People only hear what they want to hear
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
United States
May 21, 2017 8:37am CST
It is obvious that there are many instances where people don't really pay attention to what is said or presented to them. They latch onto a few key words and the rest passes them by. I will give you an example:
My cousin never married, she has a small home she can't keep up with and recently had hip replacement surgery which has her in a mindset that it's time to move to a retirement village. She sent me a message telling me all about how wonderful it is and that once you buy your unit there are no monthly fees other than taxes.
Well, guess what, she is so wrong. She only paid attention to a few key words the woman at this retirement village sales office told her. The reason I know for a fact she is wrong is two fold:
. The retirement village she is looking into is owned by a huge corporation that owns them in many other states. My father lived in one in Seabrook, New Jersey for several years. I knew what he paid monthly and I also know they don't give you meals, cable, phone, heat, etc. for free.
. I also know how to go online and look it up, which I did. The monthly fee there is $2,000 a month for a one bedroom one bath apartment, which does also include one meal a day in any of their onsite restaurants. But its certainly not free. The larger the unit you get the higher the monthly fee.
I sent her the link to the page that discusses monthly fees and told her she needs to read all the information on their website and then go back and ask questions.
The home she owns is very small and she has not updated it in the 30 years she's lived there. She is not going to make a fortune selling it and probably not enough to buy into the retirement village since the smallest one bedroom one bath unit is $167,000.
She basically has no family, other than me, to talk to and she very seldom listens to my advice. But this is important and I'll try to drill it into her head. She needs to pay attention and really hear what people say.
Photo from Pixabay
28 people like this
30 responses
@fishtiger58 (29823)
• Momence, Illinois
21 May 17
Yup she needs to reread the information. My brother is like that, he just watches my lips moving and when they stop he talks. He hasn't heard a word I said.
3 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
For three years she asked my advice weekly about what kind of new car to buy - finally, three years it took her to make up her mind and she bought one I wouldn't have bought!
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@fishtiger58 she is always saying....could you ask your husband something for me...well, no , ask me LOL!
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
21 May 17
Yes some people don't want to hear it! Or, do they act like they don't do someone else can do the research to prove them wrong? :)
2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
21 May 17
correction do is supposed to be "so", sorry! I was typing on my phone. Or, do they act like they don't know so someone else can do the research*
OH WOW.... I would totally not go on that boat ride.. 
Yep she needs to re-read again! Maybe re-think some choices too!
Yep she needs to re-read again! Maybe re-think some choices too!2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@infatuatedbby She never 'jumps' into anything - it took her three years to finally buy a new car so I don't think this is going to be a rush job either.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
She knows my fahter lived in their community so you would 'think' she would figure I know what I'm talking about - LOL!!!
She's not real bright. Last summer she was at a small beach with another lady and two people in a big fancy boat pulled up and they all started talking - they invigted her and her frined for a boat ride - strangers...they could have been murderes...but they went, thought it was wonderful.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
22 May 17
You did your best but apparently she did not pay head to your advice. This reminds of a saying - "You could take a horse to a river, however, you cannot force him to drink water from the river"
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
22 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill Yes, if she has some sanity left, she will thoroughly consider every aspect before moving ahead.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
@dpk262006 The way she usually does things is she drags it out for long periods of time...so hopefully that will make her think a little more about if it is right or not.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
Yes, that pretty much describes it. Hopefully she will at least give the information a quick read before giving them any money as deposit.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
She will ask questions but then not listen carefully to the answers. I know how she is, she is the same age as me yet years behind in so many ways.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47038)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
21 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill She should definitely listen carefully. I don't really understand why you wouldn't try to listen and pay close attention.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@dodo19 She has a few ladies she hangs out with, maybe they can get thru to her.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 17
It is so sad to hear of some of these older folks. Maybe she is nervous and so it is hard for her to concentrate.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill .....Not everyone is the same or have had the same experiences in life. I hope she is able to come to terms with this. Sounds like maybe there is some denial also.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
She's the same age as me and I comprehended it LOL! She's always been a little different.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
@celticeagle I wonder if that place is the right place for her. She is not very 'social' and if you don't mingle and meet others you can be very lonely there.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (111077)
• El Paso, Texas
21 May 17
How sad for her. It's never easy to be alone when making life challenging decisions, I know cuz I'm alone and sometimes it's just a little confusing plus when looking into hiring someone to do work that needs doing I end up paying a heck of a lot more than most of my friends have to pay, workmen seem to take advantage of single women when ever they are hired to do handy work.
