Living with Anxiety

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I write about this today because mine has been much worse lately. I have random panic attacks that almost shut, or sometimes, completely shut me down. I have issues walking out my door, continuing to DO things, live, function. And I feel like a failure because of it. But I am not. See here's the thing. Feelings are not what we are. They are only part of what we are. We may feel that we have failed because we feel like we aren't as strong as we should be. We don't win against the panic attacks each time. We still suffer. I am not discounting feelings. Feelings are important. But the thing is, each time we do beat it back, continue to function, manage another day, another hours, another minute, claw our way back from the edge, We did actually win. We may feel like we did not, since we lost to the panic again... but in the end the panic didn't win. We did. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of seeing these attacks as failures. (You prob will, I do). We can, over time, fight our mind with better thoughts. Remind yourself that in the end you DID win. You survived. This makes you someone I am proud of. This makes you strong. Yes I know, you...I...have massive anxiety. You...I...have panic attacks that we fall down the rabbit hole for a time and lose the skirmish. But once you come out of it, you have won the battle. See? And yes, I know it may FEEL like more of a loss, as you lost to it in the first place. We all suffer from something, bad health, irritating inlaws, life pooping on us, a cat that wants to take over the world. ha! I know. Anyways, being serious now, do you blame someone with say cancer, for getting cancer and fighting (winning or losing) to it? Do you blame someone with dementia for fighting and winning or losing to it? Do you think they are somehow less because sometimes they win, sometimes they lose, but they have to fight on for years and years? Why is your mental health any different? Yes, I know, it FEELS different, but really it isn't. Mental health is just something people as a whole still don't fully understand. They don't trust doctors, they don't believe in getting help. Some people still belittle or demean it (I know someone who calls ALL psychologists horrible names, like quack and stuff because he went to one once in like the 50s. I want to point out that's about the same as where medicine was oh 100 years ago in terms of quality, in places, and things have CHANGED. Plus I have also been to terrible physical medical doctors. Do I blame them all? Nope, I just go get a better one). Point of this long ramble. I am proud of you. You haven't given up. You are brave and strong, and stubborn, and have worth. You can ask for help if you need it. You may even be able to help others. If so, cool.