I Made a Decision Not Based on What I Want

United States
May 24, 2017 8:56pm CST
Yesterday I saw the specialist in the Bay Area about how to move forward to treat my endometriosis. He told me what my various treatment options are, and wouldn't recommend one over the other. He said that each one comes with its own risks and benefits, and basically it comes down to how much I want to put up with. I took my sister to my appointment with me, and since the specialist wouldn't make a clear recommendation, I asked her what her opinion was and what she would do. She said she would try treating it with birth control to avoid surgery. So, even though I already know from past experience that I can't tolerate birth control, I agreed to do that. The specialist prescribed me Seasonique, which will stop my periods. When I got home I researched the pill he prescribed, and was horrified to discover that you're not supposed to take it if you have migraines or circulation problems, both of which I have (and the specialist was aware of my preexisting conditions when he prescribed this.) It's also risky to take if you're overweight, as it can cause heart attacks. I am not willing to risk my health for the sake of doing what other people want me to do. My mom, boyfriend, sister, and other various people have kept drilling into my head that I should try to avoid surgery at all costs. Well, as long as my diseased fallopian tubes remain inside my body, I am at risk for an ectopic pregnancy. They aren't the ones who are risking a potentially fatal condition, nor are they the ones putting themselves at risk for blood clots, stroke, or heart attack by taking the Pill. In the past I had to stop taking the Pill (after trying multiple types of birth control) because it makes my migraines so bad and I thought I had a mini-stroke at work (which I think was just a bad migraine, but one side of my face and body went numb and my speech was slurred...it was terrifying.) So I am not exactly jumping with joy at the thought of taking it (in any form) again. So now I don't know what to do. I feel like the whole trip yesterday was a waste. As soon as I got home I regretted my decision, even though the specialist said I could change my mind and didn't have to decide anything yet. I don't like living in fear of an ectopic pregnancy. I don't like knowing that I could possibly still get pregnant. I don't like that it's all on me to try to prevent pregnancy because my boyfriend doesn't like to be inconvenienced. I don't like living in pain. I don't like any of my options. And I don't like that I so easily caved into doing what my family wants me to do, rather than listening to my gut instinct and saying what I want to do. I want to have the surgery. I want my fallopian tubes taken out. I want the hysterectomy. I want to keep my ovaries. I want to put all this behind me. I don't want to take medication that is going to put me at risk of other dangerous health problems. But now I'm going to have to wait at least two months before seeing the specialist again, because I'm having hernia repair surgery a week from tomorrow and will have to wait until I'm fully recovered to make the trip back to the bay area. Next time I won't take my sister with me. It's easier for me to speak my mind regarding what I want when other people aren't present. I am mad that I have wasted time. And I am mad that other people think they can dictate my choices, and that I let them dictate my choices. It's MY body. MY choice. Not my boyfriend's. Not my mom's. Not anybody else, but ME.
5 people like this
6 responses
• United States
25 May 17
Wow, did your sister know that you can't tolerate birth control and still recommended that option? Nah, that does not sound the correct option for you if it is going to make you sick. The surgery sounds better if that is what you think. Too bad you have to wait now, could you go back sooner than 2 months, but I guess not as you are getting this other surgery first. That sucks that you wasted that trip to that doc..you may need to get another one that is willing to do the surgery you want.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
I did mention (right in front of my sister) that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to tolerate birth control because I've had problems with it in the past. And the doctor said in that case to stop using it if it causes me problems. My sister never had issues with birth control (but she doesn't get migraines) so for her that would probably be the best option, if she were in my shoes. I probably should have kept that in mind before asking her opinion. I might be able to make the trip in a month. I will have to get my surgeon's clearance before traveling, since it is a long trip. I think this doctor will do the surgery if that's what I want, he just didn't seem to want to recommend one thing over the other, since he said endometriosis is a tricky condition to treat.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
@Srbageldog hmm, to me, it is strange that he had no recommendation over another, but if he will do the surgery for you that is great..me personally, I would get that stuff out of me.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
@TiarasOceanView He said the problem was that the scar tissue from surgery could make my pain worse, but I think that's something I'm just going to have to risk. I don't like knowing I have diseased tubes inside me! Plus, they (and my ovaries) are glued to my bowel. I was surprised that he had no particular recommendation for treating it. I thought I was specifically being sent to him for surgery!
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5626)
• United States
25 May 17
That really sucks Stacy, don't let anyone make your choice for you. Take your time and think about it and then decide what YOU want. It's not the end of the world that you put it off for a bit and ultimately don't let what the others push you into something you don't want. I don't know what I'd do in your decision but I do know I wouldn't let others make that decision for me. If they want to get mad over it let them, it's your body and therefore your decision. None of them have to deal with the consequences of your decision the way that you do.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
Thanks Keisha. I have been mulling this over for the last two months and I am pretty sure I want my fallopian tubes taken out, at least. That way I won't have to worry about an ectopic pregnancy. A hysterectomy alone won't cure the endometriosis, but it would reduce the pain I experience from it during that time of month. And they can burn the endo implants off. They could grow back if I keep my ovaries, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about unwanted, dangerous pregnancies and I wouldn't have to suffer as much.
1 person likes this
• , New York
25 May 17
Make your own decision, you are the one who is going through this difficult situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
@sissy15 I honestly wish Shawn hadn't told me he didn't want surgery. Because then it made me feel guilty for saying I wanted it if it wasn't absolutely necessary. But why should I feel guilty? It's my body. Not his. :/
@Courtlynn (55998)
• United States
25 May 17
I would say to see someone else and get a secons opinion. Im sorry everyone keeps wanting you to do things you know you shouldnt/cant.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
I understand that they want me to avoid having surgery, but by not having surgery it puts my life at risk should I ever experience an ectopic pregnancy. I know that's a risk any woman (who still has her reproductive system) has anyway, but since my tubes are blocked there's an increased risk that if I got pregnant, it would be bad. I may end up seeking a second opinion. This specialist wasn't opposed to surgery, he just wouldn't recommend any form of treatment one way or another and left it entirely up to me to decide. Which I really don't like, because I feel like the "experts" should have SOME opinion on how to treat this...my regular gynecologist wouldn't recommend anything either.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55998)
• United States
25 May 17
@Srbageldog yeah id see someone else before making a decision
1 person likes this
• , New York
25 May 17
@Srbageldog I was confronted with these problems years ago.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
If your sister insists on going with you, let her. However, have her stay in the waiting area. You and you alone need to be happy with your healthcare decisions. I wish you well.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@shivamani10 (11202)
• Hyderabad, India
25 May 17
Better you seek second opinion also.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 17
Yes, a second opinion is always good!
@Hatley (164512)
• Garden Grove, California
25 May 17
sdtacy I would get a new doctorwho will do as yu opu wamt you kmow its your body and you jave aright t tp get tjat surgery done as it is the safest I did it and am glad IL did You listen to your gut instinct and do what it tells you
1 person likes this