everyone lets their guards down occasionally... That's when the community spirit helps, setting things right, smoothing ruffled feathers, and perhaps getting blocked in the process
2 people like this
• Cyprus
21 May
Very well said, and very true about the blocking part.
2 people like this
@pgntwo (18506)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
21 May
@thehousewife It's a bit of a black art how the Block process works on myLot.
2 people like this
@Shavkat (35773)
• Philippines
20 May
I let them feel by knowing the guidelines of the site. If I had offended them, then I don't mind.
2 people like this
• Cyprus
20 May
Yes, if you have done your part politely, then it's their problem if they offended. But I have seen responses from members that justifies their frustration.
2 people like this
@Shavkat (35773)
• Philippines
20 May
@thehousewife I think it is not my or our fault to guide them. We can be here for them.
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (16605)
19 May
Corrections can be done in a diplomatic manner and if the person persists over and over again -- well....
2 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
Yes, agreed, we have to draw the line somewhere.
• Cyprus
20 May
@Lupita234 that depends on the admin and whether they violated the guidelines. Some people here complain about too many posts per hour or one line discussions. Not exactly a crime, but more of an annoyance. You can't block or ban members just for small stuff, otherwise you would be banned already as well.
@sjvg1976 (12703)
• Delhi, India
19 May
Absolutely. I agree with your post. There is no need to offend a newbie. Always remember we also learn about mylot with the time. It's better to report to admin if you find something against the rules rather then asking directly from the user in a sarcastic way.
2 people like this
• Cyprus
19 May
Yes, exactly how you said it. The admin also asked that too. Report without responding.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (4697)
• India
22 May
Yes we need not respond in extreme violation cases. However if it's a minor issue why to get angry? I do not treat newbies in that way.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (28626)
• Philippines
20 May
the first thing they must do is read and understand the guidelines.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
20 May
Yes that is the proper approach when signing up to any site.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (28626)
• Philippines
21 May
@thehousewife indeed, but there are some who jump ahead without reading the policies, then rant when they do not get paid
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
21 May
@ridingbet yes that is very true. It seems they don't use common sense.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (15320)
• Canada
31 May
I try to be kind to everyone but am limited in time and so I do not go out of my way to look for new ones, only when I come across one do I welcome them and help them if they have questions.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
31 May
That's very good. Yes me too, I don't get to see all the new people here, but I try to be welcoming if I do.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (15320)
• Canada
1 Jun
@thehousewife After all, we are all in in this (Mylot) together and the more the merrier!
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
1 Jun
@1hopefulman Yes exactly. The more the better.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (16744)
• South Africa
24 May
the fact of the matter is, some of the newbies are here for the wrong reasons and all of the above is true
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
24 May
Yes some newbies are here only for the money, but I have seen people who just want to talk and have fun here, like me and you.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (16744)
• South Africa
24 May
@thehousewife thats correct, but then the talking and the fun should be intellectual and obviously positive and encouraging too
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
24 May
@Inlemay I agree completely.
1 person likes this
@BettyB (4217)
• Summerville, South Carolina
8 Jun
Kindness is always better. It doesn't matter if its online or in person.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
8 Jun
Well said! It never hurts to be kind. And it's usually contagious too.
1 person likes this
@BettyB (4217)
• Summerville, South Carolina
12 Jun
@thehousewife Yes it is. I don't pay attention to who is new and who is not. If someone comments on my posts, I return the favor. If I see them often enough, I add them to my friends list. I don't care if they are new or not.
1 person likes this
@crossbones27 (11226)
• Redlands, California
8 Jun
This had me rolling, but from a corporate standpoint you are right. Otherwise do not care, I am who I am and would figure most would want it that way. Life is not logical anymore I get your point.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
8 Jun
Yes, the site needs new members, and if we drive them away with bad attitude, then how can we expect sites like these to survive?
1 person likes this
• Redlands, California
8 Jun
@thehousewife indeed, on that love being able to come here.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (13417)
• Malaysia
30 May
I agree with you that it's good if we can make the newbies feel at home here, so they will enjoy staying here. I am not sure, I have read some people say some mylotters are not friendly and they got offended. Perhaps I haven't been active lately, or I didn't bump into those discussions, I always find friendly mylotters around. Perhaps I just ignored those "unfriendly" ones.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
30 May
There are some isolated incidents, but nothing serious or consistent. I think things are better lately.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (13417)
• Malaysia
30 May
@thehousewife Yes, I believe there are different kinds of people everywhere. Sometimes even though some people may be harsh, they may not mean to hurt others. I think mylot is still considered a joyful land.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (43771)
• Pleasant Hill, California
29 May
I just "act as if" with newbies. I assume they have good intentions. But if they plagiarize, or continue with one-liners without interacting, then it's different.
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
29 May
Yes, I am also with the "innocent until proven guilty" thinking. Yes, plagiarism and spamming with their links is a behavior that should be reported instead.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (43771)
• Pleasant Hill, California
29 May
@thehousewife Yes, if I see blatant plagiarism, or spamming, I report it immediately.
1 person likes this
@ShifaLk (7092)
• India
22 May
Yes I agree because it can make them feel complicated about the site so it is really better to explain it to them with kindness
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
22 May
Yes, exactly. Very well said. For an outsider, sometimes it's difficult to understand how the site works.
1 person likes this
@ShifaLk (7092)
• India
23 May
@thehousewife yes and with time we can learn better with experience
1 person likes this
• Germany
19 May
I am totally speechless..but Thanks for opening this up..
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
20 May
You are welcome.
• Germany
21 May
@Lupita234 ..agree with you
@Shiva49 (7858)
• Singapore
31 May
Overall it is quite alright here with most welcoming the newbies. It gets a while getting used to though as some newbies are curious to know from the regulars without bothering to read the guidelines - siva
1 person likes this
• Cyprus
31 May
Yes, that is true that some people don't bother to read the guidelines. That's why whenever I see a newbie, I respond to them with the link to the guidelines.
1 person likes this