Inconsiderate and Selfish People Raise Inconsiderate and Selfish Children

(c)2017 DW Davis
@DWDavis (15061)
Pikeville, North Carolina
May 25, 2017 7:50pm CST
I had a pretty good day at school today, except for when I first arrived, and when I stopped for gas on my way home. I had just gotten out of my truck in the school parking lot when the cry of "Fight" rang out. I phoned the front office to let admin know and hurried to the scene. Many other teachers arrived first and were attempting to restrain two young women, a 7th grader and an 8th grader, who are cousins as it turns out, though in that community "cousin" is a rather loosely used term. Several teachers managed to escort the 8th grader away, after she got in one last kick at the 7th grader. The 7th grader tried to break free from the teacher holding her but I stepped in front of her and drew her attention to myself, diverting her from wanting to go after the other girl. The Vice Principal arrived and took over, so I left to go take care of my own students. This afternoon on my way home, I stopped for gas and three of the four gas pumps had empty cars sitting at them. The fourth had someone actively filling their tank. I waited a few minutes, expecting the owners of the cars to come out presently to move them. No such luck. Understand, they weren't inside paying for their gas. At this store, gas must be prepaid if using cash, or paid at the pump using a credit card. These folks were inside shopping, or having a cup of coffee or a soda. One of the drivers finally came outside and I had to maneuver my truck to access that pump. The other two vehicles, shown in the picture above still had not moved by the time I finished pumping my gas. As I was leaving, one lady came out with a child in tow, carrying two shopping bags. Both of these incidents reminded me that selfish, inconsiderate parents wind up raising selfish inconsiderate children. I am glad I was already leaving when the woman came out, else I might have said something to her I would have regretted. Then again, perhaps I wouldn't. My parents raised me to be considerate, even to buttholes like her. Would you have said something to her, or would you have driven away?
18 people like this
19 responses
@andriaperry (61427)
• Anniston, Alabama
26 May 17
Drove away because I do not want to spend , not even an hour, of my precious time in jail over people like that. Walk away and seek your kind. Oh yeah if I had said something I am sure there would have been a fight, I may be small but I fought big brothers growing up. I can throw a good punch, even thought it hurts my knuckles.
4 people like this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
Knowing it wouldn't make any difference because people like that won't change, I knew driving away was my best option.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (183136)
• Switzerland
26 May 17
I hat when this happens, I cannot stand people who have no manners. You are right, selfish people raise selfish children, what this kid will learn from his Mom? Nothing, only to be selfish and not to care about the others.
3 people like this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
It does seem like so many people think only of themselves and their own convenience that they don't care if they inconvenience others.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (183136)
• Switzerland
28 May 17
@DWDavis You are so right, they do not care at all about the others.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (137532)
• Bunbury, Australia
26 May 17
I would have just driven off I guess. She would probably only given you a mouthful of vitriol anyway. Some people really are the pits.
3 people like this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
You're probably right. She'd already proven herself to be selfish and inconsiderate.
1 person likes this
26 May 17
It seems to be happening more and more. I dread to think what society will be like in another fifty years.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
I fear society will rip itself apart long before fifty years pass. The veneer of civilization is quite thin, and as we learned after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, among some groups of people it rips as easily as wet tissue paper.
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 May 17
I wouldn't have said anything either. People should be more considerate. Unfortunately they are not.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
26 May 17
I try to show my students how to be considerate and well-mannered and show them how it not only makes them more pleasant to be around but it will actually make them feel better about themselves. Sadly, this idea is not often reinforced in the home.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (18090)
• Fairfield, Texas
26 May 17
I would have told her, "That'll be a $5 parking fee for inconsideration."
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
I used to have a coupon book full of snarky parking "tickets" I could leave on people's windshields. I should try to find another set.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (18090)
• Fairfield, Texas
27 May 17
@DWDavis Oh how perfect would that be!
1 person likes this
@Ruby3881 (1997)
• Canada
29 May 17
@DWDavis Somehow, snarky tickets don't make me think about good manners and being considerate. They do may me think of the words "passive aggressive," though....
1 person likes this
@Jackalyn (7217)
• Oxford, England
26 May 17
I would probably just have sat there. People just do not think. As for kids fighting. There is a reason I never wanted to teach school.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
As the end of the school year approaches, fights are becoming a daily occurrence because scores need to be settled before they get out for summer. This is an attitude the kids learn from their parents and community. I wish I knew how to fix it.
