I Made a Decision Not Based on What I Want

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Yesterday I saw the specialist in the Bay Area about how to move forward to treat my endometriosis. He told me what my various treatment options are, and wouldn't recommend one over the other. He said that each one comes with its own risks and benefits, and basically it comes down to how much I want to put up with. I took my sister to my appointment with me, and since the specialist wouldn't make a clear recommendation, I asked her what her opinion was and what she would do. She said she would try treating it with birth control to avoid surgery. So, even though I already know from past experience that I can't tolerate birth control, I agreed to do that. The specialist prescribed me Seasonique, which will stop my periods. When I got home I researched the pill he prescribed, and was horrified to discover that you're not supposed to take it if you have migraines or circulation problems, both of which I have (and the specialist was aware of my preexisting conditions when he prescribed this.) It's also risky to take if you're overweight, as it can cause heart attacks. I am not willing to risk my health for the sake of doing what other people want me to do. My mom, boyfriend, sister, and other various people have kept drilling into my head that I should try to avoid surgery at all costs. Well, as long as my diseased fallopian tubes remain inside my body, I am at risk for an ectopic pregnancy. They aren't the ones who are risking a potentially fatal condition, nor are they the ones putting themselves at risk for blood clots, stroke, or heart attack by taking the Pill. In the past I had to stop taking the Pill (after trying multiple types of birth control) because it makes my migraines so bad and I thought I had a mini-stroke at work (which I think was just a bad migraine, but one side of my face and body went numb and my speech was slurred...it was terrifying.) So I am not exactly jumping with joy at the thought of taking it (in any form) again. So now I don't know what to do. I feel like the whole trip yesterday was a waste. As soon as I got home I regretted my decision, even though the specialist said I could change my mind and didn't have to decide anything yet. I don't like living in fear of an ectopic pregnancy. I don't like knowing that I could possibly still get pregnant. I don't like that it's all on me to try to prevent pregnancy because my boyfriend doesn't like to be inconvenienced. I don't like living in pain. I don't like any of my options. And I don't like that I so easily caved into doing what my family wants me to do, rather than listening to my gut instinct and saying what I want to do. I want to have the surgery. I want my fallopian tubes taken out. I want the hysterectomy. I want to keep my ovaries. I want to put all this behind me. I don't want to take medication that is going to put me at risk of other dangerous health problems. But now I'm going to have to wait at least two months before seeing the specialist again, because I'm having hernia repair surgery a week from tomorrow and will have to wait until I'm fully recovered to make the trip back to the bay area. Next time I won't take my sister with me. It's easier for me to speak my mind regarding what I want when other people aren't present. I am mad that I have wasted time. And I am mad that other people think they can dictate my choices, and that I let them dictate my choices. It's MY body. MY choice. Not my boyfriend's. Not my mom's. Not anybody else, but ME.