Your cousin would be wise to heed your council but I know how hard it can be to trust that someone else (family or friend) knows what's best for us.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (111077)
• El Paso, Texas
21 May 17
Here it's about race @AbbyGreenhill I'm not hispanic so they feel they are justified in taking their idea of injustice out on me.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@rebelann It's still wrong either way.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
She has never listened to me so I don't think she will this time either! Workers charge us more - when they come here and see what we have prices seems to go up.....you know, let the Yankees pay more....it's been like that since we moved south.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
21 May 17
Get a copy of the contract and tell them that she will sign and submit if and when she decides. Read togther all the fine prints. Your experience would have been enough but like you said she only listens to what she wants to hear then that makes it difficult and complicated
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
21 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill advise her also to hire a lawyer if she could afford one before signing anything, lets not allow her to fall into that trap and misrepresentation, your poor cousin could loose everything.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@louievill A lawyer isn't necessary - my father didn't use one and I would imagine not many people do. They are a reputable company. You just have to read carefully.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
She is 800 miles from me so I won't be reading a contract...that's up to her to worry about. I have warned her.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
21 May 17
Yeah I agree, keep drilling, so that something atleast goes into her brain, as you are the only one whom she has now..all the best
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
Thanks, I sure hope she knows all the details before signing up.
1 person likes this
@cmoneyspinner (9221)
• Austin, Texas
22 May 17
You did your part. You did more than most would have done for her. You looked up the information and gave her the facts. If she doesn't listen, that's on her. She's a grown woman. She probably heard you, but it seems like she has her mind made up to go in a certain direction. Nothing you can do but wait until she contacts you again. Because apparently, though she may not listen, she still likes the fact that you are there and that you're somebody who cares.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
You put that very well...all of that is what went on - and it has gone on most of our lives! I am the older cousin, by three months! LOL, so she did a lot of 'copying' me...when I got a perm she got one, I got short hair cut she did the same. She'll survive one way or another.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36391)
• Toccoa, Georgia
21 May 17
Oh goodness, yes, she really needs to read the info and fine print. It would be so sad if she bought into it, lost all her money and ended up homeless.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36391)
• Toccoa, Georgia
21 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill I also have a relative that doesn't listen to hardly anything I say. It is frustrating.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
@LeaPea2417 She worked at a five and dime for years after high school. Our uncle tried for years to tell her to go work for the State of Maryland, good benefits and good pension. She finally gave in many years later and went to work there and goofed off most of the time. She sent me an e-mail one day saying they just got word to stop using email for personal use...she never got fired...job security. Now she is retired and has great medical plus a good pension.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
I don't think the home she has will pay for the new place, so she may just be spinning her wheels, unless she has a hefty amount in the bank...she is cheap so that's possible she has a good nest egg.
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (14752)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
22 May 17
Hope she does not make the mistake of overbuying! One of our Florida friends paid nothing to move in but pays almost all of her income (which is quite high) for her apartment and her meals.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
One meal a day (most take dinner) is part of the monthly fee. I have not heard from her yet, she's probably still reading what I told her to read!
@CookieMonster46 (13447)
• United States
22 May 17
oh gosh, sounds like they should tell her again.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
I can't hold her hand, I told her to read everything in their online brochure and I'm sure the next time I hear from her she either won't mention this topic or tell me she read it. I'm never sure which way she will go.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
@JudyEv Yes, and she takes the prize for that.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (325345)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 May 17
@AbbyGreenhill Some people are very hard to help.
1 person likes this
@Gabugs (1895)
• United States
22 May 17
So true! Selective listening is common---especially among the elderly. It's good you are there for her@AbbyGreenhill
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
I a 'elderly' and I listen 100 percent.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
I know a lot of people who live in very similar places. She worked for the Government and retired from there so I assume she has a very decent pension plus social security - it shouldn't be a problem.
@Tampa_girl7 (48890)
• United States
21 May 17
What a sad situation. I hope she gets it all figured. She is blessed to have you.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
Thanks, I hope she puts some thought into it, but thinking doesn't seem to be her thing, never was.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
21 May 17
it's good of you to carry on trying to help her understand the facts...as I bet it would be very difficult to get out of ...if she had signed a contract or any papers... but yes I have known people like that too... it can be worrying sometimes...
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
22 May 17
If she understands that it cost 2k a month and she can afford that, then she should go for it.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40411)
• United States
21 May 17
It is absolutely vital to hear and read the fine print. Hope things work out for her.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
A month ago she said she wasn't even ready to talk to them...now she's ready to plunk down a deposit - sometimes she is all talk.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
21 May 17
I hope she takes you advice and reads the info. Its sad when the elderly do not understand and gets taken advantage of.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
21 May 17
Hey, I'm the same age - and I don't consider myself elderly LOL. I don't care if she takes the place or not, but don't cry when you find out you have to pay 2 grand a month.
@workathomefan (8957)
• Prairieville, Louisiana
22 May 17
It is called selective hearing and it happens to a lot
of people with spouses especially men.
1 person likes this