1 person likes this
@Ruby3881 (1997)
• Canada
29 May 17
@DWDavis I've lived in a community where kids learned aggression from the adults around them. I find that the first thing one has to do in order to reduce both the verbal aggression and the physical violence is to meet people where they are without judging them. Trying to set an example is a fine thing for any teacher to do, but if you are an outsider to their community it will only be seen as an attitude of superiority. Sometimes you just have to accept that their culture is different from your own and try to understand the reasons behind the behaviours that trouble you. If you can do that without judging either the motives or the behaviours, you might just come to a place where you are seen as an ally. The most important thing when you see people suffering is to avoid comparing your life or values with theirs. Instead, try to learn how the people of the community feel about the things you find troublesome. If the entire community is fine with parking at the gas pump and going into the store to shop, then it's not a problem for them - only for you. But if they are troubled by it and can't figure out how to change it, they may accept help from you if you have taken the time to show respect for them and their community.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
29 May 17
@Ruby3881 I've been immersed in their community for the last 15 years. I have always treated my students with respect and courtesy and have gone out of my way to understand them and their community. I believe I have legitimacy with and the respect of my students. I have taught many of their older siblings and cousins, who often come back to visit and let my current group of students know I am one of the teachers who can be trusted. They know I care deeply for them and want them to break the cycle they are caught in. But the kids are caught between wanting something better than they've grown up with and "parents" who feel threatened and insulted if their kids want better than the life their parents have had. As to parking at the gas pump and going in to shop, while blocking others from being able to use the pump, I cannot imagine a community where this selfish and inconsiderate behavior is the norm and acceptable to the majority of people. One of the reasons our world has become so coarse and crass is because people with manners who show courtesy and respect toward others have been made to feel guilty for expecting others to use manners and show courtesy and respect in return.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (104331)
• United States
3 Jun 17
I am so non confrontational it is not even funny, so I would have not said anything. On the other hand, I worry so much about inconveniencing people I would never have left an unattended car at the pump, unless. . . just possibly, there was a bathroom emergency.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
3 Jun 17
If it was a bathroom emergency, it was followed by purchasing drinks and snacks.
@Ruby3881 (1997)
• Canada
29 May 17
It's sad to see young kids fighting at school. I am always saddened when I see young girls getting into physical fights or hurling insults at one another in a sort of verbal cat fight. That sort of thing never resolves anything. But it does tend to escalate existing tensions. I'm sure if you asked those girls what their beef was, it would be something that seems rather trivial to us as adults. Girls that age are very sensitive, though. It doesn't take much to set them off. Remembering my own school days, I'd be more inclined to say the problem is more likely to be the social pecking order than the nature of either girl or her failing to think of others. Perhaps both of them think far too much about what others think; they need to learn how to focus on their own personal needs and making themselves happy.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
29 May 17
When I talk to the girls in the aftermath, after they've had a chance to calm down, the most often given reason is, "She was talking about me," the talk being some type of insult about the other girl's hair, clothes, weight, looks, mother, boyfriend, etc. One thing I am very careful of is never trivializing the reason for the fight, no matter what it was. Very often, the girl starting the fight did not hear the other girl say the offending words. Rather she heard it from a third party. This third party is usually someone who seems to hear a lot of this type of thing and enjoys passing it on to see what kind of drama and excitement she can generate. My colleagues and I counsel the girls not to react to such third-party gossip, and encourage them to come to one of us about it before it becomes a fight. Thankfully, many do so, and we've been able to stop a good number of conflicts through the Guidance Office or sit down meetings with both girls. Boys are much easier to handle. Most of the time the boys don't want to fight anyway, they just want everyone to think they are ready to fight. They face off and then start looking around for a teacher to come and stop them before any punches get thrown. The other day I stopped two boys from fighting just by walking up and standing close by. I never said a thing. One of the boys told the other it was a good thing a teacher showed up, and then walked away. The other boy went about his business. Later that day they were acting like buddies again.
@responsiveme (16874)
• India
26 May 17
I agree, it's not what you say to your kids but how you behave that they catch on.Its scary because I see from the random remarks my grown up boys still remember how we behaved.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
When my wife and I see how our sons behave now that they are grown we know we must have done something right. Sometimes I wish we'd taken notes.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (65312)
• Los Angeles, California
26 May 17
I recently observed this and felt sorry for the kids. It's like they had no chance with that kind of teaching.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
I work hard to enforce manners and courtesy among my students, but it is hard to reverse the bad lessons they get from their parents, families, and communities.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (42070)
• Denver, Colorado
26 May 17
I'm pretty non-confrontational, I would have just driven away.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
All-in-all, that was the only reasonable thing to do.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (75409)
• Canada
26 May 17
I would have handled the way you did. You can't change idiots. Even if you said something she wouldn't get it or wouldn't care.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
I agree. She was an old dog who would have resented being taught a new trick.
1 person likes this
@UncleJoe (11314)
• Virginia Beach, Virginia
26 May 17
I would leave it alone before it could escalate. Nothing I could say would help the situation.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
I think that was the wisest thing. I'm just sad knowing her kids will probably go up the same way.
1 person likes this
@spaceseed (2881)
• India
26 May 17
I would have reacted in same way as you did
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
Thinking back on it, driving away was the only sensible thing to do.
@DianneN (88228)
• United States
26 May 17
I would never say anything to idiots like that. In this day and age, you can't change their behavior and would be asking for a bullet.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (15061)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
27 May 17
Very true. People anymore don't know how to take constructive criticism. They take everything as an insult that must be avenged.
1 person likes this
@Susan2015 (21965)
• United States
27 May 17
We have ones in our town like that too. There are times I give them one of my looks like they are stupid.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (44393)
15 Feb
I think it depends on the type pf mood I would be in. When I worked at this bookstore this woman came in with her son .They left Israel. So, they probably come back for visits. The son was exactly like the Mom. They were horrible people.
@Hatley (164468)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Nov 17
IL would have saild nso mthig as she migh not have realizedhow selfilfish she was being and eeded a push