House cleaning responsibilities

Staten Island, New York
May 29, 2017 12:55pm CST
I live with my husband in a four story house. That's three levels plus a fully furnished basement. That's a lot of cleaning to do. It's very exhausting to clean everything alone and in one day... I told my husband that he should help me clean, mentioning the above. His response was that he doesn't want to spend his day off cleaning. He also told me that because I don't work right now I should be the one to clean the house as I have a lot of free time on my hands. Really? I think that is unfair of him to say. It shouldn't matter who works or who doesn't, and who has more free time; we both live in this house, so we should both participate in cleaning it. Am I wrong? If we lived in a tiny basement apartment, as we had before moving to this house, I'd have no problem cleaning since there isn't that much stuff or space to tackle in a place like that. But in a house this big, it's A LOT of work. And it's very exhausting. I need help. Not to mention that I hate cleaning. I wanted to tell him either he helps me clean or he should hire a cleaning lady... But I didn't do that, and he didn't even offer... Weird thing is when we first moved into this house he did clean, and without even asking me for help. That changed very quickly. If I don't force myself to clean, even a little bit, the house will remain dirty... He is not okay with that, yet he doesn't want to help me or hire help instead, and expects me to do everything myself. That is not fair!!! We should share the house cleaning responsibilities. It makes things easier for me, and cleaning together also saves time... Even if I have more free time on my hands I don't want to spend a lot of it cleaning. Who does? Only those for whom cleaning is a career I'd think...
10 people like this
14 responses
@Corbin5 (119866)
• United States
29 May 17
When people live in the same house, all should lend a hand. I actually do all the cleaning here, but I am retired and we downsized to a ranch house. My husband does all the outside work.
2 people like this
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
I agree. And no one said that every day off has to be spend cleaning... Ones a month should do the trick. And maybe here and there during the month do some minor stuff.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (44792)
• Uzbekistan
29 May 17
Why have you moved into such a big house? Do you really use all rooms? Maybe you could close the ones you don't use. Then there would be less cleaning.
1 person likes this
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
It's my parent's old house that they've not sold yet. We pay the same rent we paid for the dark tiny basement apartment with hardly any closet space, and we don't have to pay utilities. Plus, we have lots of room, a backyard (though we've never used it yet) and a driveway... And I am closer to my parents, which they like. And getting to work for him takes less time.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (44792)
• Uzbekistan
29 May 17
@lovebuglena This sounds convenient. I wonder why you need your husband's permission to hire a help. Can't you do this on your own?
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
@MALUSE I feel that's a joint decision... plus he is the one that would have to pay for it as he works and I don't.
• United States
29 May 17
I am trying to hold my tongue - but here goes...if my husband said that to me I would tell him to go find another place to live. My husband and I always shared the housework - even when we both worked. The size of the house isn't the important thing - the important thing is that he is showing you little to no respect. In our 18 years of marriage (second for both of us) we lived in anywhere from a 3,000 sf home to a 1,500 sf home....and from 3 acres to 10 acres...we share responsibility - inside and outside. If I were you I would hire someone to help or tell him you need to move to a smaller house. Is it just the two of you?
1 person likes this
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
We are newlyweds though we have lived a few years (maybe slightly less) together before marrying. Size of the place matters to me... smaller places require less time and less work and are therefore less exhausting on the person. But I agree it also has to with respecting the other person. Helping clean means you do respect the other person and care about the other person. Hiring someone is not easy. Cleaning people don't come cheap, and we can't exactly afford it. Plus, it's hard to find someone who will do a great job.
• United States
29 May 17
@lovebuglena Why do you have such a big house? Was it his idea? We thought about hiring someone to come in once every two weeks - just to do the things we both hate doing....my husband is 74 and I'm almost 70 and dusting/cleaning baseboards is too much for me! There are lots of freelance cleaners around here but not sure I would trust any - I would rather go thru an agency that is bonded and insured.
@zebra2222 (5195)
• United States
29 May 17
I gave up living in a house 7 years ago. It was too much. I prefer condo living myself.
1 person likes this
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
But isn't a condo also with lots of floors?
@Hooper69 (42)
29 May 17
Yes he should help you clean.. Cleaning everyday and as you said ALONE Gets to be very exhausting and grows to get irritating that you watch a house that you clean yourself get dirtied by people who don't pitch in.. or at least that last part happens with me.. Hope he starts to help you though I know how it is.. When I was out of work for about 2 weeks that's all I did was clean and take care of the children..
