Are we making newbies feel uncomfortable?
May 19, 2017 11:46am CST
I already know what some of you might say: "People get easily offended". "They are breaking the rules / guidelines". "I always like being straight-forward". "You've been here how long now? And suddenly you are schooling us? Give me a break". I'm not trying to stir things up or start a fire here. But I have noticed plenty of newbies who appear to have good intentions, that somehow they don't feel welcome here. Perhaps it's our sarcasm. Perhaps it's our cold-hearted directness. Perhaps because we think that we got all this mylot discussion stuff figured out now that when we see others not conforming to the site's (or our) standards and rules, that we have the right to scare them away. It's a social site. We need people to make it happen. There will be spammers of course: just report those and move on. And there will be many new members who will find this site strangely confusing, and even finding them repeating their "offences" because they think that's how the site works. The thing is, you need to explain it gently and continuously to them. You are the experienced masters of myLot now, therefore you need to educate them how to use the site with devotion and kindness. If you are not interested in doing that, then at least don't complain about it, and perhaps leave the sarcasm and rudeness out. After all, if the admin allows them to just be, then it must be ok, right? You are bothered by their lack of checking and adhering to the guidelines, but they are also bothered by your unwelcoming behavior and lack of guidance. Think about that.
27 people like this
• United States
I would feel unwelcome here as a newbie here if attacked in an unkind manner. All one has to do is kindly suggest that they will find the answer to a question in the guidelines, preceded by a heartfelt "Welcome to myLot." The demise of a site can come quickly if polite behavior is abandoned.
4 people like this
I partially agree with you. But whenever I register to any online site, I check on the rules and TOS. If I don´t, Ill get deleted. I think that saying " Welcome! Read the rules of the site" is not being rude. But I cannot spend my time explaining how the site works to people who make their first post with a link to another site and a second one with a single word.
Yes, that is common sense to read the rules first before signing up. Not all people think this way though. Saying "Welcome, read the rules" is not rude at all. It's a good response. And like @tasoartcraft stated, you don't have to be a tutor, but you don't have to be rude or sarcastic to them either.
Exactly!!! :) That is how I felt as a newbie which put me in a position of a very sensitive and frustrated person. That is why I was complaining constantly and also because of the people who didn't understand it and that is all why they now (I think) they consider me as the one who is insulting other members and similar... You explained it well and regarding "spamming", I was accused (on my FIRST post here) of it even though I wasn't spamming at all! Best! :)
My experience as a newbie was excellent here. I have not gone through what you went through, everybody was so polite and welcoming and haven't felt anything wrong from anyone, which is why I stayed here, but I want my first impression and experience to be the same for all newbies. Because I believe this site is really worth having plenty of members, a variety of minds and culture. I would like to apologize for us if we have offended you. I believe this is the second time I am posting specifically about the behavior of veterans toward new members, and whether we are new here or veterans, we must remember our manners and kindness at all times. I am hoping that these type of discussions will help somehow for all of us to get along and stay mindful of the guidelines too, and I truly hope I don't have to post something like this again.
@thehousewife Great, good for you. :) No, you didn't offend me, just some of them... :/ :) Absolutely... That was my opinion too, that some people are too long here and don't think how is it for the new members, or are just seeing things from their own perspective which doesn't have anything with myLot, it is who they are... They (new members) don't expect to be "attacked" at the first moment they come here (or ever)... When you are new, you don't expect suddenly a bunch of people telling you what to or not to do, and when you confront you are considered as a bully or being rude... I know that maybe some people have the best intention when advising new members, but actually what a new member see is that that person is acting like he/she "owns" the site and consider THAT rude... He/she doesn't know anything when they come here...
@tasoartcraft I have been advised or explained how things work sometimes by members at my early days, and never thought it was rude to be honest. I was even welcoming the behavior and thanking them for taking the time to show me how things work around here. But I have to be honest, sometimes I see members replying to other new members here with a real sarcastic rude tone. And sometimes it's uncalled for. Like for instance if someone is writing only one line in his discussion or they make 100 discussions in 10 milliseconds. It could be annoying for some, sure, but I don't see a direct violation of the guidelines and if admin doesn't delete the discussions or ban the members for doing so, then it must be alright. Right? There is no need to mock or be rude about it. Sometimes I don't understand this behavior. As soon as they see someone posting his/her first post, they immediately assume that they violated the guidelines in some way. Spammers and plagiarists should be reported, yes, but they are in such in a hurry to show their teeth, that they won't bother checking the discussion and thus can't tell an honest member from a rogue one apart. And who made them police anyways?
• Derry, Northern Ireland
Lead by example, that seems to be a good motto to live by here on myLot. But: Nobody's perfect, everyone lets their guards down occasionally... That's when the community spirit helps, setting things right, smoothing ruffled feathers, and perhaps getting blocked in the process
@Lupita234 that depends on the admin and whether they violated the guidelines. Some people here complain about too many posts per hour or one line discussions. Not exactly a crime, but more of an annoyance. You can't block or ban members just for small stuff, otherwise you would be banned already as well.
• Delhi, India
Absolutely. I agree with your post. There is no need to offend a newbie. Always remember we also learn about mylot with the time. It's better to report to admin if you find something against the rules rather then asking directly from the user in a sarcastic way.
• Summerville, South Carolina
@thehousewife Yes it is. I don't pay attention to who is new and who is not. If someone comments on my posts, I return the favor. If I see them often enough, I add them to my friends list. I don't care if they are new or not.
I agree with you that it's good if we can make the newbies feel at home here, so they will enjoy staying here. I am not sure, I have read some people say some mylotters are not friendly and they got offended. Perhaps I haven't been active lately, or I didn't bump into those discussions, I always find friendly mylotters around. Perhaps I just ignored those "unfriendly" ones.