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
Well, there is definitely no cleaning every day. But when I do force myself to clean (yes force because I hate it), or on a rare occasion I actually want to clean, it is very tiring, especially when it is very hot outside, and even with the AC on the very top floor is still unbearable. It's bad enough that most of the time I am the one to always wash the dishes. And I always do the laundry. And most of the time I do the shopping and drag heavy bags from the store to the house no matter the weather.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 17
@lovebuglena You are sounding more and more like the hired help. I'm sorry, but you are not being treated fairly at all and you are allowing him to walk all over you.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (29383)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 May 17
@lovebuglena You carry the heavy bags from the store?? My hubby does that plus makes sure 50 bags of chicken chow get to where they need to go. Not a fair situation for you.
@SIMPLYD (84951)
• Philippines
30 May 17
Are you working or just stay at home. Well, even if you are a stay at home mom, with a four-storey house, you cannot clean them all alone. It's either you have to tell your hubby to help you or hire a cleaning lady at least once a week. That's what is not nice with a big house when you don't have a helper to clean the house I would prefer a small house where it's easier to clean. A house isn't a nice one to live when it's not clean.
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
We do not have kids yet, so I am not a stay at home mom, but I currently do not work... If we were to hire a cleaning lady it would definitely not be every week because cleaning ladies don't come cheap. Probably once a month or every two weeks...
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (84951)
• Philippines
31 May 17
@lovebuglena Maybe you should just schedule cleaning each storey of the house. It is a good exercise too.
• Staten Island, New York
31 May 17
@SIMPLYD To do each level a day is not a good idea... Don't want all the dust/dirt to go from one floor to the other.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55300)
• United States
29 May 17
Definitely not fair. You both live there.
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
I agree 100%. This is not a hotel. This is our house. We should both clean it. I can boycott and tell him I am not cleaning it unless you help. But if I do that then I will probably live in a dirty house for a very long time. I don't think me telling him this will get him to wanna help me clean.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (55300)
• United States
29 May 17
@lovebuglena you could at least try it and stand your ground for about 3 days
• New Delhi, India
29 May 17
I completely disagree with your husband
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
Thank you! I wonder if he would offer to help if he had more free time on his hands...
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
30 May 17
@lovebuglena I wish he could
@sallypup (29383)
• Moses Lake, Washington
29 May 17
We are thinking about moving to another place in a few years. Size of the house and the reality of me not itching to spend my free time cleaning has been a huge factor. I do love those old farmhouses, though. Hubby helps clean our house. I do not work outside the home. I do get in a fair amount of time gardening and caring for animals like chickens. He does a lot of work outside as well as brings in a paycheck. My hubby possibly feels like since he builds fences and mostly grinds grain and makes peanut butter that he is doing his share. Sounds like you and your hubby are up for a frank talk. I wish you well.
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
Thank you! I wonder also if he doesn't want to help because his mom may have instilled in him that it's a woman's job to clean and upkeep the house... I don't know if she did that, but thinking maybe she did.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 17
@lovebuglena If that is true - and the only way to find out is to ask him - then he needs to be brought into this century.
1 person likes this
@jnesperos (273)
• Davao, Philippines
30 May 17
I enjoyed reading this discussion, it's like reading the story I remember in my high school "the women wash the dishes" same story, a couple arguing on who will do this chore and keep on pointing each other to work for that
• Staten Island, New York
31 May 17
Thanks. We don't live in the olden days where it was customary for the woman to upkeep the house. Everyone should put in their share when it comes to cleaning. This is not a hotel.
@prashu228 (25516)
• India
30 May 17
I don't like cleaning at all, lots of back pains.....
• Staten Island, New York
31 May 17
I hate cleaning! Especially dusting and cleaning floors and shelves. And doing mirrors! Argh!
@PatZAnthony (13116)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
29 May 17
To be fair, everyone here helps with the work, whether inside or outside. Everyone gets it dirty, so everyone should help clean it. With food prep and clean up, everyone eats, so everyone helps-no excuses.
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
That's the way it should be.
@Nawsheen (22953)
• Mauritius
29 May 17
Im sorry to say but your husband is not right
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
I agree with you. I wish he hadn't said what he said...
1 person likes this
@magnumopus (1664)
• Singapore
29 May 17
Your husband is just too lazy to help you doing the cleaning.
• Staten Island, New York
30 May 17
Maybe he is lazy pants lol...